-135 and Holding

Well 1 year ago it began. A light turned on, a complete change of direction, vision cleared, eyes wide open. All of these could be used to describe the point at which I realized I had to make some changes. And I had to make them for life, not a week or a month. For ever!! And so it began.

I would love to say that I could start this lifestyle change without any assistance but no! I need the Lord in absolutely everything I do and I need 1:1, eye contact, face to face review of the numbers. As I approached the holidays, halfway through this change process I think I could have gone on by myself. I had my new menu and habits hardwired. I make better choices, I have the right food in the house, and I know I am the only one who can make or break this. It is mine, I own it, I am responsible for it. I am the problem and the solution.

Sounds good doesn't it. A life long learner, that is what I am. I started  this battle at 9 and have been in constant contention with it since. It would be a series of events that occurred over just a short period of time that really opened my eyes and cleared the fog. I saw it as it was. No hiding behind the dessert table. Oh you would think things like not being able to fit in an amusement ride, or the baseball stadium seat or a booth might trigger some change. But you  don't live in those places so you can ignore them or walk away using selective memory.

It would be the collision of 5 things that would do it: Watching someone I love with the same weight issues struggling to walk as the result of chronic non-healing injuries, the mounting responsibility of taking care of two elderly parents with declining health, the concern over the long term care needs of our son should I not be around in forty years, a loved one with increasing health problems and a full time job. I suddenly realized that I won't live long if I don't change my condition and no one will be able to take care of me if I don't! I had to get my hands around this behavior.

It is a behavior. It is not an illness, disease or something out of my control. I eat for emotions and fatigue. I think that is pretty common from what I know of this world. I can blame any number of people or circumstances but the truth is that it is me, only me, always me. ME ME ME! Sing that a few thousand times until it sinks in. I choose, I shop, I cook, I I I I I make the food go in or go away. Therefore I I I I can fix it. I can choose what, when, how, where and why to eat. I can shop for the right food, and get lots of it to have in the house and car and office. I can cook food that is lower calorie, or even different from what I prepare for others, just for me if need be. I CAN because I CHOOSE to be IN CONTROL.

So I began the process of watching every detail of my day. Reviewing my food, activity. Seeing what worked and what didn't for my daily activities. Checking in every week, faithfully. I even have a chart with all of my results on it. I pay attention to my stats...just like I would with my bank account, TV guide or facebook. I read it, follow it and I know what is going on! No difference. It is part of my daily routine. And I have come now to the place where I think I can begin maintenance. I have learned the value of celery and Extra Dessert Line gums. I have a plan and a backup plan. I am prepared. Much like my trips to Disneyland. I have all the necessary tools, and if I forget something, I go buy it!

So while I am not too sure if I am at MY personal goal, everyone including my physician, husband, family and friends think I am good. I value their opinions. I take tons of photos as the mind and the body are about 12 months apart. I never really saw my size in my minds eye....only in photos or tiny seats. Now I am trying to learn to see a smaller me today, as I still tend to see a larger me. I would say by next summer I might see the me I am today. So next year when I get a compliment I might agree:-)

That all being said, I am grateful for the first year. I determined I was changing my lifestyle, not doing a program. It is a marathon not a sprint and I will cross the finish line when I die. How is that for goal setting. For the rest of my days there are many fruits, vegetables and proteins on the menu. An occasional starch .... perhaps. It is not a diet, it is a lifestyle. It is not for now it is for always. And it is fine, because it is just food not a kidney! And I will exercise. I will focus on that. I will run the race (or at least walk very quickly) and finish, my eyes on the prize.

And in this journey I also believe that because I have done this I can likely do many other things that have been on my bucket list. Things that perhaps at one point seemed too hard, now I think many of them are possible. So perhaps as time moves forward I will move from year one, weight loss, to year two, ironing....or some such. I am eager to see which challenge will become my next life changing project.

Stay tuned friends and family, and be encouraged, because if I can YOU CAN TOO! Jude 24-25