Forgiveness ....... Conversation of the week!

Relationship issues all week for my team and some of my friends. All kinds of nastiness, mean words, cruel and lasting insults damaging the heart of some of my strongest folks. While forgiveness is a hot topic, it is clear that there is some gray (grey) area. In order to exercise true forgiveness you have to define what it is and what it is not! Ego and emotion aside here is my take on the subject.


It is a decision, of will or mind, not emotion. It is an intentional choice to obey God. It is separate from the individual who has committed the offense. Whether they repent, want to reconcile or not, it is ours to give. It requires us to move on. With or without the relationship. We have to choose peace and purpose rather than contention that can lead us to sin or be a stumbling block for them.

To forgive is to forget! Uh, no! In order to learn from the past, the experiences of any kind need to remain in the mental 'file'. We may need to let go of the emotions, hurt or disappointment, but we would be remiss to try to wipe clean the memories of the past. It is imperative to take captive every thought in order to prevent reopening those feelings or wounds that would lead us to anger or hate. Should we face the source of our pain or suffering, we need to be in control of the memories that could fan the flames! It requires us to be purposeful in our actions and words.

Forgiveness won't stop the memory of pain! God has promised that He sees and that He will wipe away each tear. But it should mean that we are free of the bitterness or anger that leads to hate. Forgiving is not releasing the offender from the consequences of their actions. It is not excusing or dismissing behavior. People make choices and must be responsible for the fall out. Much like traffic violations, one must be accountable to accept they chose to run the red light, so to speak. As humans, we will make mistakes. But in order to grow we have to step up, own our mistakes, seek reconciliation and change! We should forget what is behind and strive toward what is ahead. Philippians 3.13

Forgiveness is not laughing it off. Minimizing hurt or denying it lives does not erase it. We can't ignore the feelings, as it would be a lie to say they 're not there which runs us into all kinds of trouble. Forgiveness involves not holding a sin (grudge) against a person any longer. But that said, it is different from trust. It is wise to take precautions, and sometimes the dynamics of a relationship will have to change. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, / but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22.3 In other words, you won't keep walking into the situation expecting different results unless there is evidence God has changed hearts.

Forgiveness means being on guard so that we don't  allow be a root of bitterness to come springing up in our hearts. We must be 'shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves'. So we may forgive but we must be cautious in future encounters should they occur. Only God changes hearts. Until an offender has a true, supernatural change of heart it is only wise to limit the level of trust one places in that person or relationship. Being cautious doesn’t mean we haven’t forgiven. It simply means we are not God and we cannot see that person’s heart. It may be that separation with forgiveness is the answer.

This is difficult for many who feel we all need to be holding hands and singing world peace songs from the 70's. It is definitely a two way issue and requires a two way response, God in the center. If both are not seeking and serving Christ, it is unlikely true reconciliation can happen. Peace may come with time, distance and prayer. Waiting on God is the only sustainable solution. And that's ok because God is able.