Time Stands Still

There is nothing that explains why an event that happened 10 years ago feels like yesterday. 

The moment it happens, your mind plays reels of memories and suddenly, time stands still. 

No one ages, no one changes, we notice our own changes less as we are living in yesterday. 

Sounds, smells, songs, jokes, people, places they will all take you to that last moment. 

It seems surreal.

At the last moment you are together, that is where the memories begin fade, filtering out the darkness. 

You lose site of the bad days, sadness, anger, pain or harsh words and you focus on the joy. 

All of your life you struggle to forget the negative and in death you only remember the beauty. 

The thing is, even though they haven't lived a long life, they have definitely lived!  

That life is our gift. 

That life will be with you always. No matter how old you get they remain in your presence.  

You will reach for a phone to call them almost every day, or be reminded of a good story.  

You will miss them at the table, but you will be reminded of the smile, laughs or tears shared there.  

You will cheer on their teams, exchange tales with their friends and you will live on.  

And you will be ok.

jlg9.11.20

Anise

Unintended Confession

It is only after the quick look from the eyes across the room focus on you that you realize the secret thought you were enjoying has just left your mouth. You've said it out loud. Oh Dear!

Once the words have drifted across the berber you wonder if there is any way to buffer the impact. But that would be much like trying to take back the pockmarks from the beefsteak you just pounded out for dinner.

You realize you own the damage from the personal retort you just spewed at the innocent bystander. You may also consider that the entire gathering knows your darkest thoughts. Now what?

There are many things you could choose to do. The bravest may be immediately and publicly apologize, acknowledging that you are likely not as nice as they all believe and that indeed you could have said anything or nothing far better had you a brain.

It is anticipated that you will need to grovel, rightfully so, to the intended target as well as anyone who may have been spattered by association. How well and sincerely you own the verbal assault will determine how long it will float in the atmosphere.

Act immediately, be humble, own every toxic word and say you're sorry. The words, say them, a couple times. If you are not sure how to say them (there are such people), take a class, practice, read a book. Keep them in your vocabulary, easily accessible. You will find life is better when used often. Remember, it's not about you. Really!

jlg5/20/19(c)

It's Coming!

Don't you want to know what's coming? Me too! I know I am writing this so you would expect me to know what's coming, right? But I don't. I know there are several, or 100's of things coming that might bring great anticipation and 'it' is different for everyone. What I DO know is that I am excited it's coming and I can't wait some days. So here are a few things that are on my list of coming events, just don't know the details.

Christmas, but that was easy. I love Christmas not at all for what I get but for what comes with it. Christ's birthday, the best gift ever and really the only one we need! Because of that gift we get to share joy, love, food, hugs, gifts, songs, clothes, a warm home, a listening ear, a tear, a laugh and so much more. And when we open up to that giving spirit we GET so much more and it is never what we expect. It's always a surprise.

The New Year, God willing. And it tends to bring lots of surprises like lists of unmet resolutions, babies, weddings, change, deaths, illness, friendships, bad haircuts, new teeth, you know. The list is just endless. Every day an adventure! Yes I really do talk like this. Ask my employees. In good or bad, for better or worse, in all things there is mystery, uncertainty and growth. With each event, small or catastrophic we are given the opportunity to learn something, gain wisdom and share forward the lessons learned. I never know what that will be and I can confidently say it is rarely what I expect. It's coming.

Peace! That is always the most important thing. It comes to calm the slightest whisper of anxiety and it fills me up as I reflect on a life well lived. Waking up, unafraid , reminded of the gift of another day. Walking along the sidewalk knowing I am not alone when I fall, and I have, twice! Waiting for news and making decisions, trusting I have the best Counselor. Closing my eyes knowing that whether they open again or not, I am either here or HOME! It will come at the most desperate times and the most content. It is the calm that speaks softly, is full of truth not fear. It is the smile that sneaks up on my face or the sigh that comes from feeling gratitude. Awesome!

So basically, we will know it when we see it. It's coming! Be sure you are ready to embrace it and live with purpose. When you do you will always find each day a surprise, an adventure waiting for you!

