Freedom

What does it mean to have freedom? To be free? Many people discuss this and from diverse points of view. Just being able to tell someone your thoughts, this blog, is evidence of freedom. In most countries it is forbidden to share an independent idea. And when some dare to rise up and take the risk of voicing their thoughts, a revolution occurs.
I sit and listen to people degrade our country, our privilege and they defend anything that comes to their minds. They criticize the military, the defense funds and weapons and yet, without these vital elements we would be at the mercy of those who would choose to control and oppress us. You can even complain about the complaint and not go to jail or be stoned to death.
So what do I enjoy about my freedom? The ability to shop where I want, eat where I want, bank where I want, work where I want, live where I want, marry who I want, worship who I want and where I want. I can read what I want, watch what I want, believe what I want, pray where I want.
We have so much to be thankful for. We can do ANYTHING we want as long as it does not harm others. We are free to be, do, live, laugh, cry and celebrate anywhere across the country. We are free to be you and me, so fly a flag, thank a soldiers family, grill some hot dogs, watch some sports and thank your God you live here, in the land of the free and the brave. JUDE 24-25

Happy Fathers Day

Fathers day. What a wonderful opportunity to recall the many wonderful memories. Now I could bore you with hours of tales, and I mean HOURS! But not wanting to be that annoying friend or family member who drops in with their three hour slide show, I am going to pose some questions instead.
For starters, what is your earliest memory of your father? Might be fun, not so fun or third hand. You know the ones, your sibling reminds you of something you may have chosen to forget. These are usually more fun for the sibs!
What about the favorite christmas, best vacation, first driving lesson, greatest fish story? My mind is full of answers. My dad lived a fascinating and full life and has stories enough to co-write a Clive Cussler thriller! Good stuff.
And then there are those softer memories. Like favorite aftershave, shirts, sayings and how he mended those injuries or wounded hearts. Dad provided hours of laughter, good humor and hours of card playing. I am grateful every day for my dad, the man that he is and the optimism with which he saw the world.
Hope you will enjoy your walk down memory lane.

It's All Good

No matter what the day might look like, perspective is everything. I see so much wisdom in the simple way my son approaches life. As I watch him day in and day out I glean behavior that would be so much more desirable. Don't get me wrong. He is a boy, a teenager and is far more fond of dirt and body noises then I am.
That being said, his great outlook far overshadows these "hobbies." When things don't work right or won't let go he will declare "Hmmm. It's a sticky situation here." I laugh every time. Or there are any number of times he has to remind me "Calm down mom. Take a deep breath and count to ten." This of course followed by a rendition of the Doodlebops song Count To Ten.
How many times has a situation presented where a cheery song and count down could have averted a melt down? Well in the last 24 hours I can honestly say that I should be singing still....but no. I find it difficult to see that "sticky situation" as an opportunity to sing. Instead I repress the thoughts and emotions I do not feel are Godly to declare and develop chest palpitations and arm pain. Pretty weak sister ya think? But an honest one.




So how to amend my coping process is likely as simple as to "sing, sing a song...." You know the rest. I may need a few reminders until I can make my attitude adjustment habit.

NEW LIFE! It is a wonderful miracle. I cry everytime a baby is born. It started early on and I just can't stop. I remember as a nursing student having to make up a clinical on a cold snowy Saturday morning. The floor was short staffed and the halls were overflowing with round bellied ......."stressed" women. They saw my nursing uniform and sent me straight to a delivery room. Are you kidding? I can't do that I protested, I am just a student. It was made clear to me that I had arms and no skid shoes I would do! So in I went. I watched my first live birth. Put those school videos to shame. I was mesmorized. And then it happened. After a lot of screaming and sweating out came the most beautiful human being I had ever seen. I CRIED.....ALOT! And the doctor turned around, handed me this creation and said "do your stuff!" As I sniffled and cried some more.
THEN I thought for a few seconds and decided I had no idea what "stuff" was.
After raising an eyebrow and mumbling he listed off what my job was. It was clear at that moment he had no idea I was a student despite the presence of my bright yellow school bib. He softened and helped me assess this newborn. Cool! I probably said that 100 times.
I have since enjoyed this experience a number of times with friends and eventually after several miscarriages I had my son. And we cried. What a privilege we are given to care for and love these gifts. I think of how so many choose not to have their babies. One moment looking in those eyes or touching those tiny fingers and I am certain most would change their minds.
I am humbled when I think about the job God has entrusted me with. To raise a child in the way he should go, to be a
testimony to the God that knit him in the womb. Cool!
To our cousins who today delivered another miracle I say "Cool"!

