The Unexpected

We take life for granted very often. We wake up, we have coffee, we grumble at the store clerk, we laugh at Frasier, we vacuum, eat some supper and fall asleep in the chair. All in a days journey. We don't spend a lot of time in the reminiscing stage or in mourning, usually. We dream a little, plan and control what we can. Then suddenly we are forced to stop. Like a hard wall, the lights go off, we can no longer tell where we are and what is going on. Cancer. It is that word that puts paint to the romance of life. We are walking along, enjoying the view when suddenly we can not get our eyes focused. We can not keep our control, we are drifting. Our mind begins to spin, reeling with fear and anxiety about the unknown.

And so it begins. Mom has been diagnosed with lung cancer; Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, SLL, CLL. She has been challenged to wrap her arms around it all, but has recognized that it is not the destination but the process that has her concerned. And of course the issue of time. I always think that is the most interesting anxiety for a patient. Our days are numbered from the beginning, not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow. Yet as I mentioned, we really don't 'pay attention' until we are forced to face it head on.

Her life started out in the south, poor farmers who always had extra plates of food for those who would walk down the dead-end road on Sundays. The big treat was tamales her father would buy from migrant laborers in the field. She played basketball in high school but found work in the five and dime to be great fun. Of course she met a military man there and the rest was history. Life ended up full of travel, adventures and family fun. Laughing, card playing, bowling and great home made food. Of course Atari, airplane rides and antique shopping were standard fare as well.

As she moved into assisted living two years ago, she had some 'challenges' losing her freedom, her privacy,  independence, her car! But over time she has adjusted to the quieter life. Not to say she still doesn't enjoy a good trip to the mall or Walgreen's or absolutely anywhere someone will take her. But she has come to acceptance about so many things. So now we have a new barrier to her happiness in her daily living. But she is resilient, tough, strangely determined to get her arms around this next step.

So it is my privilege to spend the next.......?...........helping her stay 'in the game'. My niece gave me a shirt that mentions putting your big girl panties on and dealing with it. I wear it a lot now. After all I am THAT daughter, and I do get away with that. Usually. I am factual, practical and going to make her laugh when possible. I just need to train the rest of the crew at the home to take the ball and run when I am away.

When she needs it, I remind her we are to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. We are to wrestle our flesh, not let it take our joy. So many things in life to be grateful for. Every day we must remember, count the blessings, consider what great joy it is to serve the King and be sure of our forever home. And by all means, start the celebration here and now. Well, this is my goal, encouraging trust, hope, faith and joy for her days.

You could be a great support by prayer. And there is always a hug and a smile for any encouragement. She loves mail.....you know, paper, stamps. :-) I will update from time to time. And covet your friendship along the journey.

Jude 24-25

Awareness

It is amazing to think about the day to day activities we participate in when compared to the things we have no idea of that are going on around us. Have you ever seen someone find a dollar bill, get a winning scratcher, fall off a curb, get in an accident, become very sick or pass away? Of course you have, at least some of those. Now, dissect some of these common, daily events and can you see how providence protected or directed you to or through them? I know, it is late and this is deep. But seriously folks, have you ever been aware of the world around you or are your eyes constantly focused on the inner circle, that small narrow view of 'the world'? I find this to be a stunning question and even more appalling are the answers I hear when this comes up, and it does.

So lets consider a few of these just to challenge or entertain you. That lottery ticket for example. You have probably been in line behind someone 'shopping' for their tickets. "Oh please, just pick one!" you have said, if not out loud in your head. I am sure it could be heard as it leaked out your glaring eyes. BUT what if that was you and your $5 and you were desperately trying to win so you could pay some bills, buy a house big enough for the ten kids or even retire? What if it was you who scratched off those magic silver spots to see the winning wheelie dealies or numbers? Would that be OK then? Would it make it a little easier to be patient thinking that it could be you? Perhaps then a little delay in line is not the worst thing.