#Blessed

Sharing this very thought provoking piece.
#Blessed

Beauty from Ashes

I constantly see individuals blame something or someone for their current behavior or beliefs. While I believe that our life experience impacts the "final" product, I don't believe we are powerless to choose the way we respond. I find the story of James Robison a beautiful testimony of hope and perhaps challenge for those still 'stuck' in the past. Enjoy  James Robison on his 55 Year Journey

James Robison Part 1

James Robison Journey Part II

2014 Special Olympics - FOX 10 News

Arizona athletes to compete in 2014 Special Olympics - FOX 10 News | myfoxphoenix.com

Cody and his fantastic Unified Team are captured in this interview. Thank you to Tim Martin and Special Olympics for all of the support and opportunity for our kids.

2014 RSK Unified Cheer Competition

2014 RSK Unified Cheer

Merry Christmas?

I can not believe it is here! Don't have an app for the time warp that occurs between my sons birthday and the day after Christmas. It is a span of like 40 seconds. And as I stood in the line for the third time at the post office I discovered this time space continuum is global. We are all looking around dazed, unclear about what happened between the time we bought the gift on clearance last year and when we discovered it under some old blankets in the trunk two weeks ago. I encouraged one distraught grandmother who was feeling horrible about the late posting of the boxes. I reminded her that it is not like she forgot the children, she actually planned for this gift months ago. She just was unable to recall the actual 'plan' for the gift until the postman delivered her first Christmas cards. "Crap" she exclaimed and there it is, the sound heard round the world. It marks the emanate arrival of Joy, Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Men.

And so it is with a grateful heart and abundant memories that I choose to let the seasonal anxiety disorder roll off my back and I put on the cloak of glad tidings. I will smile 'because I like to' as I so boldly posted on my Facebook (thank you to my twin Judy). I will sing along to Christmas music at the grocer. I will refrain from negative body language when standing in line at the department store as women or couples decide if they really want all of the things they have stuffed in both carts. I will not make agitated noises such as heavy unnatural sighs should they have the clerk go look for a different color 'just to compare'. I will remember that it is a great gift that was given all those years ago that made it possible for me to find hope in the challenges of the day. Yes even in the life threatening situations in line at the food court, I will keep my focus. I will cling to th cross and trust He will not allow me to weld it in anger but lean on it with patience.

Merry Christmas all. Find peace in His presence. Find joy in His wisdom. Find hope in his promise.

What's the Point........

I sit here watching a movie, a docudrama, about poverty, adversity, prejudice, class wars, family struggles, perseverance, dreams, success and I think "What's the point to my life?" It was clear that in this mans life he did not let the stigma of his heritage, economic status, class, social rank, public opinion or family strife stop him from his dream. It almost did, but he realized that it was 'now or never'. The opportunity had presented and if he let it pass it may never come again. He risked it all. He endured mocking, insults and rejection to take the step and he won! He achieved not only his short term goal but that step led to a lifetime of success as well as a true friend. I like this story. Francis Ouimet was not meant to be anybody. He was a poor immigrant stuck in the lower social class, not a gentleman but a laborer. He was born to it, nothing could change it. Even in his success he was not allowed to be paid for it, he was a commoner, not permitted to receive rewards for his accomplishments. It did not stop him.

So here I am at my 'mid-life' point and I am thinking about my life, what's the point? What am I driven to accomplish? What is it I am to be focused on? By societies standard I am doing ok, I am middle class which means I can go anywhere that my VISA limit will cover. I am educated, can spell most words without spellcheck and have the ability to have robust dialogue when opportunities arise.....which means I can give it as good as I get. I even have a wonderful husband and son. I endure personal challenges and pain, health that is increasingly fragile despite my constant denial, I mean exercise. So, purpose anyone? What is my drive, dream, calling? What is to be accomplished with lifes trials and challenges?

Well, I know that in struggles we become dependent. When we run out of our resources we lean on others. When we have goals or dreams we seek out knowledge, support and resources. So in other words helpless, or so it may seem. But in it all being helpless is just another way of admitting that we can not do it all alone. We do not have it all together. That we are needy, broken, messed up and perhaps lost people who need a little nudge or helping hand. Francis Ouimet relied on a little guy named Eddie who became a lifelong best friend. Both in stature and age he seemed like the wrong choice, but in life he was the one that 'had his back', made sure he was a success.

So for today I will ponder what it is that is 'next'. What is it I am going to be driven to pursue, support, develop or participate in? Better yet, what will I be able to do whole heartedly without abandon? What will be the right fit for my life and will make the best use of my gifts or abilities? Hmmmmm I am certain this will be an interesting opportunity. In the meantime I will drink coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

Unexpected Segway

I love the thought that all roads lead to fun and adventure. I am a human though, so unlike my favorite canines, I am acutely aware that not all roads are fun despite the 'adventure' I embark on. What does make life 'worth it all' is the work we get to do along the way and the people who stand beside us.