Shambles

So you wake up feeling great most days. You groom, nourish, pray, interact and rest each day. You care deeply for family and friends, enjoying those moments together. You feel pretty good. You go about your business without a clue that an assault is coming. Your nice mojo is about to be blasted to bits leaving you in shambles. And most alarming is no one will say a word. They will cover their eyes, ears and mouths letting the bitter chemicals eat away at the fabric of your being. Like the fence around this house you are shunned without cause. Left to wonder about all those years of love and trust you put into those you thought were genuine, faithful, faithfilled and true. You only see now that no one can be relied upon save for God alone. You are outside, castaway from your circle of life. Tragedy in every way and we are reminded then of Gods faithfulness and justice in all things. Our defender and the lover of our soul. We are reminded that when men fail God prevails. When men knock us down God picks us up. That when men stop loving us God carries us. That when we are alone and discouraged God gives us hope and friendship.
When man finds you worthless God finds you priceless. When you are cast aside, left in shambles, God sees you worth more than silver or gold.
Do not be discouraged for I bring you Good News!
The best news is that God will enter that broken down fence, He will sit at your table and He will love you as you are without condition. HE is your one true family and friend.

unconditional

I AM GOING IN! Wait you shout, you can not pet the ducks. We are not the same. They only like us if we feed them. We only like them if their dinner. Always some rule or exception or clause for the ducks and people to coexist. Sound familiar?
I have found it interesting to see if I can truly give unconditional love and acceptance. It takes deliberate, intentional actions at times. A concentrated effort to give love to all no restraint or restrictions. BUT it can be done. Even more enlightening is to assess if I am able to receive unconditional love and affection. Much like those ducks I think there are conditions, hidden hazards, mysterious motives that are really intended to bait me in so you can baste and roast me for dinner.
We are complex beings with insecurities and unchecked emotions that lend us to creating more drama to any conversation than needs to exist. We are suspicious and hyper-reactive to even the slightest waiver in tone or volume. Unconditional! It means NO condition action motion emotion will cause me to love you less or more. It is not I love you if or when but I love you. Period.
Enduring unmoved unshaken uncomplicated uninhibited undying love. Unconditional.
So like that boy who says he is going to see the ducks. He doesn't care if they are loud scary flighty nippy ugly bald. He just loves the ducks. Maybe one day the ducks won't run for cover but hang around for a little TLC!

What, was I talking? Have you experienced this today? I have been reflecting on this from both sides of the discussion. I was in a meeting and without fail every time someone wanted to interject a thought or explain their side, this face would be glaring back at them. You could tell that there was not the least bit of interest in anything that would be said. Their way or the highway.
It took me back to many past situations personal and professional where a conversation was attempted but clearly the face looking back had closed the door. They were not going to even entertain hearing what you thought or felt. Your opinion or concern was not important, it didn't matter. Only them. Only what they would choose to think would be considered to be so.
Frustrating to say the least. Especially when you want peace, you find yourself at war. Tragic really. God told us to think more of others than ourselves. He told us forgive. And so we do this but the caution is that while you do your part to live in peace you can never influence others to take those same steps. That is Gods work. Only His spirit will change the heart. The good news is that He can and has changed hearts, changed lives. So we know He can change the hardest hearts. The job we have in the meantime? Love, pray and trust.

Sock Puppets

While I run in circles trying to juggle all the cares of the world my son is focused on the here and now. Seems there is a Sunday service in there somewhere. But just at the absolute breaking point to my overbooked schedule, he runs in to tell me the funniest joke, he promises. I sigh deeply and try to act extremely interested.
"Why did the banana go to the doctor?" "I don’t. Know. Why would a banana go to the doctor?" "Because he didn't peel well. Get it mom?"
Okay I have to admit it is pretty funny. Then I realized I wasn't peeling as well as I should either. Why, I half wondered as I clearly knew the answer. I had not been spending enough time with my fruit, or son. I was busy but for all the wrong reasons. Happens to me all the time. I move or sleep. I must be doing. Problem is I start out good, defined list, clear priorities. Then the magnet phenomena occurs. I attract every project, needy person, volunteer for all the projects. Before I know it I have packed that schedule to the hilt. Jesus will be back before I hit page two. Just call me Martha.
It is while at the bookstore that my son tells me he has found it. The perfect thing. Sock puppets. A kit to make puppets. It is easy the box assures me. For children 8 and older......right!
The easy kit turned into an all night ordeal. But what fun it was. I was not messing with work emails, my classwork, the dozens of other things I do. I was focused. I had my eye on the prize. And it reinforced something I know but often forget. I do my best when I am all in as opposed to divided into a million pieces. I made two pretty decent sock puppets, completed in one sitting. Not dragged out over four weeks and a fragmented calendar. Some of my family or friends have this perfected. I am still learning I guess. I have to reboot my mental computer and do a scan to defragment and declutter. I hope I get this down someday. But in the meantime I will start out with babysteps, or in this case Sally the monkey and Spot the dog.

