Happy New Year
So it is another new year. For many that is a great thing, the opportunity to start new adventures, plan for big changes, forget the past! For some it is painful in that they don't know what the future holds, they have lost something or someone and moving on is like leaving them behind. I have been in both categories at one year or another in my life. I would like to provide a little glimmer of hope to those still waiting for that answer, that change, that new beginning.
In June 2009 I had a terrible car accident. Red light, I was stopped while the young man behind me did not. My car was totaled, and as it would turn out so was I! I was off work for 7 months, in therapy, on medication, getting injections. I had to beg to go back so that I could keep my insurance. I made my way through though many days were agony. You see, I pick up and move people for a living. I am a nurse. Much of the day requires standing on your head to complete procedures, power lifting folks in and out of bed, standing, walking, bending. This was a genuine challenge.
You see I was grateful for the work, for feeling 'better' than I did at the beginning, for being in a better situation than most of my patients. BUT, I still had to wake up in the morning, care for my family, drive unmedicated (which meant pain on the Arizona freeways, not good) and ignore my body all the while I focused on those on my assignment.
I became used to my condition, and determined to improve my health. I did, losing weight and becoming more mobile. The pain didn't stop though, and in rapid course my skeleton 'tapped out'! Within 4 months I went from mobile to bedridden, dancing to dependent on a heating pad set on high. Multiple symptoms developed over the time period from 2009 until 2016. My therapist kept saying it was as if I was becoming an incomplete quadriplegic. My body and functions were not working right or not working at all.
I developed hip fractures, we don't know why. I had deterioration to my spine. I had increased compression in my neck, nerves and spinal cord. I was losing feeling to my legs, arms, and backside. I felt like I was in a constant fog, like I was going to slip in a coma. I lost my ability to think and perform. I went to a neurologist who did extensive testing to diagnose me. I had hours of tests, needles, electrodes, biopsies. I went to a urologist, endocrinologist, gastrointerologist who all did tests, lab, X-rays, etc to diagnose me. I went to a pain orthopedist who injected me to relieve my pain numerous times. Then I went to an orthopedic group who initially thought I was cracked, until the first MRI came back. Then it all changed!
You could hear the brakes as they called me back immediately after that first MRI and said they found problems. It has been progress since. First I had a hip replacement. Better, no more cane or walker, no more hip pain. Then we injected my knees, that was interesting. No it doesn't hurt but that takes zero anticipation away or anxiety. I was able to freak out just the same. Then I saw the second spine surgeon. He took control, set the date and a few hours later I am out out of surgery and the next day out of the hospital. Life changing!
I have no pain at the site. My neck was stiff from the monster hard collar for 6 weeks. But 4 weeks in therapy and I am moving my neck well, some limits but NO PAIN. Anywhere! I sleep unmedicated. I walk unmedicated. I sit unmedicated. I can think, I can remember, I can feel my legs, feet, arms. I can tell I have to go and I do! Life changing! Oh I might stand up a little slow but only for a second and most of the time it is habit not symptoms. You see I have been a wreck for 6 years, 4 months and 15 days.
I was off work for 6 1/2 weeks after surgery and for the first time in years I feel like I am back in the game, completely! I have been in the darkest valley for years. No I did not talk about it, I cope with denial or humor. No I did not complain much. I see people everyday who are in far worse circumstances and am reminded of the gifts I have not the ones I don't. I was cranky sometimes, but usually not. Perhaps too tired, lots of entertaining family and friends, diversions to put an abrupt stop to negative thoughts. Take every thought captive. I live by that and it took on a life of its own when dealing with chronic, deteriorating, health.
So it is a new year. I am grateful for all the things I have. I am grateful for renewed life. I am grateful for the friends and family who have helped me whether it was for a short moment or the long haul. It is not easy being a friend of those who are suffering, and it should never be taken for granted. I am grateful for the physicians who recognized I was not an attention seeking housewife but had serious health issues. I am grateful for their talents that I know are God given.
