The End or the Beginning?

This is always a deep, reflective time for me. You know it well if you have been in a family. It can be a shout for joy or a moment of deep sadness. It is the end of the year........the school year. It may sound a bit melodramatic, but it is an actual phenomena I think every parent, or at least mother, experiences. The absolute joy and excitement of seeing your child grow up happy and successful. All this positive emotion while simultaneously experiencing the sorrow or grieving of the end of that time when you could hold them in your hand, constantly able to control  their steps and protect them. When I look at the bearded face of my 5'7" son I see the bouncy little boy who jumps on the bed singing to Barney or the Wiggles or Veggietales. Time has flown by as it seems that.......

Just yesterday he was in a little car seat that I could sling over my arm and take anywhere.

Just yesterday he was learning to sit up and read his Dr. Seuss books.

Just yesterday he was sporting his first pair of glasses.

Just yesterday he was starting kindergarten with a backpack just half his size.

Just yesterday he was getting to know his new friends.

Just yesterday he completed his first special olympics.

Just yesterday he recorded It's Okay To Be Different which has been viewed around the globe.

Just yesterday he announced he had a girlfriend.

Just yesterday he told me I am the best mom ever.

Just yesterday he told me only 4 days of 10th grade left.

Just yesterday I brought him home and never wanted to put him down.

Just yesterday..................

Mother's Day

What is it about this day that brings a flood of emotion? For me it is inspiration. Oh sure, I am a mother. I do not always feel like a great mother however. I see all of my faults, those others see and those that happen when no grown ups are around. You know what I am talking about. As one of my friends wrote, she was not earning any mommy points with the children. Yeah, well, when they are 30 or 40 something and staring into the eyes of those defiant yet extremely lovable children of their own, the light bulb will illuminate and they will quickly run to the phone and call you. They will "understand!" Sigh, that will be a beautiful day.

In the meantime, you know very little, if anything at all. You are NOT doing "it" right and you really should read a book or do it like so and so. :-) I love friendly advise whether from your grandmother or your grandson. Someone will tell you the best way to get it done! "When I was raising three children, I had no electricity and children never spoke unless spoken too and there were oranges for Christmas"...or ...."Johnny's mom lets him have an iPad and he doesn't even have to do chores!" Yikes!!

In a perfect world, that would be heaven, children will always obey, unconditionally love those around them, and would find joy in even the simplest opportunity. In this world, we will have the great responsibility to demonstrate the qualities we aspire to ourselves; honesty, integrity, service, compassion, passion and unconditional love. We will find joy in every tiny reflection of these things in our kids and hope that as they grow not only will they be hardwired traits but that they will actually pass them on to those they touch.

 

You will quickly recognize these moments. They will come from observation. And even better, they will be reported in conversation. You will not only SEE them becoming wonderful adults who can influence the world, but you will HEAR about it from those who experience it in our absence. It is then that we can know that we are doing "it" right. No matter how hard it seems, we are making the right choices, we are making an impact, we are "making" wonderful grown up human beings.

So for today, world wide, cards,letters, emails and yes even phone calls are flying around the globe to say "Thank You" for being a great mom. You have accomplished much, you have paid a great price and you are being reminded today that it was worth it all!

Happy Mothers Day!!!

It is 3 a.m.........why?

So when you are up in the middle of the night with nothing but silence and the dark to surround you, the hum of electricity and cyberspace calls you. Your mind is moving at lightening speed and you are fairly certain that you can end hunger and solve global warming while bringing world peace. OK, I know that sounds extreme but if everyone would just listen to me it would be a done deal.

But no, so it is you who will be stuck reading my babbling blog today. It has been the most interesting year so far. I know that bits and pieces sneak out from time to time but a few highlights are entertaining me lately.

My dad. He has fallen many times the last time fracturing his hip. We did not know it as he had no evidence of pain. We found it while they were checking to see the state of his prostate cancer. He has had physical therapy, though he is still waiting for them to come:-) And he asked me yesterday how he was doing and if he had recovered fully from his stroke. I smiled at him knowing that he doesn't remember details and that he will not remember my answer long, but for the moment he would be engaged waiting to hear. I told him the really good news is he has not had another stroke so I think that means he is doing much better but that he has some memory problems so there was still some work to be done. He was very satisfied with that answer and was wondering if they would be doing any therapy. I reviewed all of the activities he does and then he remembered they were doing therapy. And of course as I got ready to go he asked me if he had recovered fully from his stroke completely.......Oh Papa Bear!