A Wonderful Life

Who knew that bell bottom pants would go out of style then come back. And platform shoes? Really, no one could walk on them the first time and yet they have soared back into fame. And then there is that disco music. We were just laughing the other day as we realized that some of our current favorite movies or shows win that affection because of the tunes or lifestyle portrayed. We remember younger days, and seemingly better ones. We turn off the tube with a sigh and a smile. Just walking through the grocery store the other evening they were playing all the popular 80's music. People were singing and toe tapping down every aisle. Ha Good times.
When I look at the entire aging process it really mirrors these moments. The current times maybe look too complicated, or busy so you regress to those younger more active days in your mind. While there is nothing wrong with the present, we all seem to enjoy most of it. We all find some comfort in looking at old pictures, times when there were fewer complications to living daily.
So as I sit across from my father during his 83rd birthday, my mom by his side, I see memories of better days, good times. Watching him talk and tell stories he basks in the light of the good old days,times in the service, all the planes he has flown, times of travel and times with his family. While he doesn't always remember us now, he knew us when and he is happy with those memories. They make him chuckle,and cause him to recall other fun times or conversations.
This could cause me to despair, but I could not be happier because he has indeed had a great life, lived a long time and enjoys the memories of days gone by. I have annoyed people for years with my camera but I am so glad I did. I have so many pictures of those good old days and he recognizes many of those times. I have even copied old pictures from his childhood. Good stuff. So what have I learned from this season? Time goes by fast, and while we are so busy running to keep up it is those quieter or simpler times that we will reflect on. Think about it, after being married 20 years we reflect on our youth, dating, falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and the birth of our dear son. Those are wonderful memories and I am so glad that I will be able to look back with the same pleasure as my father.....I have had a great life, lived a long time and enjoyed all those days gone by. Good times:-)

Sunday Best

As I begin each day I spend a great deal of time getting clean, groomed, decorated and properly clothed. This to go to work, where I will sweat, be in constant contact with unmentionables and certainly will collect a stain or two to my hand picked outfit. By the end of the day make up is no longer in it's original location or state, but rubbed about to highlight less desirable features. All in a days work.

What is the benefit of this morning ritual? The first few people think I look very nice, but by mid-day they think I look tired and as I egress to the car some ask if I feel okay. And this causes me to chuckle as some days I am not sure myself. But all in all I don't mind the disheveled condition in which I leave work as I feel it is worth the mess. It feels good.

Then there are those times where I don't want to paint the barn or put on the dry cleaned outfits. I want to just relax, be comfortable. This is nice, but upon reflection, it may appear that I am placing less effort for one activity more than others. This can cause observers to say that it appears one group of people is more important than others. I make less effort for some. Hmmm.

And what about Sunday? I grew up in a liturgical world. Dresses, hats, gloves, shiny leather shoes and proper manners. Sears Finishing School, I know where all the silverware goes and what it is used for. I made the most charming appearance upon attending those great houses of worship. The question would be for whom did I dress? And this got me thinking about all the other times I do or don't "dress". Where should my focus be?

Truly I need to start dressing from the inside out, not the top to bottom or utilizing war paint....not saying I don't need it, just shouldn't be the first coat or project so to speak. What is my motivation for the day, who has my focus and what do I want to be seen by others when I exit the preparation room? I think it needs to always start in the heart, looking for the reflection of my actions, then the mirror for necessary repairs. And if I indeed have the proper focus for the day, I will desire to honor others with my spiritual, emotional and physical appearance. That does not mean designer jeans or zillion dollar handbags, but cloths that are modest. Then I can assure my hair is in a kept style and just a tad of accents if it is pleasing to those I should please first in the world, family. And I know that if I dress in this order, putting on my Spiritual Sunday Best first, everything else will fall in to place. Despite the day or the number of stains I will have the glow that only comes from getting dressed in the right order.

Romans 13:12-14

Memories..........

Memories, those things that are entertaining and over time become even more so as they evolve into new, enhanced memories. Those of you who have been around older folks might have seen this phenomena. A story losses details and gains details and suddenly it is a completely new story. Best part, no one knows that the elements have been changed so you are able to hold the audience captive with the same intensity as when they were first told, version 1.1.

As we have watched this stage in life unfold we are seeing bits of the present disappearing and more of the past becoming a bit cloudy. And for most of it, only we recognize these changes. But every once in awhile he remembers that he can't remember, which upsets him. Then he sees a bird and he has instantly forgotten what he remembered he forgot. I see glimmers of this in my life already. I wonder some day will I be remembering a different reality? This would not be all bad, but most of my real life has been exceptional.

So for me it has always been pictures. I have thousands of pictures, literally. Books, boxes and now discs and hard drives. I don't won't to miss a thing. I believe I got this from my parents. I am so grateful for this annoying yet perfectly divine habit. I have pictures of everything; first swim, first cake, first camping trip, first concert, first car, first job, first school, first (only) husband, first son, first house, and on and on and on. Wonderful. I have piled through these memories on a few occasions this past year and a half with the unexpected loss of a cousin, loss of a dear nephew, the stroke of my father and the graduation of our son. Other moments we have enjoyed spending time in the years of memories from pictures of my husbands family and mine, remembering wonderful times, and we are left smiling.

So I have found that by writing books with pictures instead of words I am able to restore order to some memories for my dad and will be preserving memories for me. When opportunities arise we can reunite with family and be able to show them every moment missed. We can share with friends and entertain them with stories of our lives. And hopefully we will not drift too far off the facts, but when we do, we trust we will be as entertaining as in our more reliable and fact filled presentations.

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time” Friedrich Nietzsche