Love the One You're With
That's right, love the one you're with. That sounds simple enough. But quite frequently we are tempted, whether by some emotional bent or visual eye candy, to seek the one .....over there. What is that? My thoughts on the topic are below, obviously, it's a blog.
1. You SEE someone who looks/acts/has something you want or that has appeal. They are popular, have money, affluent lifestyle, party life, possessions, etc. The appearance is they have 'it'! They may seem to navigate life well, but what is it that you don't see? Is the camera-ready life of the party there when the night is over and the guests go home? Do they have the same attitude, personality, interest in others when they are not on stage? Do they invest in others? I would wager my salary the answer is no!
2. You MISS someone you lost. There is a gaping hole that no amount of putty will fill. Your idea, theirs or God's they are no longer in your world. The story that was being written is abruptly ended, dreams have died, you are no longer living that life. It is a death in all cases. You have no control over the void. There is grieving and sorrow and longing. Do they care/notice/long for you? Again, if this is the scenario that answer is no!
3. You DREAM of the 'idea' of people............hey, they aren't real, they don't exist. That idea of a spouse, friend, sibling, child, partner is not real. It is an image or idea you have about what you 'think' is right, what you 'think' is perfect, but indeed they are not real. No one exists who lives up to the dream, that imaginary friend you have in your head. NOT REAL.
I think at the holidays this is magnified as you are painfully aware of the hole in your heart, that missing slide in the projector. For me it is often what I think is important for my son, what is he missing, what has been lost, what is important to him. I am reminded of a few things that not only help me when I ache for him but I apply them to my life as well.
1. Whose in the room/your life/your story on a daily basis. Who is next to you when times are good or horrible or terrifying. That is who you love.
2. Who wants to be with you and wants you with them? That is the one who has your back, is your cheerleader, your comforter, your friend, your family. That is who you love.
3. Who knows you, your dreams and loves you anyway, unconditionally present, judgements removed. That is who you love.
Our very sensitive son has lost people in his life and it has been difficult for him to understand. He used to wait for those missing people to return, but as he has grown he has demonstrated love of those in his world each day or better TODAY. He doesn't miss a beat. He says 'It's ok mom, I love you!" just because he wants you to know. And when he goes to program, he walks in the room and hugs/high-fives/hand slaps each person. He values those right there in the room, those are his friends, his family. He is full of joy in the moment. As I watch him he does this no matter where he is and every time he changes groups. He is a lover and he spends his day, loving the one he's with. So I see that the lesson is rather than focusing on what/who was, what/who isn't or what/who is only smoke and mirrors, why not celebrate the love of the one you're with.
1. You SEE someone who looks/acts/has something you want or that has appeal. They are popular, have money, affluent lifestyle, party life, possessions, etc. The appearance is they have 'it'! They may seem to navigate life well, but what is it that you don't see? Is the camera-ready life of the party there when the night is over and the guests go home? Do they have the same attitude, personality, interest in others when they are not on stage? Do they invest in others? I would wager my salary the answer is no!
2. You MISS someone you lost. There is a gaping hole that no amount of putty will fill. Your idea, theirs or God's they are no longer in your world. The story that was being written is abruptly ended, dreams have died, you are no longer living that life. It is a death in all cases. You have no control over the void. There is grieving and sorrow and longing. Do they care/notice/long for you? Again, if this is the scenario that answer is no!
3. You DREAM of the 'idea' of people............hey, they aren't real, they don't exist. That idea of a spouse, friend, sibling, child, partner is not real. It is an image or idea you have about what you 'think' is right, what you 'think' is perfect, but indeed they are not real. No one exists who lives up to the dream, that imaginary friend you have in your head. NOT REAL.
I think at the holidays this is magnified as you are painfully aware of the hole in your heart, that missing slide in the projector. For me it is often what I think is important for my son, what is he missing, what has been lost, what is important to him. I am reminded of a few things that not only help me when I ache for him but I apply them to my life as well.
1. Whose in the room/your life/your story on a daily basis. Who is next to you when times are good or horrible or terrifying. That is who you love.
2. Who wants to be with you and wants you with them? That is the one who has your back, is your cheerleader, your comforter, your friend, your family. That is who you love.
3. Who knows you, your dreams and loves you anyway, unconditionally present, judgements removed. That is who you love.
Our very sensitive son has lost people in his life and it has been difficult for him to understand. He used to wait for those missing people to return, but as he has grown he has demonstrated love of those in his world each day or better TODAY. He doesn't miss a beat. He says 'It's ok mom, I love you!" just because he wants you to know. And when he goes to program, he walks in the room and hugs/high-fives/hand slaps each person. He values those right there in the room, those are his friends, his family. He is full of joy in the moment. As I watch him he does this no matter where he is and every time he changes groups. He is a lover and he spends his day, loving the one he's with. So I see that the lesson is rather than focusing on what/who was, what/who isn't or what/who is only smoke and mirrors, why not celebrate the love of the one you're with.
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