My mom. The transition was difficult to assisted living, losing her driving privileges at the same time, realizing she has some memory and processing problems, and the kicker being that she was not able to take care of herself anymore. It was turbulent, that is a nice word. But mid January she turned a corner and over the last few weeks has been enrolled in a small group at the assisted living that does a variety of activities together to help hold on to that which so quickly seems to be slipping........ I was going to say "her mind", then laugh. Knowing you can't hear my giggle I will submit to the kinder term, "her memory". Either way, she is enjoying her new "lifestyle rhythm" and is making friends. She has renewed her love of BINGO and has won a few prizes. One being a leather fanny pack which she was not sure what to do with. So I said well it wit seemed obvious that she should give it to me...and she did! That has come in so handy!! Still things are changing such has the inability to read a calendar, add and tell time. Through it all it has been a great peace of mind to know that they both have 24 hour observation and help.

My husband. Finally have a diagnosis of 20+ year problem. Check. Gallbladder out. Check. Digestive track repair. Pending. Big Big Decision. He has some good days and some less than good days. He does not complain. He is quiet. For his distraction and mental well being he remains very driven and focused at work building a mammoth train to encircle the children's ministry at our church.......from scratch........that must hang from the rafters........did I say from scratch?! It will be perfect, because that is what he does. Perfect. Give him a job and it will be done right. No detail missed. Can not wait to see it. Unlike Gurney Mills outside of Chicago that will not let you photograph their suspended track, made me put my camera away....boooo....hisss....I am going to take a zillion pictures and post them here so get ready! And for exercise he golfs. The fresh air and quiet is excellent for him. He has declared "It is all good".

My son. 2 weeks left of his sophomore year! That is not right. Well at least for me. I miss my baby boy. He has turned into quite the man though. And he has friends, lots of friends. We have had the pleasure and privilege to be at some activities where we have sat back and watched him interact. He went to the Best Buddy ice cream social. When he arrives there is a loud "Cody" rather reminiscent of "Norm" from Cheers. He goes around to every single person, calls them by name, does some sort of hug or male ritual greeting before he sits. Amazing. He cheered and clapped for every athlete he watched at the State Track Meet, which was an accomplishment in itself. I was feeling rather violent by the time we made our way OUT of a poorly organized event. HE thought is was the best ever, but then all the kids did. Just the grown ups having tantrums and issues. Ha. There is a lesson for me to ponder. Every where we go he is known, he is liked, and I am honored, he is mine! We often just sit back and smile as we consider this wonderful human being. What a gift.

My sister. Bum Knee. When you are a 106 you have to take care of the joints. .....okay she is not that old but her knee has not been given that message. She is supposed to come for a visit but think it will not happen.....for now. She has to get that resolved in order to enjoy her time here. And it is important that she can do that as I am on the first plane to China when she gets to town. No Not Really, but it sounds good doesn't it. Ha. I look forward to her visits as we are close and she has been a wonderful support to me. Her solace can be found in new CARPET and FLOORING in her home. I told her for every one box back in and take one truck load to the dump. DOWNSIZE. Not sure how that is going, no pictures or photographic evidence. She may actually take after MOM! Had to say it.

My brother. Count down to 60! Okay it is a year away, well minus 9 days. Not that I am keeping track. He has his youngest son home for a bit who has just endured shoulder surgery. My brother has been a paramedic volunteer, a soldier and a teacher so I am pretty sure he can keep the baby boy in line. His school year is nearing an end and he is headed to my sisters to visit and paint. While he is there he could just take a few truck loads to the dump:-) After spending the summer of 07 packing my parents I think this would be the easy thing to do. We will see. Great brother, great support, great friend.

In-laws. Heading north. TAKE ME WITH YOU! I am excited they will be able to get out of the heat and near a pond. Fishing is a great past time, or full time job. I know that is what Rich misses most, his boat and the lake. One Day! They have had great adventures this year and I am guessing will be breaking out the golf clubs for some R and R. Looking forward to hearing about it and maybe a few pictures will make it to my computer. That would be nice.

NY Clan. Well I have to say that a vacation from blog is like turning the ringer off on the phone. I would not do well I think. "What if" would circle through my brain like a spider going down the drain. I don't know if I could take it. How would I survive wire...lesssssss. Don't know! The good news is from the FB, Text, Email and Phone Calls it sounds like they are ALL doing well. I am waiting for their next visit. And remember, it's not nice to live in western Siberia. I am just saying...............