FACT: work is a four letter word, often associated with harsh labor, inferior pay, lack of kudos.

QUESTION: Is that really what work is? Is all work bad? The words we use for 'work' may not be fully defined in our tiny view. Lets review.....

Hiking over a mile uphill with 50 pounds of winter camping gear so that you can be the first girl scout to camp in the snow.

Cooking and washing dishes to earn money.....for a first car.

Marching 6 days in a row for months to prepare for an international band trip to Europe.

Studying with crazy people and pots (fields) of coffee over the course of years all kinds of hours to become a nurse.

Flying more than 24 hours each way to teach hygiene and participate in crusades in India.

Fighting a sailfish and marlin for hours to reel them in.

Wooing a great man for weeks with spaghetti, chocolate and feminine whiles.

Planning a wedding including the travel plans, reservations and house sitter.

Waiting and waiting for a boy to be born who had to be delivered...I think against his will.

Rocking all night for days on end for years on end holding someone who depended on me.

Searching for the right doctors, the right schools, the right therapists, the right friends for a special son.

Watching life pass by at light speed with my son growing up and needing me less.

Waiting for the next phase.

Hoping for a clear vision and excellent hearing as I search the heavens.

Trusting that even when I am no longer here someone will continue the work.

Resting in hands so much stronger than mine.

I am thinking not all work is bad, or for not. I am also thinking I might actually like a lot of the things that might sound bad to the casual reader. I will probably choose to continue some of them, as a matter of fact. So I guess I need to say, "More later folks, I have work to do!"

Just when I think I know more...............

I realize that either......

1. The information has changed
2. The situation has changed
3. I am no longer interested in the situation
4. I don't remember the situation or that I ever had an interest in one or.......



Perhaps I should have left a trail of bread crumbs down this path. I am reflecting on the past few (24) months of work. In a huge, enormous, gargantuan organization every change is met with one of two basic responses. Both come with a need to defend their position and it is here I often find my eyes glazing over. I already know who is in and who is not. I also already know how each one navigates life at work. I am often not surprised. That's okay, as I continue to move forward in any case. I am vested in the goals I have been given. I will move my team with or without tantrums and tissue.

Every once in awhile I allow myself to pretend my life has calmed down, fallen into place or that I have moved on only to discover that I am really standing on a pink colored square with a gum drop in the middle all in the real life game of Candy Land! Then I realize I have to draw a card to see how many squares I am moving next? Not only was that an incredibly long sentence it is the reality of what happens when we take for granted that we are not in control of the calendar of life. I expect at anytime I will complete the rainbow colored journey down this candy laden sidewalk and jump onto the next board game. I HOPE it is not Chutes and Ladders as I am proficient at slides!!

I like it, build and design. I think it is what keeps me on my toes though. Like a soldier or girl scout, I have to be prepared for what is next, learn what the new rules will be and let go of the old rules. I have to be prepared for the next project, the next crisis, the next set of tires for the car. And there it is, the conundrum I face daily as I try to mentor or direct others in the Game of Change. Hmmmm that could be a great game. They are not all soldiers or girl scouts!! History can be our best or worst friend when it comes to change. We learn from it or get stuck in it. Some people wear it like a yolk and it becomes a heavy burden for them, preventing them from making any advances unless they are hooked up to a full team of oxen and dragged across the time space continuum. They are never letting go, ever, no! Others see it as an adventure, energized by something new and bored if it doesn't happen often or fast enough. They can go with the flow, Se la vie. They want to go, go, go. Getting them to wait for the others is like an aerobic strength training program.

But those same qualities, as diverse as they are, can present quite different strengths/weaknesses in other situations. Relationships for example. You want the tenacious, committed, made a promise, keeping a promise kind of spouse. It would take a team of oxen to get them to say the word 'leave' or to give up. While that adventurous and bored critter, you know A.D.D. dude will have an impossible time finding peace in a committed relationship. They will always be looking for the greener grass, someone to satisfy their needs, someone to make them feel something new or different, as opposed to them doing for others. These are true whether it is a romantic or platonic relationships. These characteristics tend to be true in the relationships no matter where they exist.

