First Steps

I do not remember my first steps. I hear that I wanted to do it all myself, all the time. Not much has changed there. Everyone who knows me describes me with friendly words like independent, creative, confident, strong, when they are really thinking stubborn, headstrong, and pushy. You didn't think I knew what you meant, right? Ha, it's okay, I may have had those same thoughts about some of you:-)

But as I have been reflecting over my current situation, I realize that I could not be meeting all of the needs and expectations if I wasn't all of those things above. And it is all good. But I have found that when I struggle the most it is when I do not allow others in, or accept help. Then I saw this old picture. Suddenly I saw a large cast in what appears to be an event isolated and independent of the planet. "Ah Ha" I said. And yes I do really say that!

How many people or how many years did it take for two or three men to get to skip on the moon? 1000's! Those required to sell the idea, acquire funding, manage funding, design the suits and the shuttle, build and arm the ship, electronics and life support systems, teachers, counselors, trial run and trainers. Crazy. So then how on earth can I expect to provide car to so many people if I do not let others in, share my needs and accept their gifts? I can not.

I will drop dead as I have threatened to do for years! But it will not be because I am at the ripe old age and place in life to do that, but because I pushed too hard and too long without the support and love of others. Thank GOD for others! A prime opportunity presented just this morning. I have met a friend for breakfast at 7 a.m. every Saturday for years. And she listens intently to my plans and tasks, then calmly says so "What can I do to help?" "What day will you like me to take off?" "You are doing too much and you need my help. I want to help!"

Wow, what a great friend. And how humbling to know that others see me so much more clearly than I see myself. Good thing too. I was told just the other day that I was not aloud to leave for any reason, and that included death! I hope that I can remain willing and open to accepting help. And I hope that those who offer it know how truly grateful I am, even though I might be a bit pushy, stubborn and headstrong:-)

Are you Listening?

It has been an interesting time with the progression of my fathers dementia. He is a different man in many good ways, so we will focus on those for now. Growing up my father served in the military as a pilot. The only thing he ever wanted to do was fly. He worked at a theater making a dime a night and did odd jobs including giving people rides, carrying pregnant women up stairs at the the little two story "hospital" and much more all for the end goal of making a nickle and taking a flying lesson.

And fly he did, everywhere, in anything with engines and wings. He has a million stories to tell about his youth, his service and the two flying careers that followed. And over our lifetime we have heard them soooooo many times already. But now they are taking on new meaning. And I would go so far as to say that we have learned a bit about the value of a good tale. We may have passed on some story fests or only given half of our attention when we were younger, but now we are hanging on every word. History, purpose, humor, dad!

And what has surprised me is that as his details get a little mixed up I actually know some of the "original" facts. I must have listened a bit more than I was aware. In addition I am seeing that my father, who used to only socialize as a result of work requirements, is enjoying his new found audience. These unsuspecting beings are like chocolate to dad. He LOVES someone to come make his bed or help him get dressed as there is always a tale or two he can share. And don't get him started on his picture books. Those are awesome. He shows them to me like they are new every visit and that is just fine. I'm taking notes.

The best part? He is happy, and he has a million stories to tell and lots of new folks to tell them to. He waves at people walking by. He lights up with the least bit of attention. And when we go to visit, he pulls out the picture book to show us his new book, and I am all ears.