Nieces, Nephews, Cousins, Friends, .....You! Always love hearing about the adventures, trials and triumphs that happen each day. One boy in active service right now. You always get a shout out. And one boy in guard. Also huge having been deployed in the past. And one girl on a War Ready mission as we speak. I am inspired by you all. And the rest of you doing amazing things every day. You always inspire me not to give up, not to grow old and that while they look good on you young'uns, not to wear mini skirts! I loved the 70's. I am glad they are back...style wise. Platform shoes, bell bottoms and tie dye. I am in garment heaven. But the mini skirts, I am leaving that to you kids! Stay in school, keep working, don't speed and whatever you do, don't forget me:-)

 

       -130.5 / 44 weeks

ME. Love my job. Great boss, seriously. Makes it so much nicer to get to work and know that they have your back. Support. My staff, great. I do not have one that I would trade........put in time out maybe, but they are keepers. That does NOT happen often. The whole wife and mother thing, Wonderful. I have great joy in taking care of my boys. It is nights like this that are going to kick me in the well you know, but a little nap tomorrow and 7 or 8 pots of coffee and I will be good for another couple of days. And you, dear cyberspace friends and family, if I could have you all over for some of that coffee I would in a minute. Hope it is the best day ever. And remember, live every moment as if it is the one that counts!


Good Night All!

HONK

This could be a pleasant, annoying or angry sound depending on where you hear it and who is doing it, right? I totally know this as I have been both the Honker and the Honkee.....hmmm, well you get the idea. Who better to make a loud noise than a less than attractive member of the community. And of course if you can't live up to the expectations of those around you, the best thing to do might be to just disappear. Or maybe not. Often those impulsive or angry decisions are the absolute wrong thing to do. I would even move to say that 100% of the time those are the worst decisions.

So for a very ugly quacker, following a mortal enemy kitty cat seems a better solution then living where no one sees or at least talks about your good points.  So we have all done this at some point, talked ourselves into a "relationship" that is at best a disaster. Eventually realizing he is lost, afraid, lonely, missing even the mean eggs that made fun of him, he found that returning home was starting to sound really good. Then that is when it happened, a morph of such magnitude that even he could not recognize himself.  

Ugly became de-uglified. He became something no one expected. He was not the biggest, ugliest, loudest, oddest duck in the pond. He was a SWAN, royalty with feathers unveiled, smooth, striking, totally cool. Then the others had to admit they were wrong, apologize for their horrible remarks and error in judgement. They had realized that nothing was as it seems, but may have an entirely different reality than the one they see. They had said "ugly" but found "beauty". HONK!!

It is a great play with music, dance and many of Cody's dance friends on stage. We had fun watching with even more dance friends in the audience. GREAT TIME!! We love our friends who, no matter what the appearance, they have this incredible beauty, a heart of gold! And wings........they all have wings to fly. HONK!

What A Week It Has Been

I love the ability to run in circles without hitting the wall. Hmmm, wait, I have hit the wall before. BUT if I recall that was my sisters fault, she was chasing me after all.....or my parents fault for buying a house where you could run in a circle. I will have to ponder that in another post:-)

Now that I am old, I can usually avoid the walls, but the pillow, man, I can not seem to miss that. Hits my head every night! Oh well, if I have to endure it I will. In any event, I am able to rise every day, God willing, and enjoy the constant motion of work and home. I am never bored, which is good, as that would be devastating to my waistline. So here is a glimpse of life in the hood.

 Greatest Birthday Party! We joined some of Cody's dearest friends at the park to celebrate Kaleb's birthday. Great weather, excellent food and a lot of fun watching these teens enjoy each others company.

It would be safe to say that the grown ups had as much fun watching as they did playing that is for sure. 

Then there was a fun excursion to see our cousins in Tucson. They have moved into a lovely first home. Such a nice neighborhood and the views in Tucson, wow! In Peoria we see mountains as they surround the smog which blurs the view of the daily commute, UNLESS we have a great storm to clear the mud from the sky. Anyway, great fun catching up. The kids had fun and of course I took ooodles of pictures:-) And Evangeline took some too. She takes after cousin Cody I think.

I have been so grateful to get to spend time with our Tucson cousins and get to know their family. Cody really loves having "cousins" to talk about. He was even more excited to have a real story to tell at school Friday. He usually has to make something up to tell his teachers about his weekend as apparently we are BORING and don't do any fun things like parties, fllying to the beach, going to the movies and so on. Of course, if you are one of his teachers you are convinced we have 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys. He has names, ages and where they go to school. And he has it hardwired. Who knew!!

