Turning a New Leaf......

I am so excited to see this year close and a new year begin. Why you ask? No you didn't ask? That's alright, it's my blog and I am going to tell you anyway. That's the beauty of writing:-)

I can list many good things that happened this year. Among them a great visit with my sister and my brother earlier in the year followed by a family Thanksgiving Feast organized by my nephew. Wonderful to see family. I get so lonely for company as I don't get away like I used to. Change number one for 2012: GET AWAY!

I started a new position in December that is delightful! While I had to leave the best roomie ever, I have found that I have pleasant office mates, an excellent boss, great employees and I am doing something I truly enjoy. Change number two: ENJOY what you do!

Cody performed in a ballet and we all had a great time. It was work, it was a little "positive" stress and I loved every minute. I LOVED IT! I realized a lost love of mine is theater and performing. I have dug out the viola and am planning for more Cody and Mom theater works. Change number three: Do MORE things I love to do!
Rich has struggled with health and in a very tedious manner we are finding things one at a time. His gallbladder removed he has seen one set of symptoms resolved. A hiatal hernia has been found that explains another set of symptoms. Tests continue in order to identify the cause of the unresolved things. Change number four: PERSISTENCE! We have spent years waiting for others to act and now we have found two WONDERFUL surgeons and a new GI doctor. We are excited to see them continue to persist in their efforts to help Rich get better. We WON'T give up until we are symptom free.

As for the less then positive news, I will move on to my final change for 2012. Change number five: I won't focus on the things in this list. Too easy to be distracted from what matters, what has been given, what has been forgiven. I will concentrate on the promise and hope that has been presented to us in a manger a long time ago.

Happy New Year my dear friends and family! You are one of the positive things I am choosing to remember and carry with me into the New Year. Look forward to many memories with you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Linus Van Pelt: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" 1965

Christmas is a wonderful time of year for most! And we love the decorations, music, visits with friends and family, as well as the opportunity to express our love for others. We don't need to know them, but to show them we care and feel that no matter what, they are valuable and special. That is the best! We hope that you know how special YOU are to us too!

We are always looking for those great pictures, good stories and enjoying EVERY wonderful treat we receive. Of course, you settle for what you get, right? Ha. Sometimes those pictures will earn you a spot in the next Awkward Family Holiday Photos book. I know I hit delete a few times already and I am NOT done.

As for the stories, well, if you have my moderately warped sense of humor you might find things a bit humorous...for example...My son only wanted ONE thing badly, the rest he just wanted! It was a "NEW" movie, meaning one he had never seen, not new in the retail world. So as he tore through the packages that looked like it might contain the movie, he discovered, it was not there. His conclusion was that he Knew Santa was just pretend because if he wasn't he would have gotten the movie. He did enjoy his other gifts thoroughly however and we thought all is well......until I am approached with "Quick Mom, I have something to show you!" This usually means something is broken or there is a new character on Barney:-)
I arrive to the computer to see that our son has navigated through the Internet to find the missing Christmas prize and has found it for sale on Amazon. "We can get it right now!" THANK YOU Founders of the Internet:-) SIGH

Rich enjoyed serving at church for the Christmas services and the church looked awesome! It is a special time when many come for the first time or come for their only time each year so we always want everything perfect to make it special for them. And it was great.

Cody was extremely tired and took a little nap here and there during the service. At the end while giving an invitation to accept Jesus into your heart I realized he was awake as when the time came for those who had said this prayer to raise their hands, his shot up in the air! WOW! On Christmas Eve! How very cool is that, and he received his little packet of information to learn more about his decision. It was a great gift. And on the way home he talked about what he had done, about saying your sorry and being forgiven. He GETS it. I hope he will be able to help others get it too.

