First Steps

I do not remember my first steps. I hear that I wanted to do it all myself, all the time. Not much has changed there. Everyone who knows me describes me with friendly words like independent, creative, confident, strong, when they are really thinking stubborn, headstrong, and pushy. You didn't think I knew what you meant, right? Ha, it's okay, I may have had those same thoughts about some of you:-)

But as I have been reflecting over my current situation, I realize that I could not be meeting all of the needs and expectations if I wasn't all of those things above. And it is all good. But I have found that when I struggle the most it is when I do not allow others in, or accept help. Then I saw this old picture. Suddenly I saw a large cast in what appears to be an event isolated and independent of the planet. "Ah Ha" I said. And yes I do really say that!

How many people or how many years did it take for two or three men to get to skip on the moon? 1000's! Those required to sell the idea, acquire funding, manage funding, design the suits and the shuttle, build and arm the ship, electronics and life support systems, teachers, counselors, trial run and trainers. Crazy. So then how on earth can I expect to provide car to so many people if I do not let others in, share my needs and accept their gifts? I can not.

I will drop dead as I have threatened to do for years! But it will not be because I am at the ripe old age and place in life to do that, but because I pushed too hard and too long without the support and love of others. Thank GOD for others! A prime opportunity presented just this morning. I have met a friend for breakfast at 7 a.m. every Saturday for years. And she listens intently to my plans and tasks, then calmly says so "What can I do to help?" "What day will you like me to take off?" "You are doing too much and you need my help. I want to help!"

Wow, what a great friend. And how humbling to know that others see me so much more clearly than I see myself. Good thing too. I was told just the other day that I was not aloud to leave for any reason, and that included death! I hope that I can remain willing and open to accepting help. And I hope that those who offer it know how truly grateful I am, even though I might be a bit pushy, stubborn and headstrong:-)