Reflections
With the New Year has come some reflection on what matters most, what disappoints most and what needs to be moved down the list. This has been a long process but for the first time in a very long time, I have the mental energy to 'pay attention' to the things passing before my eyes so to speak. Some of it is not new while some is revelation in real time.
Friends, I love my friends! But much like days gone by, I realize I have been blinded by my loyal 'forever friends' mentality even when it is not truly shared. Maya Angelou said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!' Ouch!! I have shared my wisdom with friends and family on the things I have learned from life and yet I am back at this lesson again. I never want to see the motivation of others. I assume they are like me, forever friends or family. Sadly, I SAW some reality this weekend. It kind of hurts, but like some of my relationships from the past, I have to move some folks down the list of priority.
In one circle of long term friends I discovered I suddenly was on the outside. I know it is not intentional, but it is the sands of time that have shifted their priorities and loyalties. The group photo was happening even though we were not in place, which sadder still meant my dear son is now on the outside as well. We are 'history', no longer a part of the things they have in their immediate view.
As I watched the scene, I could see that he sensed it too. He sat at the end, leaned away. He is growing up and has made some new friends, has different things to do. He did not seem too bothered, but also did not desire to stay. Hmmmm. He was happy to say hi to his besties, but as they were pulled aside for other things he was left alone. On a positive note he seemed okay to move on.
I must follow his lead and move on. As a matter of fact, at one defining moment I saw a mom rush to 'beat us to the punch' when we really were not planning to get in the ring. Its a long story. We watched and saw new friendships blooming and we clearly were no longer in the garden.
This sounds sad, and in my current state of mourning it is, but, I also now feel some freedom to step back letting them go so I can focus on those who are still in it for the long haul. That number is much smaller. It is in that number that I find true give and take relationships. It is not all about what they want, need, like, want you to do for them but it is equal in partnership.
We have been rejected and ostracized in the past which at times very confusing and painful to our son. People you would not expect to cast you aside. Probably why this community seemed so perfect for us. We felt certain of our place in the group and even more positive we would always fit in. And for that season we did. We are not outcast in this present situation but simply have become part of the past. We are not relevant. So now I must face the day anew recognizing these new truths and step back from the group to see if it is going to remain a part of our future.
Hard words, tough choices, but in the end positive balance! I have the fondest memories and will treasure them always. I might find a surprise in the journey but for now I can say 'it was a great ride' and prepare for our next great adventure!
Friends, I love my friends! But much like days gone by, I realize I have been blinded by my loyal 'forever friends' mentality even when it is not truly shared. Maya Angelou said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!' Ouch!! I have shared my wisdom with friends and family on the things I have learned from life and yet I am back at this lesson again. I never want to see the motivation of others. I assume they are like me, forever friends or family. Sadly, I SAW some reality this weekend. It kind of hurts, but like some of my relationships from the past, I have to move some folks down the list of priority.
In one circle of long term friends I discovered I suddenly was on the outside. I know it is not intentional, but it is the sands of time that have shifted their priorities and loyalties. The group photo was happening even though we were not in place, which sadder still meant my dear son is now on the outside as well. We are 'history', no longer a part of the things they have in their immediate view.
As I watched the scene, I could see that he sensed it too. He sat at the end, leaned away. He is growing up and has made some new friends, has different things to do. He did not seem too bothered, but also did not desire to stay. Hmmmm. He was happy to say hi to his besties, but as they were pulled aside for other things he was left alone. On a positive note he seemed okay to move on.
I must follow his lead and move on. As a matter of fact, at one defining moment I saw a mom rush to 'beat us to the punch' when we really were not planning to get in the ring. Its a long story. We watched and saw new friendships blooming and we clearly were no longer in the garden.
This sounds sad, and in my current state of mourning it is, but, I also now feel some freedom to step back letting them go so I can focus on those who are still in it for the long haul. That number is much smaller. It is in that number that I find true give and take relationships. It is not all about what they want, need, like, want you to do for them but it is equal in partnership.
We have been rejected and ostracized in the past which at times very confusing and painful to our son. People you would not expect to cast you aside. Probably why this community seemed so perfect for us. We felt certain of our place in the group and even more positive we would always fit in. And for that season we did. We are not outcast in this present situation but simply have become part of the past. We are not relevant. So now I must face the day anew recognizing these new truths and step back from the group to see if it is going to remain a part of our future.
Hard words, tough choices, but in the end positive balance! I have the fondest memories and will treasure them always. I might find a surprise in the journey but for now I can say 'it was a great ride' and prepare for our next great adventure!
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