My dear dad turned 84. We have so many real stories to tell, and we learned the gift of telling "the rest of the story" from the master himself, DAD! That always came with a finger pointing up and a grin with the eyebrow lifted. He doesn't really remember that now, but I think now we are telling "the rest of his story!" He is happy and loves goodies. He received LOTS of goodies for his birthday. Cookies, candy, pretzels, and so much more. I had to remind him not to eat it all at once.......or I would have to put elastic in the waistband of all his trousers. He won't remember, but it is okay. I have lots of elastic:-)

Track practice. We are preparing for the State Special Olympics track meet. It is in May and I will share dates as soon as I get his for sure. We were excited to see our favorite coach there. He has been ill and the kids (term used loosely as they are 8-50's) were so excited to see him. Wonderful with the kids, a genuine heart for helping them succeed. 

So there you have it. A few pictures to enjoy and now you know what I know or at least think I know:-) And if you know what I know then you know that it is not that much! As you can see I am a bit TIRED or punchy despite the pillow time last night. Just need more, or more coffee or more.........time:-)

Have a beautiful day and hug someone you love just because.

Judy24-25

 



Wednesday ..... I have some thoughts

So I have been enjoying the new job. A great time of adjustment, learning a new role, identifying the players, learning the rules, getting into a new routine, changing the wardrobe, driving endlessly, writing, reading and arithmetic! All true you see, you have to be able to read, create, speak, budget, present, schedule, plan, yada yada yada!

What have I learned is the next thing......I know you were going to ask because that's what you do. You are curious or nosey or bored or living vicariously through my exciting life in the desert. Ha. That's good!! Anyway I spent the past two weeks in situations where I was forced to breathe deeply often and ponder WHY I went into management! Well here are the nuggets from the first three months:

I love working with almost everyone almost all of the time. A colleague sent this to me today and suggested it would be a great "visual" to let those who need it know that they have ....... well....... ya know!

I love creating things. Arts, crafts and party planning are things I love. I should really take my reports to a much more creative level and "dress" them in such a way that NO ONE can say a negative thing! Bows, ribbons, fancy paper and perhaps a basket of chocolates or baked goods. Who can get mad with muffins in the room, right?

I am a very patient person. Really!     ............  sigh   .............  um   ........You  know, if you are done with this sentence you can move along already.......

I DO want to retire some day so that I can choose the projects, people, place, subject matter and schedule. Will I be a lay about? NOT! I would be able to do daily things like, vacuum, underwear shopping (don't ask), taking a bath, hygiene. You know, those things that get "comped" in order to complete more pressing tasks like creating a proposal to impact 11,000 employees or dealing with misbehaved  employees (ADULTS) or deciding which of the three meetings scheduled at the same time and day in three locations all marked "priority high" to go to. I would instead perhaps have one thing to do during the day, like well, find "relief"! Ha. Sounds silly doesn't it, but do you know I did not do that today until just a bit ago. I understand there are people in the world who get to find relief more than once or twice a day. I would like to be one of those people. It is near the top of my retirement list. Then I would volunteer, visit family or friends, clean, vacuum and definitely change out the underwear drawers. Day two might take more time to plan for, but it sounds like a great start.

Seriously, I do love my job, I love the challenge and I do love the people. I am reminded of how unique each person is and find each person has specific gifts and talents, and yes, irritations. But face it, I am irritating. I must be! We all have something and it is learning how to draw out those positive things in order to overshadow or change those things from the "dark side" of each person. I am inspired by the kids that accept and mentor Master Gates. They take him completely, whether he is cooperating or not, whether he gets it or not, they take him along for the ride. Sometimes I think grown ups need that. I have not always seen that done, but I think it is a great skill for us to learn or regain from our youth when we had more tolerance for differences in ............... everything.

There it is, my thoughts for today. Hope you had some good thoughts today too! I know I am ready to face a new day. And if I need it, I will send out the monkey. :-)

Krackle

My papa bear is so cute. Always has been. And as I watch him change, some things are so humorous.  It makes me happy to know he is happy, enjoys things almost all the time and if he doesn't he will not remember. A simple suggestion will turn his frown upside down. Oh to have that gift of a short term memory for the unpleasant things and to be so easily redirected to happy thoughts:-)

So to give you an example of the simple joys of life I take you to the doctors office. He remembers his primary "Dr. K" but not the specialist. But that's okay. The specialist introduces himself every time with such a gentle manner that I am almost convinced we haven't met before......well almost. Each doctor reviews the test results, each time with the same surprise from dad. And before we are to the door he has forgotten the news. Wonderful!