That fall off the curb, OY! I have done that any number of times. The best story however is my best, a 'sympathy' fall, that's right SYMPATHY. Well some grace, natural clumsiness, massive distraction but sympathy was in there somewhere. You see I was trying to impress my new employee with a tour of the campus and some entertaining conversation while running some errands. As we walked between buildings on this cute little curved sidewalk, I was telling her my thoughts about people who take twenty minutes to pick their lottery tickets while at the counter. I noticed two ladies walking up a straight sidewalk when suddenly the one tripped and headed for ground. As if by entering some strange 'black hole' I stepped OFF the sidewalk, falling forward and back onto the edge of that cute little curved sidewalk. Bad sidewalk, BAD! As I turned my head to the right I could see the 1st sidewalk victim stand, dust her ego off and continue her walk into the building. I on the other hand did not fair so well. I stood, realizing I left a perfectly good pair of lip prints on the pavement and in taking that next step apparently had left a knee imprint as well. Over the next several minutes of trying to 'be cool' I became so impaired by pain and teary laughter that I had to go to occupational health. You guessed it, broke that knee cap I did. And no they did not figure that out at Occupational health, silly you. It would be many many days before I would see a real doctor, get a real xray and plan for surgery. I would not have seen the fall and recovery which led to my ultimate demise had I not been delayed at the store. Yup, and had I been paying attention, I would have stopped walking (normal people would do that), assisting the lady who fell and gotten on with my business. But I was more engrossed in my own delightful thoughts and conversation to notice what was going on around me.


And while we are at it, car accidents. Have you driven by a terrible accident, cars all mangled, ambulances everywhere, cell phones competing for airwaves? A minute earlier and that could have been you! You were spared, have you ever recognized that? That lady that drove you nuts in the store taking an extra five minutes to pick her lottery tickets delayed you so you missed the distracted teen who ran the red light and caused the accident. It could have been you! Suddenly now you want to go find the lady who made you stand in line and ask her to forgive you for your mean thoughts.

When we focus on our own world, thoughts, needs, issues, we totally miss the world around us. We miss the Hand that pushes forward or pulls us back at different points of each and every day. We are oblivious to the steps we take and the zillion missed opportunities because we are only worried about ourselves. I have heard people say it, usually joking, that it's 'All about Me'. Truth is, it is not at all about me. It is so much bigger than me. I am the speck in the big painting of life. I have no real idea what significance my life will have in the final portrait or the impact I will have in the lives around me. But what I am certain of is that if I do not pay attention, if I am not aware of the world around me, I am going to miss what matters most. I am going to miss opportunity. I am going to miss giving or receiving blessing. I must be intentional, eyes focused on that world around me, on the matters at hand.

What is it that you are overlooking? Who is it that needs your attention? What opportunities do you have to make a difference in the lives of those you pass by? Start now. When you see the tear in your nylon or the massive pimple on your nose, remind yourself, you are in Mighty Hands. Change your gaze. Look out, around or up! Make the most of every moment and be aware!!

I have the BEST team!

So while I clearly have amazing family and friends, I am also blessed with a great team at work. This is a couple of picture videos with my peeps. Makes me cry. Thanks TEAM!

MS ONC Holiday Lunch 2013

2013 MS Clin Ed Team

Merry Christmas?

I can not believe it is here! Don't have an app for the time warp that occurs between my sons birthday and the day after Christmas. It is a span of like 40 seconds. And as I stood in the line for the third time at the post office I discovered this time space continuum is global. We are all looking around dazed, unclear about what happened between the time we bought the gift on clearance last year and when we discovered it under some old blankets in the trunk two weeks ago. I encouraged one distraught grandmother who was feeling horrible about the late posting of the boxes. I reminded her that it is not like she forgot the children, she actually planned for this gift months ago. She just was unable to recall the actual 'plan' for the gift until the postman delivered her first Christmas cards. "Crap" she exclaimed and there it is, the sound heard round the world. It marks the emanate arrival of Joy, Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Men.

And so it is with a grateful heart and abundant memories that I choose to let the seasonal anxiety disorder roll off my back and I put on the cloak of glad tidings. I will smile 'because I like to' as I so boldly posted on my Facebook (thank you to my twin Judy). I will sing along to Christmas music at the grocer. I will refrain from negative body language when standing in line at the department store as women or couples decide if they really want all of the things they have stuffed in both carts. I will not make agitated noises such as heavy unnatural sighs should they have the clerk go look for a different color 'just to compare'. I will remember that it is a great gift that was given all those years ago that made it possible for me to find hope in the challenges of the day. Yes even in the life threatening situations in line at the food court, I will keep my focus. I will cling to th cross and trust He will not allow me to weld it in anger but lean on it with patience.

Merry Christmas all. Find peace in His presence. Find joy in His wisdom. Find hope in his promise.

Supersize These!

I have spent the last 2 1/2 years changing...........ME. I think for the most part, for those things that are under my control, I have done pretty good. When it comes to shopping for clothes and style, I got this. From my years of experience I know the best shops for elastic, stretch knit and all things with x's in the size label. I had never enjoyed finding sizes with a single place letter or a zipper.







