're' Change

Some people really like change. Some people find it refreshing, renewing, rejuvinating, regenerating, recharging. They find it 're' something positive. I find I become resigned, resistant, reclusive and eventually retreat. My 're' is often NEGATIVE. You might not know this about me right away. This extroverted, perky, immature and spontaneous girl does not like change.

Growing up we moved frequently as a result of our wonderful life in the military. I saw the land, and the land was good. BUT, I never could count on what I learned today, that it would be right tomorrow. In The Karate Kid, Daniel moved to a distant land and suddenly went from being the cool kid to the outsider. Inability to communicate aside, he was different and did not know what was expected, how to speak, how to act, how to relate. Another 're' word, relate. Hmmmm

I enjoyed my gypsy life, but as I have grown older, had life happen, I have found that waking up in the same place everyday has advantages. Some of the things I have become very sensitive and attached to include:

Predictability - Knowing certain things happen a certain way, at a certain time, in a certain way. Knowing the Circle K girls will know my name, will hug my son, will order our Cracker Barrel Sharp Cheddar Cheese.

Stability - Knowing each of our neighbors and friends long enough and well enough to know who we would let watch our son, and who prepares their food in a way that does not draw a citation from the state department.

Reliability - Knowing at a drop of a hat I have a friend who day or night has tested true, been there for the long haul and will care for me or my family without expecting anything or taking anything. There when they promise, first time, every time.

Continuity - Knowing that Cody will get or have what he needs as long as he needs it, translating those support measures from one age to the next. Knowing that he can dance no matter what.

Comfort - Knowing that we will be given hugs, baked goods, errands, prayers and any number of services in our moment of need. Knowing what we need is what matters right now. Knowing that we are supported as life happens. Even better being able to pay it back or pay it forward.

Depth - Knowing that not only will I have the opportunity to see the real needs of neighbors, family and friends, but they will have the same opportunity. What matters most rather than what matters in the moment.

Safety - Every noise, every light, every space brings the ability to feel safe. Living in an area where the saying "I got your back' means something very personal. And they mean it.

So why so retrospective you wonder. It could be a 'cycle thing', which causes me to have hostile thoughts every time I hear it. Could it be the gravitational pull of the moon. Maybe, but having worked in a mental health unit I can tell you A. that is factual and B. you would be implying I am not just in denial but in need of medication. Kindly consider where you want to go with that.

No, it is change. Change of the worst and best kind. Change that makes my heart hurt yet is attached to promise. Our beloved Miss Caroline, dance teacher, best friend and overall  'constant' in support, hope, presence, promise and inspiration is moving away. She is leaving Arizona and venturing to California. We will be lost for a long time.

For Caroline and the special needs community in California, there is only promise. And for that I am grateful that she has an opportunity to create what we had hoped for here. It takes vision, creativity, thinking outside the box. She is gifted at them all. She looks at our kids and sees dancing. She walks around wheelchairs and braces and blindness to show them how to twirl. Nothing too hard, nothing too impossible. So very few really see what a typical child is able to accomplish let alone what those with challenges can do, WILL do.

Oh sure, we have made some wonderful friends that we will have forever most likely. I am grateful for them as we understand each other, we are in the same dance slippers so to speak. But few have reached so passionately to take hold of our children's hands and draw them into the typical world. Most glance and walk by, or even away. Not Miss Caroline, she has seen the inner dancer in us all. And she has allowed us to see hers. You indeed are a true friend.

Thank you Miss Caroline! We love you always! He is looking for you already. xoxo

Fathers'

Whether you know yours or not, you have one. I have many friends who do not have good memories or relationships with theirs. They are estranged. When they talk of their father it is often with an abrupt statement or closed body language. There is evidently hurt for that loss; loss of time, loss of history, loss of guidance, loss of approval, loss of love. It is indeed a death. A part of them is lost and they can not find the 'filler' to complete or fill that empty space.

Then I have some who are still close to their fathers or at least have a relationship. They can tell stories, they can complain, brag, cry, laugh or roll their eyes as they recall a moment or event. Indeed, whether it is positive or negative, it 'is' and they are connected.

I have watched fathers. It is actually a great past time for me. There is something about a father who is present. You know what I mean. They see their child, they know what makes them tick, they understand them. And that electricity is captured in the response of that child. It is magnetic. They cling to them, their words, their actions, their spirit. They want to be with them, to be like them. That is the prize for every father I think, that their children strive to follow in their footsteps.

And as fathers, the opportunity is fleeting, a once in a lifetime experience, literally! The moment is here today, gone tomorrow. Like that famous song, you know, cats in cradles eating from silvers spoons or some such. Before we know it the kid is grown up, gone and a father, while their dad is still listening to old Roger Miller records and burning the midnight oil. Every moment counts, and every moment is gone in a flash, never to be captured again. All the more reason to be certain that you are walking a straight path, one that is safe, righteous, true. You do not want to lead your children down a road that causes them to fall or stumble, but to be successful. Those that make the most of those moments will provide a lifetime of treasure to their child, a toolkit to survive in any situation.

So, on this father's day I pay a tribute to the 'fathers' in my world. I have seen some awesome examples of those who wear the title of 'Father'. Some are VERY seasoned, and I do mean old as well as experienced. Some are just now setting out on the journey. In either case, they 'are' fathers' who are making a difference in their world.

A Father's love is handed down from one generation to the next.

 It may be in a gentle spirit, a quiet smile, patience....in giving the gift of time.

A father's love is evident in action, words, and presence.

It is stopping the madness to sing, dance or hang out, doing whatever it is that needs to be done.

A father's love is shown in the pride he takes in his children, the joy in their accomplishments.

A closet full of memories and boxes full of photos ready to be shared at a moments notice.

A father's love is evident in the celebration of new life and excitement for the milestones met.

It is in the joy of a new family, reading everything he can and gaining hope for the years to come.

A father's love speaks loud and clear in the quiet thrill of seeing a picture of your unborn son

and waiting anxiously for his arrival.

It is transparent in the tweets and posts that show the anticipation for the days ahead.

A father's love is obvious in the freedom to just 'be' whatever it is that his son needs him to be.

It is playing with silly string or wearing a handmade mustache. It is playing, uninhibited!

 

These are traits of some remarkable fathers. I am so proud of the commitment to their families.

But the Gold Standard in my life remains my father. Truly, in all my years I do not have a single bad memory or misstep. He never missed a beat. He smiled, laughed, joked, played, dreamt, DID just about everything we could possibly throw his way. He loved it! Whether rescuing your finger from a man eating lizard to teaching you to build and fly radio control airplanes to sitting in an arena full of screaming teens waiting to see The Osmond's, he did it all. AND he enjoyed it. He genuinely wanted to be there....if he didn't we will never know! He even told stories about it years after, adding a detail or two, but reliving it with us over and over. It mattered. We mattered!

And for that I am eternally grateful.  

 

We indeed had the BEST FATHER and it is with confidence I am certain he is celebrating the most remarkable Fathers day of all. Thank you dad for always being there. For loving us unconditionally. For making every day an adventure. For making us feel special, loved, wonderful! Thank you dad!

 I love you always.