So we are finishing up a busy and challenging year with great news and looking forward to what the new year will bring. We hope you had a great Christmas and will be blessed in the New Year as well. Lots of love to you all ..... and to all a Good Night! (I couldn't resist)

Lost

It is difficult to say what happens that leads to being lost. Lost in spirit, lost in energy, lost in time, lost! It is often seen with fatigue, frustration or hopelessness. It is not intentional or observed, and it happens almost without notice. It is gradual, silent, but the gravity of the void is enormous.
So here in this season of celebration, decorations, gifts and singing the chasm widens and the despair is palpable, weighing a zillion tons. There is no joy, no ability to sense or feel the spirit of hope or promise. It is here that it is impossible to hear the voice calling with compassion. It is darkness all around even in the midst of crowds and bright lights.
What is it that began the divide? What is it that is missing? What is it that caused the disappointment and loss of faith, loss of trust? What is covering the eyes and preventing a clear view of the light?
A careful assessment may reveal that the problem is internal, doubt of the very thread woven through every truth revealed. Doubt has caused many to fail, fearing the unknown and resisting the steps ahead. Choosing to listen to the voice of condemnation and accusation lends to a change in heart, a change in attitude, change in faith. It leads to a complete loss of hope in the One who promised to stand the test of time, provide the greatest need, support the weakest hand, lead the lost and provide eternal rest.
So what is the answer? Captive, take every thought captive. Weigh them and resist those that are death and hold on to those full of life. Choose to listen to a good and righteous voice rejecting the very whisper of the enemy who destroys from within. That voice belongs to one who chose to turn away and he does not stand alone. He desires to take many with him, diverting them from the truth of Eternity.
This season full of light, full of promise is the answer to the hole in he heart of man. It is the very purpose of the One who is celebrated every year around the world. It is He, Jesus, that provides the answers, gives strength to the timid, gives healing to the ill, gives patience to the tired, gives mercy to those who stumble and grace to man for all eternity.
So today, take every thought captive, choose life in Christ and gain hope in His birth and death. See the bright lights and celebrate the gift that is without price. Know that there is One who will remove the vale from your eyes so that you may find the way and who will open your ears to hear the constant voice of love He has for you. If you must be lost, be lost in Him!

Small Grain Big Mountain

Gluten, a tiny protein found in wheat, rye, barley, malt, tritichale and spelt. How big is a grain that contains this powerful element? Lets just say it can travel miles on a a summer breeze! Yet this tiny grain can cause irreversable, life altering health issues if your body can not metabolize it, attacking itself instead of the enemy. And all of this takes me to the line at Sprouts. Nothing says "special" like a ton of all gluten free food and you reach VIP status when you see the total. Talk about national debt!!! BUT it is a gift in disguise. Who knew!!
"I can not take the texture, like crunching on fried ants or a city cockroach" the cashier exclaimed to which I ponder what are the country roaches like. Hmmm! But of course knowing we are talking about bread might take your imagination down another road all together. Ha!

My son did not like me for months after I took away his gluten. He did have after all live on a pure dairy gluten diet. And the stuff I made or found those first months?? Priceless because you can't put a price on torture. Ha!

I made bread so heavy it would hold down a tarp in a tornado. And the pasta, oh the pasta! Overcook it one milli second and it is mush, under cook it and it is rocks. I calculated there is a three second window between those two. I threw away a lot of pasta those first months.

Now the fact is that most things headed for your mouth have gluten. Flour, anything with flour. And anything thickened! Gravy, dressings, sauces, everything! Who could have guessed it would be testing to diagnose a blood related cancer or celiac disease. I remember thinking I was not sure which one I would survive, let alone Cody.

Now you might say Celiac disease, but this is a kid who was a true blue "dairyterian". Never touched a none dairy product in 12 years all of which were served on bread or pasta. Pizza, mac n' cheese, cheese sandwich. I would have to remove every known food source and start from scratch. He had never touched meat, veggies.

Fortunately it was Celiac disease and it only took me a year to learn to cook food that did not out weigh us and that did not feel like shattered glass when you chew. I am proud to say I can make a mean blueberry muffin, chocolate brownies are awesome and well the gravy at Thanksgiving I was told was the best ever! I am so GRATEFUL that my son still loves me and has become happy with his food world today. It is all good.....NOW!