Then I made some lifestyle changes:

Upon discovery of Celiac Disease - we had to go gluten free. Who knew,right? Pros are I feel GREAT! Cons are that gluten free food is FREE of gluten but often LOADED with sugar, calories and fats. A real education for those who can not ingest the lethal grains. I read labels, I modify recipes, I add low/no calorie things to fill the space in the fixins'

http://webglutenfree.blogspot.com/

What really started this journey was a son who was chronically and critically ill for 12 years. After a series of routine visits, tests and appointments, a freaked out mom (me) pulled his life story of results into a spreadsheet and started her own pursuit of answers. THANKFULLY we found a great friend (Michelle), some great doctors (Dr. Kolpuru and Dr. Panchoosingh)and answers.

As an auto-immune, hereditary disease, family are tested. By the time I had my blood work I had already been gluten free for a couple of months, long enough to skew the results to borderline. BUT, I had already had symptoms I had lived with for years disappear. AND the profile I took from Cleveland Clinics Celiac disease center I had all of the risk/indicators. So gluten free for five years we are free of frequent emergency room visits, chronic respiratory illness, migraines, and pneumonia. Wonderful!




Then came the weight loss........A life long struggle that consumed me in a moment, a sudden epiphany. And I have not looked back. I struggle, have some up and down, because despite the fact that I have mastered a lifestyle change in my eating I am ...... well for the most part, human! I have human behavior, human hormones, and human emotions, all of which can be most challenging at times. BUT I have the answer for ongoing success. Each failure (or decision) has equal opportunity to be followed by success (better decision). We can always make one more better decision.


http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=515298918843171114#overview/src=dashboard





So now I have fun trying some new and different things. Always looking for comfy unders and overs. I am told 'try these' you will love them. So I look at the package and determine that while I hate buying anything with an X in the size, I will buy the XL. Well, you tell me what you think....

What started as an adventure in new cool things instead left me with MANY questions. For beginners, XL WHAT? Infant? Alien? Anorexic?
What would the outcome be if indeed I did manage to force feed my body into the 'garment'? Would I be able to breath? Would I need to have them surgically removed? Would my displaced body mass go UP or DOWN? What is the likelihood they would return to their original shape should I successfully remove them without a blade of some kind? Clearly more questions then answers. I opted to remain upright and respiring without the excess compression that I am sure would be induced from the presence of these unders!

Perhaps I may never be ready for an undergarment that can be used as a hair tie, or be interested enough to have to fast to apply unders. What I did realize is that I love some things comfy, no matter what the size. So dear super spandex, I leave you to the tiny people who need to experience this tiny accomplishment to feel beautiful. I will focus on something else. Jewelery perhaps.........My earring size has not changed in years.

Reece's Rainbow Christmas Angel Tree Program is Here!

We have been so encouraged by the work and mission of Reece's Rainbow as they raise adoption grant funds for families. Finding loving, forever homes for these special needs orphans is an incredible work. If you are looking for a special giving opportunity visit Reece's Rainbow website to learn more.

Reece's Rainbow Christmas Angel Tree

What's the Point........

I sit here watching a movie, a docudrama, about poverty, adversity, prejudice, class wars, family struggles, perseverance, dreams, success and I think "What's the point to my life?" It was clear that in this mans life he did not let the stigma of his heritage, economic status, class, social rank, public opinion or family strife stop him from his dream. It almost did, but he realized that it was 'now or never'. The opportunity had presented and if he let it pass it may never come again. He risked it all. He endured mocking, insults and rejection to take the step and he won! He achieved not only his short term goal but that step led to a lifetime of success as well as a true friend. I like this story. Francis Ouimet was not meant to be anybody. He was a poor immigrant stuck in the lower social class, not a gentleman but a laborer. He was born to it, nothing could change it. Even in his success he was not allowed to be paid for it, he was a commoner, not permitted to receive rewards for his accomplishments. It did not stop him.

So here I am at my 'mid-life' point and I am thinking about my life, what's the point? What am I driven to accomplish? What is it I am to be focused on? By societies standard I am doing ok, I am middle class which means I can go anywhere that my VISA limit will cover. I am educated, can spell most words without spellcheck and have the ability to have robust dialogue when opportunities arise.....which means I can give it as good as I get. I even have a wonderful husband and son. I endure personal challenges and pain, health that is increasingly fragile despite my constant denial, I mean exercise. So, purpose anyone? What is my drive, dream, calling? What is to be accomplished with lifes trials and challenges?