This year will be all new for me. I will get to see what my body is able to do daily again, take mastery over my well being again. Perhaps resume some things I have missed so much like walking and dancing. I even feel like going out, going shopping, going to church, going to meetings. Can't wait to see what the year will bring. No matter what I accomplish I have this fresh wind right now to encourage me as I start to participate in living.
In June 2009 I had a terrible car accident. Red light, I was stopped while the young man behind me did not. My car was totaled, and as it would turn out so was I! I was off work for 7 months, in therapy, on medication, getting injections. I had to beg to go back so that I could keep my insurance. I made my way through though many days were agony. You see, I pick up and move people for a living. I am a nurse. Much of the day requires standing on your head to complete procedures, power lifting folks in and out of bed, standing, walking, bending. This was a genuine challenge.
You see I was grateful for the work, for feeling 'better' than I did at the beginning, for being in a better situation than most of my patients. BUT, I still had to wake up in the morning, care for my family, drive unmedicated (which meant pain on the Arizona freeways, not good) and ignore my body all the while I focused on those on my assignment.
I became used to my condition, and determined to improve my health. I did, losing weight and becoming more mobile. The pain didn't stop though, and in rapid course my skeleton 'tapped out'! Within 4 months I went from mobile to bedridden, dancing to dependent on a heating pad set on high. Multiple symptoms developed over the time period from 2009 until 2016. My therapist kept saying it was as if I was becoming an incomplete quadriplegic. My body and functions were not working right or not working at all.
I developed hip fractures, we don't know why. I had deterioration to my spine. I had increased compression in my neck, nerves and spinal cord. I was losing feeling to my legs, arms, and backside. I felt like I was in a constant fog, like I was going to slip in a coma. I lost my ability to think and perform. I went to a neurologist who did extensive testing to diagnose me. I had hours of tests, needles, electrodes, biopsies. I went to a urologist, endocrinologist, gastrointerologist who all did tests, lab, X-rays, etc to diagnose me. I went to a pain orthopedist who injected me to relieve my pain numerous times. Then I went to an orthopedic group who initially thought I was cracked, until the first MRI came back. Then it all changed!
You could hear the brakes as they called me back immediately after that first MRI and said they found problems. It has been progress since. First I had a hip replacement. Better, no more cane or walker, no more hip pain. Then we injected my knees, that was interesting. No it doesn't hurt but that takes zero anticipation away or anxiety. I was able to freak out just the same. Then I saw the second spine surgeon. He took control, set the date and a few hours later I am out out of surgery and the next day out of the hospital. Life changing!
I have no pain at the site. My neck was stiff from the monster hard collar for 6 weeks. But 4 weeks in therapy and I am moving my neck well, some limits but NO PAIN. Anywhere! I sleep unmedicated. I walk unmedicated. I sit unmedicated. I can think, I can remember, I can feel my legs, feet, arms. I can tell I have to go and I do! Life changing! Oh I might stand up a little slow but only for a second and most of the time it is habit not symptoms. You see I have been a wreck for 6 years, 4 months and 15 days.
I was off work for 6 1/2 weeks after surgery and for the first time in years I feel like I am back in the game, completely! I have been in the darkest valley for years. No I did not talk about it, I cope with denial or humor. No I did not complain much. I see people everyday who are in far worse circumstances and am reminded of the gifts I have not the ones I don't. I was cranky sometimes, but usually not. Perhaps too tired, lots of entertaining family and friends, diversions to put an abrupt stop to negative thoughts. Take every thought captive. I live by that and it took on a life of its own when dealing with chronic, deteriorating, health.
So it is a new year. I am grateful for all the things I have. I am grateful for renewed life. I am grateful for the friends and family who have helped me whether it was for a short moment or the long haul. It is not easy being a friend of those who are suffering, and it should never be taken for granted. I am grateful for the physicians who recognized I was not an attention seeking housewife but had serious health issues. I am grateful for their talents that I know are God given.
This year will be all new for me. I will get to see what my body is able to do daily again, take mastery over my well being again. Perhaps resume some things I have missed so much like walking and dancing. I even feel like going out, going shopping, going to church, going to meetings. Can't wait to see what the year will bring. No matter what I accomplish I have this fresh wind right now to encourage me as I start to participate in living.
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