It is important to know that like Matthew 17:20 "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Truly, one step at a time I have told the mountain to move and in a most wonderful way it did!

I Need a Hug!

These are my very favorite words in the whole world. It was always something I have been free to share, a touchy feelie kind of girl. Ha. But hearing those four little words from my "man child" well he can have just about anything he wants. And he does! Okay I am bad, he is spoiled, but he is so cute and he does have to earn things. He has to follow rules, be compliant, complete a task, wake up in the morning :-) So I may be weak at times, but who are we kidding. I would give an arm or a kidney if he asked for a hug first or just right after the request.
When I think of those who don't know how to show genuine affection I am sad. I know people who only hug people who would hug them, they won't initiate it or share it. They are kind of greedy with the affection. Then there are those who are not gifted with showing physical affection, that is just tragic. Not only do I wonder what is in their heart, but I wonder what hurt they have carried through life that would prevent them from showing or receiving affection, even a simple hug!
Then there are those who have no one to hug. They would love one, but perhaps they are poor or unkempt, scaring off the world walking around them with up tilted noses. Or they are mentally not able to communicate, yet they still need that hug desperately! So many are afraid of what will happen, what they will catch, who will see them. All of this does not matter a whit in the eternal world. God says we may entertain angels unaware. Dale Evans wrote a book by this title about a daughter they had adopted, a baby with Down syndrome, when it was not fashionable to do so. They were not afraid for a moment to hold, kiss, hug or show off this unassuming little girl. Yet I have seen those who today, in a world of advanced knowledge and education, who will not let themselves be seen showing affection to a challenged child or adult. They not only withhold much needed affection and validation for that lovely and innocent life, but they have missed the greatest reward. A free, unsolicited,uncomplicated hug, no strings attached. How often does that really happen??
Well, for me everyday, many times. Yes it is true I am his mother and he tells me I am his Best Girl In The World Ever, but he would just as freely hug every other person he meets over the course of the day. And he would mean it, no false affection, no unspoken mean words, just a sweet, warm, firm, I Got You kind of hug, no lines to wait in!!!
I hope that if you have a hugger in your life, you go straight away and grab a couple to get you through the day. If you don't go find one, collect a few and perhaps take lessons on giving them away. It is healthy for you the huggee, it is healthy for them the hugger and it is a great gift for the global community we live in. So from this virtual conversation I am sending you a BIG HUG! Now, pass it on!!
Jude 24-25

Don't Ask Don't Tell? Not anymore!

This is a story about a little boy. He is adorable, and even though the mother is saying it, I have heard it from others. I believe them too. He was a happy child, but chronically ill. We lived in the emergency room for 12 years. Literally! We would hear the midnight "bark" from his room or wheeze with crying and it was off and running. Now, our home was just 6 minutes door to door, though I am not exactly sure if that was within the speed limit. I must have been close, but I can honestly say I never looked!

Ear infections and respiratory infections that caused him to have croup. Breathing treatments, antibiotics, steroids. Good times. NOT! But we were grateful for the emergency department. They got to where they knew him and as soon as we came in the door they got him back to the room. Wonderful (I think). I would far rather be known at Target or Cheesecake Factory, but no. Sigh!

Anyway, we were sent to allergists who wanted to test him and put him on life long shots, pulmonologists who wanted him on 3-4 time a day breathing treatments and steroids. Something never felt right, I never said yes. We went to all of our appointments, got all of the shots and annual blood work.  It would be at his 12 year old exam that our nightmare, or answer, would begin. He was a mere 68 pounds and 4'7". And for the umpteenth time we were told his labs were a little abnormal, that he was anemic and that a specialist suggested iron. Oh and his thyroid was off so we need to see an endocrinologist right away. Now the boy had been on supplements and vitamins since he was three weeks old, so, what?