So how do you balance the good and the bad side of mankind? Thank GOD there is a great instruction manual. It has great examples of the ideal person; aggressive, tenacious, committed, steadfast in any situation. They were in debt, distress, unhappy with current situations BUT they were willing and able to take giant steps, make quick changes for any situation while remaining faithful, to the death! Their promise was their bond. Their flexibility let them face any situation, whether that meant prison, a lion or 600 soldiers. They didn't even complain, they looked it in the face (or tail in the case of the lion) and said 'charge'! The end. No whining, no backing out, no gossip or looking for another card deeper in the game deck. No waiting for everyone to take care of them, fix their food, decorate their village. They could handle going backwards a couple steps or forward a dozen. That is the ideal mindset for the ideal employee, friend, mate.

Needless to say, I have to play a few board games to get them to grow. Trust is key to get to the next step. Once they trust a leader or spouse then they can move forward even without all the details, without all the facts, without all the gain reports. They can just move and take the next step.....as it comes. And eventually they can learn to see the steps as opportunity rather than opposition, the command as fortune rather than oppression. That is what the brave examples demonstrated. They did not have all the facts, they did not have the reward info, they did not have all the preferred tools in their favorite colors, they did not even know for sure the what or why. BUT they did it, and were rewarded, and they made a positive difference for their community. It was not about I but about all! My plan for next week:

1. Lose list of complaints
2. Glance on each of them as if for the first time
3. Smile as I anticipate growth Sigh with contentment even for the slightest
change
4. Do it again every day

're' Change

Some people really like change. Some people find it refreshing, renewing, rejuvinating, regenerating, recharging. They find it 're' something positive. I find I become resigned, resistant, reclusive and eventually retreat. My 're' is often NEGATIVE. You might not know this about me right away. This extroverted, perky, immature and spontaneous girl does not like change.

Growing up we moved frequently as a result of our wonderful life in the military. I saw the land, and the land was good. BUT, I never could count on what I learned today, that it would be right tomorrow. In The Karate Kid, Daniel moved to a distant land and suddenly went from being the cool kid to the outsider. Inability to communicate aside, he was different and did not know what was expected, how to speak, how to act, how to relate. Another 're' word, relate. Hmmmm

I enjoyed my gypsy life, but as I have grown older, had life happen, I have found that waking up in the same place everyday has advantages. Some of the things I have become very sensitive and attached to include:

Predictability - Knowing certain things happen a certain way, at a certain time, in a certain way. Knowing the Circle K girls will know my name, will hug my son, will order our Cracker Barrel Sharp Cheddar Cheese.

Stability - Knowing each of our neighbors and friends long enough and well enough to know who we would let watch our son, and who prepares their food in a way that does not draw a citation from the state department.

Reliability - Knowing at a drop of a hat I have a friend who day or night has tested true, been there for the long haul and will care for me or my family without expecting anything or taking anything. There when they promise, first time, every time.

Continuity - Knowing that Cody will get or have what he needs as long as he needs it, translating those support measures from one age to the next. Knowing that he can dance no matter what.

Comfort - Knowing that we will be given hugs, baked goods, errands, prayers and any number of services in our moment of need. Knowing what we need is what matters right now. Knowing that we are supported as life happens. Even better being able to pay it back or pay it forward.

Depth - Knowing that not only will I have the opportunity to see the real needs of neighbors, family and friends, but they will have the same opportunity. What matters most rather than what matters in the moment.

Safety - Every noise, every light, every space brings the ability to feel safe. Living in an area where the saying "I got your back' means something very personal. And they mean it.

So why so retrospective you wonder. It could be a 'cycle thing', which causes me to have hostile thoughts every time I hear it. Could it be the gravitational pull of the moon. Maybe, but having worked in a mental health unit I can tell you A. that is factual and B. you would be implying I am not just in denial but in need of medication. Kindly consider where you want to go with that.

No, it is change. Change of the worst and best kind. Change that makes my heart hurt yet is attached to promise. Our beloved Miss Caroline, dance teacher, best friend and overall  'constant' in support, hope, presence, promise and inspiration is moving away. She is leaving Arizona and venturing to California. We will be lost for a long time.