And so this week I decided to take him a few treats. It is Easter season and the really fun candy is out in all the fancy wrappers. He loves treats. He is like a little kid when given goodies and it is such a joy to see him enjoy the little things so completely. Anyway, I had a little gift bag and a couple of bags of candy. Mini M & M's and mini candy bars. He digs through the bag and pulls out a pink candy bar. "Krackle, I don't think I have ever had one before!" He opened it and wow, that was really good.

We talk about the weather and having lunch when he returns to his care center. This makes him hungry so he digs through the bag and pulls out a small candy in a pink wrapper. "Krackle. I don't think I have ever had one before." Oh, that is really good he declares. I am smiling, a little chuckle. We enjoy people watching, talking about birds and what field trip he will go on during the week. As we wait a bit longer, he digs through the bag and finds a bag of the mini M & M's. Those are fun.

As he drops the M & M wrapper into the bag, he digs for one more piece of candy. It is pink, Krackle. He hasn't had one before! Okay, I am enjoying this very much. I am laughing as I am holding three wrappers and seeing him enjoy it as if it was the very first time. And in a way for him it is. He has just as much pleasure with the third Krackle as the first.

I remind him that eating the bag of candy does not count as lunch and he smiles. He will take the rest home for after. But I wonder if he ate more on the ride back and if any of them were pink!

I wonder how often I take little joys for granted as the "new" is gone and I am no longer amused or excited. How great would it be to open a book, or cupboard, or whatever and be just as excited as the very first time. Think about it, if you looked at your spouse as if it was the very first time, EVERY time. And what if the bad news vanished as soon as it arrived in favor of happier thoughts. What a gift.

I am so glad he is happy. I pray he will continue to enjoy everything as if it as the first time, like the air museum (3 trips) or Cody's visit (new every time....even if gone to the restroom) as he continues on this very unpredictable journey.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Decisions Decisions

Sometimes life is not as we expect. Who am I kidding??? It is RARELY what we expect but quite often more than we could imagine. I have found that just when I think I have it figured out, the page is turned and I am back to square one. Ever been there? It is quite perplexing and well at times....exhausting. I watch those around me in times when the weight of the world is on their shoulders and the burden is great. They fight it, try and toss it off, refuse to deal with it, deny it exists, all while the great "globe" sits on their back, pressing them down. If they can not resolve the conflict, come to a firm decision, they eventually just give up.

                                                           

Now, that could sound like a terrible defeat. It could sound like failure. Often however in their weakness they can have the greatest victory! That battle, that intense struggle, is just a diversion on the road to answers. It is a speed bump, if you will. They are forced to slow down, assess the damage and look for solutions. They no longer look within, but their focus is moved to the world around them. What help is near, what options are there, who is able to help? Because they can no longer move on their own they are forced to seek help, forced to look deeper.

                                       

So what do you do when you have a huge decision to make and no idea what to do, or when? Or perhaps you have part of the answers, but not ALL of them. You could just jump in and take what you get. That is often what people do either because they don't care or no longer have the energy or attention to give something. Can go either way. If it is good they say "we were right". If it is  bad they tend to blame others for not telling them what to do. Hmmmm. They walk around sounding like Rocky.. "Don't Worry Bout' It!"

                                                

Others can analyze it to death. MANY people do this. They spend SOOO much energy on the problem they can not possibly see the answer even if it is sitting on the couch next to them or on the paper in their hand or in the voice on the phone. They could be reading the exact words they are asking to hear and not comprehend a single sentence. They have clouded their ability to receive the right answer, as they are unable to trust it, and will pull every detail apart.

                                      

Or in the best case, they are sitting still, silent, listening for direction. They are paying attention because they have come to the end of their own rope, no more ideas, no more fuss. They are open to hear the still small voice telling them exactly what and when to do whatever it is. They are immediately at peace as a result because they are no longer wrestling an enormous weight. It is fascinating to see people set free from all the cares in the world, especially those they should never have held on to from the beginning. They seem lighter, free, able to deal not only with the problems and cares in their life but the process needed to get past that bumpy road. No hesitation, no regrets.

                                                    

So, what are you waiting for? Lay it down, whatever it is, stop over thinking it, stop searching for reasons to see it fail or trying to change the focus. Let go let God! Hey, I have heard that before....I think it makes perfect sense.  

Happy Saturday Friends and Family! Proverbs 3:5