Well off to the Endocrinologist we went. The entire time we are there she is asking us about a hematology oncology referral. We had no such referral. So I finally asked to see the lab report and upon looking I my heart stopped! As a nurse I can tell you I have seen dying people with better lab work. Horrified! I had not been told about ALL the lab values. And I never asked! It never occurred to me. The doctor never told.

I realized it must be a Don't Ask Don't Tell clause I missed.

So I picked up a copy of all the lab work on the way home and put it in a spreadsheet. I am a nurse after all. I started making some phone calls. Within a couple of hours I had a hematologist I never met calling me at home at 7 pm at night. He had seen the spreadsheet. We saw him the next morning. After some office tests it was either cancer or celiac disease. All I heard "his life could end cancer" or "never eat again celiac disease".

This lovely specialist connected us with a gastroenterologist (GI doc) and within a week he was seen, had a scope and was diagnosed with Celiac disease. Gluten was killing our son. The only two food groups this child ate for 12 years was gluten and dairy. Seriously!! I called him a dairyterian.

In four months he grew 5 inches, 70 pounds and 5 shoe sizes. WOW! Literally busted out of clothes every two weeks. It was crazy.

Three years later he is 5' 5 1/2", 190 pounds and has NOT been sick or to the emergency room except one time for an intestinal virus. ONE TIME THREE YEARS! He is pink, a color he had never had before experienced behind his blue lips and pale skin. He has energy and no longer needs to be forced to run or be dragged around the track. He won his last meet by a mile! And he eats...everything. I mean.....everything!

So my policy changed immediately on that day three years ago. I ASK and THEY MUST TELL! I get copies of all his tests, I carry his spreadsheet to all appointments and his physicians are all amazed that this is the same little fragile boy they met in 2008.

Really???

How many times have I uttered that simple word? And on some of my more classic days it is often followed or preceded by things like "Are you kidding me?" "I can't believe this!" "Come on." "Unbelievable!" Etc Etc Etc. You get the just. Now alone, any one of these may be subjected to serious consideration. Is she excited? Is she happy? Is she confused? Does she want to go for a ride? Could "really" go in any number of directions. But to be quite transparent, it just means.............REALLY?!

Have you had one of those moments or days? Things are going along well and then it happens. You have an "event". Could be the dropping of the ice cubes or the crashing of a car or anything in between. We become immediately perplexed as to why such a life changing event (remember the ice cube) has happened to poor little us. Me, suffering such a travesty as a wet floor or the need to BEND OVER! Do I hear a giggle? Is it just me? You must know the moment I am referring to, the one where you are humbled by spilled tea or a dropped box of Q-tips.

I would like to feel guilty and isolated in this but I am a firm believer that we are more alike than unalike. And because of that I don't commit myself immediately to serious counseling or a mental health unit as a result. Plain and simple, it is grumbling. Complaining when a normal common life event occurs. "Do all things without grumbling." You may have heard this and thought it was a quote from Oprah or some such, but no it is from a far more reliable source. Philippians 2:14.

So while I am always trying to catch it before it flies, I realize it is going to slip at times. And as I am an old(er) dog it takes a bit longer to learn my tricks:-) What I want to do is take that thought captive and give it a happy thought :-) Yes think Disney. What would Cinderella do? Or Snow White? Or even Barney? They would sing. So if you are around me in the next few weeks (years) while I work on this most human flaw you may hear me whistle a happy tune or sing about my favorite things. Ha. I might even throw an old 70's song in there. So let the games (or music) begin!

Friends

I am constantly amazed by the gentle and accepting nature of our son. He has never met an enemy, which is not necessarily a good point, but for this post it is perfect! He has enjoyed every moment of his social world. And he is timeless, without age or barrier. He actually thinks he is one of us, you know, adults! Even though he would prefer to lay on the floor with Woody or dance to BooBah, he is comfortable at the table with old(er) people.

