Moving On.......
I was sent a very thought provoking read today.....
'It's just a sad, universal truth that there are people we love a lot who don't really love us back. Whether platonic or romantic (or even, sadly enough, familial) there are always going to be these uneven relationships in which one person is constantly left feeling as though their emotions and their desires are a mild irritant. There are going to be those we go out of our way for who never quite acknowledge us in return, who will never be there to listen to our problems, who will never drive out in the middle of the night to pick us up when we're in trouble - no matter how much we do these things for them.'
Really speaks to me as I have a life long problem of letting go. I love deeply and for life, and it takes a minute to gain my commitment. Over the years I have seen that some relationships are ended due to distance, circumstance or decision. I have a very difficult time with these, some much more than others, and I find it painful to lose someone I truly care for. It is a death. I grieve.
Interesting is that two of these causes at least are spontaneous if you will. They are easier to work through. You move away, interests change or circumstances change such as having young children or changing schedules. They die a slow, but seemingly expected death. It is almost as if they are on hospice. We know it is coming and we are more prepared. The longing for that person may still exist but you accept that they are 'gone'. You can appreciate the why of seeing it go.
The third case however is the most difficult as it is sudden, unexpected. It is clearly not something prepared for and much like having someone kidnapped. They are just gone! You walk around with this vision of what would have been, what should be, the hopes for the future. Longing for answers, racked with guilt and sorrow. You are not in control and can't effect a change. It's horrible for the one left behind.
In all of these cases, it is important to move through the phases of grief in order to let it all go. I am really horrible at this. But I am also fatigued by it. I have cards, gifts and letters that have never been sent because I don't have an address, I never hear if things are received or perhaps it is like the 100th time " I " will be sending something while I have never had anything returned. Not that I do things for reward, but if the only one having the relationship is me, then I must assume.......I am not liked, I am not wanted, I am not loved. I am, as the author wrote, an irritant that someone is putting up with or ignoring or hiding from.
So even though my heart loves, it is an un-requited love. And that energy, though I believe God given, is not being spent well. So I am determined to take a long hard look at the list in the book and begin the process of amputation of the painful growths that have consumed me over the years. Time to set free those whom I love and be free from those who do not value me. I will work at moving on, trusting God will give me peace as I 'say goodbye' and give joy to those I leave behind.
Should be a new day!
'It's just a sad, universal truth that there are people we love a lot who don't really love us back. Whether platonic or romantic (or even, sadly enough, familial) there are always going to be these uneven relationships in which one person is constantly left feeling as though their emotions and their desires are a mild irritant. There are going to be those we go out of our way for who never quite acknowledge us in return, who will never be there to listen to our problems, who will never drive out in the middle of the night to pick us up when we're in trouble - no matter how much we do these things for them.'
Really speaks to me as I have a life long problem of letting go. I love deeply and for life, and it takes a minute to gain my commitment. Over the years I have seen that some relationships are ended due to distance, circumstance or decision. I have a very difficult time with these, some much more than others, and I find it painful to lose someone I truly care for. It is a death. I grieve.
Interesting is that two of these causes at least are spontaneous if you will. They are easier to work through. You move away, interests change or circumstances change such as having young children or changing schedules. They die a slow, but seemingly expected death. It is almost as if they are on hospice. We know it is coming and we are more prepared. The longing for that person may still exist but you accept that they are 'gone'. You can appreciate the why of seeing it go.
The third case however is the most difficult as it is sudden, unexpected. It is clearly not something prepared for and much like having someone kidnapped. They are just gone! You walk around with this vision of what would have been, what should be, the hopes for the future. Longing for answers, racked with guilt and sorrow. You are not in control and can't effect a change. It's horrible for the one left behind.
In all of these cases, it is important to move through the phases of grief in order to let it all go. I am really horrible at this. But I am also fatigued by it. I have cards, gifts and letters that have never been sent because I don't have an address, I never hear if things are received or perhaps it is like the 100th time " I " will be sending something while I have never had anything returned. Not that I do things for reward, but if the only one having the relationship is me, then I must assume.......I am not liked, I am not wanted, I am not loved. I am, as the author wrote, an irritant that someone is putting up with or ignoring or hiding from.
So even though my heart loves, it is an un-requited love. And that energy, though I believe God given, is not being spent well. So I am determined to take a long hard look at the list in the book and begin the process of amputation of the painful growths that have consumed me over the years. Time to set free those whom I love and be free from those who do not value me. I will work at moving on, trusting God will give me peace as I 'say goodbye' and give joy to those I leave behind.
Should be a new day!
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