For Caroline and the special needs community in California, there is only promise. And for that I am grateful that she has an opportunity to create what we had hoped for here. It takes vision, creativity, thinking outside the box. She is gifted at them all. She looks at our kids and sees dancing. She walks around wheelchairs and braces and blindness to show them how to twirl. Nothing too hard, nothing too impossible. So very few really see what a typical child is able to accomplish let alone what those with challenges can do, WILL do.

Oh sure, we have made some wonderful friends that we will have forever most likely. I am grateful for them as we understand each other, we are in the same dance slippers so to speak. But few have reached so passionately to take hold of our children's hands and draw them into the typical world. Most glance and walk by, or even away. Not Miss Caroline, she has seen the inner dancer in us all. And she has allowed us to see hers. You indeed are a true friend.

Thank you Miss Caroline! We love you always! He is looking for you already. xoxo

Fathers'

Whether you know yours or not, you have one. I have many friends who do not have good memories or relationships with theirs. They are estranged. When they talk of their father it is often with an abrupt statement or closed body language. There is evidently hurt for that loss; loss of time, loss of history, loss of guidance, loss of approval, loss of love. It is indeed a death. A part of them is lost and they can not find the 'filler' to complete or fill that empty space.

Then I have some who are still close to their fathers or at least have a relationship. They can tell stories, they can complain, brag, cry, laugh or roll their eyes as they recall a moment or event. Indeed, whether it is positive or negative, it 'is' and they are connected.

I have watched fathers. It is actually a great past time for me. There is something about a father who is present. You know what I mean. They see their child, they know what makes them tick, they understand them. And that electricity is captured in the response of that child. It is magnetic. They cling to them, their words, their actions, their spirit. They want to be with them, to be like them. That is the prize for every father I think, that their children strive to follow in their footsteps.

And as fathers, the opportunity is fleeting, a once in a lifetime experience, literally! The moment is here today, gone tomorrow. Like that famous song, you know, cats in cradles eating from silvers spoons or some such. Before we know it the kid is grown up, gone and a father, while their dad is still listening to old Roger Miller records and burning the midnight oil. Every moment counts, and every moment is gone in a flash, never to be captured again. All the more reason to be certain that you are walking a straight path, one that is safe, righteous, true. You do not want to lead your children down a road that causes them to fall or stumble, but to be successful. Those that make the most of those moments will provide a lifetime of treasure to their child, a toolkit to survive in any situation.

So, on this father's day I pay a tribute to the 'fathers' in my world. I have seen some awesome examples of those who wear the title of 'Father'. Some are VERY seasoned, and I do mean old as well as experienced. Some are just now setting out on the journey. In either case, they 'are' fathers' who are making a difference in their world.

A Father's love is handed down from one generation to the next.

 It may be in a gentle spirit, a quiet smile, patience....in giving the gift of time.

A father's love is evident in action, words, and presence.

It is stopping the madness to sing, dance or hang out, doing whatever it is that needs to be done.

A father's love is shown in the pride he takes in his children, the joy in their accomplishments.

A closet full of memories and boxes full of photos ready to be shared at a moments notice.

A father's love is evident in the celebration of new life and excitement for the milestones met.

It is in the joy of a new family, reading everything he can and gaining hope for the years to come.

A father's love speaks loud and clear in the quiet thrill of seeing a picture of your unborn son

and waiting anxiously for his arrival.

It is transparent in the tweets and posts that show the anticipation for the days ahead.

A father's love is obvious in the freedom to just 'be' whatever it is that his son needs him to be.

It is playing with silly string or wearing a handmade mustache. It is playing, uninhibited!

 

These are traits of some remarkable fathers. I am so proud of the commitment to their families.

But the Gold Standard in my life remains my father. Truly, in all my years I do not have a single bad memory or misstep. He never missed a beat. He smiled, laughed, joked, played, dreamt, DID just about everything we could possibly throw his way. He loved it! Whether rescuing your finger from a man eating lizard to teaching you to build and fly radio control airplanes to sitting in an arena full of screaming teens waiting to see The Osmond's, he did it all. AND he enjoyed it. He genuinely wanted to be there....if he didn't we will never know! He even told stories about it years after, adding a detail or two, but reliving it with us over and over. It mattered. We mattered!

And for that I am eternally grateful.  

 

We indeed had the BEST FATHER and it is with confidence I am certain he is celebrating the most remarkable Fathers day of all. Thank you dad for always being there. For loving us unconditionally. For making every day an adventure. For making us feel special, loved, wonderful! Thank you dad!

 I love you always.