I envy him at times. He does not seem to get annoyed by conversation or quirky mannerisms. He does not seem to mind if they repeat themselves or drone on and on. He doesn't even get disturbed if they interrupt, something I never do.....or at least never admit to. "Hey I was talking!" Anyway, time in the "hood" is all good to him. He thinks he is all that and loves being in the mix. I look at the depth of his friends and am so impressed with the people he has attracted. They are not bad!!

In his circle he has girls, lots of girls. And he does not seem to mind gray hair, age, or other direct conflicts such as they HAVE a boyfriend:-) He will sit and talk, color, dance, shop (and HE CAN SHOP!)or eat. If you say "Wanna go....." you don't even have to say where and he is in the car, with whomever is driving!

I am so blessed by his gang as I actually LOVE them all! I inherit a great multitude of friends as a result of his magnetism. How cool. Usually you have to do all the work, seek out peers, people you can relate to. With him I just show up and "BOOM!" I have friends. My life is rich beyond words because of the many individuals who love our son. Young or old, they seem to tolerate me. I am old but immature so I think there is tolerance by some of the kids (those under .....you know, my age!) and I am really good with old(er) people as I am surrounded by them. Ha. I have so much fun just being with the group, whether we are coloring, playing Wii or watching Frasier. He puts that in just for me:-) I am incredibly glad to be counted among his friends!

So to the friends, some shown here, THANK YOU for befriending this guy and even more, for befriending me! I Love FRIENDS! Now I digress and sing Barneys famous closing song.....come on you know it.......well I am not going to tell you! Time to check it out on you tube! xox

Dream Realized

You never really know what you are missing until it shows up. Profound, right? Well I think dreaming, planning a life, imagining how it is supposed to go starts very young. It may be from shows we watch, the behavior of those around us, the toys we play with. It could be a plan for escape from the life less desirable. As you grow, you learn more about the world around you, what is and is not good. And you begin, a step at a time, to determine who you are and what you would like to become. Those steps seem slow, long, and sometimes difficult. And at times they seem down right  impossible. "It will never happen for me" "I will never get my hearts desire."
I have heard these many times. Oh wait, I think it is because I have said them throughout my life. But one at a time, those dreams or desires are fulfilled. It is frequently NOT in a manner I requested, desired or imagined. It does always seem to work out for the best though. I learn to see or experience things in a way I never could have designed.
3 year old - I want to be a nurse and take care of all the sick people in the world, starting with my duck. Okay, not a person but I didn't have very many willing patients at 3.
7 year old - I want to go to India. Nepal and Goa! Why these two areas, well thank National Geographic for that. The map pull out was awesome!
11 year old - I want 25 children. I thought this way I will always have someone to play with.
15 year old - I want to work in a hospital taking care of sick children. I have no idea why, though I love children and thought perhaps sick ones were easier to corral.
19 year old - I want to get married to a missionary. Likely figured I could get to India faster that way.
WELL, I have enjoyed nursing taking care of those who are sick. I have worked in many challenging areas and have loved it. I did get to go to India, but not northern but the lower half o f the continent. I met the most lovely family and saw a great number of wonderful things. We are still friends today;.
I don't have 25 children. I am thinking that was Divine intervention, though I could have had a television show to help pay for them. Ha! I did have 5 miscarriages and one adorable son, who is the greatest gift ever.
I have worked in pediatrics and with special needs communities for many years up until I had my son, who has special needs. Not what I imagined but without a doubt the best gift. He keeps me busy enough to make me believe I have 25 children some days, but thankfully, NOT! I did not marry a missionary who travels the world, which turns out to be the necessary thing. Too many health issues in the family to travel. So you see God knew.
Now I am finally enjoying some of those children's activities that I did not even realize were sitting in the shelf of my heart. Things like helping my son train and compete in Special Olympics sports. And just this week to perform in a ballet, Cinderella. He was on stage with 100 other children, typical and special needs. COOL! All the weeks of practice, helping with costumes and helping behind the scenes to dress, supervise and mend was a great time. I told my husband I realized I had been waiting all my life to be able to do this. It was a dream fulfilled FOR ME and I am fairly certain Cody too. He had a gas and this was a very NORMAL experience for us doing something in the arts which I LOVE. So cool for so many reasons.
So I would just suggest that if you are feeling unfulfilled, perhaps it is one of these hidden desires that has yet to be fulfilled. While I don't think you need to go back to the womb (no contest; warm, safe, rest) I think there may be that dream that you are holding on to and it is yet to be recognized or addressed. You may simply need some mice, a princess and ballet shoes to realize that special moment.

Jude 24-25

Sunrise

I am frequently overwhelmed by the sight of sunrise. There is something so fresh and pure. Even with clouds it is the start of a new day, a fresh opportunity to live another day. Some days start out great, you have that time with God, some time to get your mojo going. You head into the day prepared, strong, able to tackle any encounter. Good days.
But then there is the rest of the week where you are not ready. You open one eye then the other and have to decide what your next move will be. Joy or grief? You have to decide if you will fight to spend time or pass and take your chances. You enter the day unprepared, and every serpent is headed your way. Unarmed you can not begin to stay out of the nest. By nightfall you are exhausted defeated and grumbling at 60 decibels.?
The next morning, however, the sun will rise and you will have another chance, a fresh start with all of yesterdays mishaps and failures behind you. "HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING!" Oh you may have to retrace your tracks, mend a few fences but once it is done the air seems cleaner, the day brighter. It is true some will not forgive, memories long and hurts registered in their log of offenses. But you have done your part and able to walk on, sun shining. Wonderful!

FALL!

Well here it is nearly October. FALL! I LOVE FALL! The weather is changing. I have my sweaters out and yes I wear them if it is under 75 degrees. I have all these fantastic associations with this time of year. And with Cody I enjoy many new found adventures for this time of life. As a parent to a special boy, while friends and family may share parenting experiences, quite often they happen on an entirely different time table than that of the typical family.
Potty training for instance. We are excited a cousin is mastering the use of the porcelain bowl. AWESOME! I recall we were about 5-6.....years for daytime success. And we were equally thrilled. Possibly slightly more as diapers are hard to find when you pass 35 pounds. Ha. Thank you Jesus we are out of that need.
And then there is socializing. Our wonderful young man has friends, lots of them. They are as happy to play with each other as to hang out with the little people in their world. He loves to sit with, hold and nurture his small companions which to little people can seem alarming as this large strong boy scoops them up for a hug. He would have been a great brother. He is the bestest friend.

I have so enjoyed connecting with those who may be MUCH younger yet are sharing this developmental stage of our life. Parts of me never want him to grow up. He loves me. He takes care of me, gets me my Tums, rubs my neck, helps me get out of my chair. Hmmm perhaps he just thinks I am really old.
And on that point he would be correct. I am 51 this year. I am "beyond golden". But I love it. I don't feel old or look it. I am extremely immature and I love to play games. So in the big picture I am likely quite a bit younger:-)
As I turn 51, and my son is 15, I think how fortunate I am to have someone who will cut out paper turkeys, and decorate with leaves and pumpkins and who loves to put up Christmas decorations long before the turkey is cold. I am so blessed to be in this place in my life where I am in touch with friends and family and enjoying a great adventure in living. I am grateful I am living. The days are so short and I want to enjoy every one....and I want to do it with crayons and hugs!

A Year is a Long Time!

A year ago the Jackson Family lost one of our "boys". We have pictures galore of a fun, crazy, close family and better still memories to take us back to those happy days. Never without a smile or a good joke, which he would gladly sensor for more sensitive audiences. Always aware of those around him he enjoyed being that willing counselor, encourager and friend. And a gift, shared by this group of 'men" is the ability to help you take yourself a bit less seriously. Always about finding the fun in any day, any situation. I am forever grateful for every second I spend with my family, a gift that can be opened again and again. As we pass this anniversary I am opening those pictures and unwrapping all those great memories. Daniel, thanks for the memories!