Well, I know that in struggles we become dependent. When we run out of our resources we lean on others. When we have goals or dreams we seek out knowledge, support and resources. So in other words helpless, or so it may seem. But in it all being helpless is just another way of admitting that we can not do it all alone. We do not have it all together. That we are needy, broken, messed up and perhaps lost people who need a little nudge or helping hand. Francis Ouimet relied on a little guy named Eddie who became a lifelong best friend. Both in stature and age he seemed like the wrong choice, but in life he was the one that 'had his back', made sure he was a success.

So for today I will ponder what it is that is 'next'. What is it I am going to be driven to pursue, support, develop or participate in? Better yet, what will I be able to do whole heartedly without abandon? What will be the right fit for my life and will make the best use of my gifts or abilities? Hmmmmm I am certain this will be an interesting opportunity. In the meantime I will drink coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

Unified Sports Halftime Homecoming RSK 2013

This high school has set the bar very high for acceptance, inclusion and community. At the home coming half time the Unified Sports Team performed this program. It features some bully kids, treating a student badly. Peers react by 'changing teams', helping the student and standing up for unity! I am often brought to tears when I go to school for events or just to pick up our son and see the number of kids that know him by name, give him the high five and let him know they are looking forward to seeing him again. Now if the rest of the world could get this message, oh what a world it would be! Enjoy. WE LOVE you RSK!!

Age

I could talk a lot about the attributes of aging. After all everyone I know is doing it. But truth be told the attributes often are overshadowed by, well, reality of the rusty bucket aka body we are currently using. You know, the groan here, the pop there. And it would be difficult to include all of the potential exciting changes you could experience. If I work very hard I could soon have a new series of Dr Seuss books ...... 'Oh The Noises I Can Make', or 'One Pill, Two Pill', or even 'Horton Hears a What'd You Say'? I always wondered why did they stop the series of What To Expect When You have Toddlers at such a young age. I think there is a lot of untapped expertise that could hit the print. i am just saying.

As I wake early every morning I am grateful that well....I am awake, my bed isn't wet and I still remember my name. Don't delve any deeper at this age as slight discrepancies may be noted. I could skip breakfast as I am usually full after the morning meds. LOL Lets get an add for that eating plan. Once I load dose on the coffee I am ready for, a shower. Can't rush a good thing.

Once the cacophony of sound subsides I am ready to start the day. I am sorry, you thought I was already there. Not so much. But NOW I am ready to get dressed, pack the lunches, prepare for a day of adventures and surprises. WORK, I am talking about work. Never know from one day to the next what project, process or crisis will arise. This may all require more coffee, meds and relaxation exercises most often the result of excessive eye rolling, teeth grinding and hours of sitting in a frozen position from the tension. I love this job. And I love caffeine. That order may not be correct but they are attached.

As I have aged this year I have grown closer to my physician, gynecologist, opthamologist, orthopedist and benefits specialist. We are all on a first name basis now. They know all about me, my family and my desire to have my own television and remote. If you don't tell, I do have a little fun now and again. Just when my husband gets settled into a television show IT my change channels, mysteriously. Despite changing it back a time or two it will go to another channel. Well, they did give us two remotes. Got to take it out of the drawer now and again to check the batteries. Anyway.......my OWN tv would rock:-)

The thing that is the hardest is the fact that as my son is older, approaching graduation and wanting to stay busy, while I am having to slow down a bit. A very uncomfortable, frustrating, inconvenient thing. It is all due to aging. A list of attributes that attack simultaneously to force you to retreat to a place unfamiliar. As I have been described to have only two speeds, moving or sleeping, I am finding the latter is taking over as of late. I decided to start a study to see if you can 1. catch up on years of lost sleep, 2. wake refreshed, 3. sleep yourself awake or 4. decide it is ok to sleep. Hmmmmmmm

Ok, so no more whining. I know many of you have by far surpassed me in age, medical provider list, ailments, etc and you are still here, right? I will look to you for advise, learn from your mistakes decisions so I don't make a wrong turn and of course trust that God has some birthday surprises yet to come. God knows the plan He has (Jeremiah 29:11) for me now if I could get a hint/sign/two-by-four clue that would rock!!

Remembering Daniel.....Laughter

Where does the time go? All kinds of life is going on and 'The footprint of Daniel' is everywhere. I smile as I think about his having a niece and nephew, how he would be silly with them and not care. I was just watching video of him letting young Cody knock him over and giggle. He would sit up and do it again. Laughter! I think about his bestie Sam married and on some exotic couples vacation with a beach and a pub. I can see him snorkeling and likely terrifying any number of creatures. Laughter. I think about his other bestie buying a house and getting married all while continuing to parent the little  cute puppy. I hear jokes and laughter.
I find that as I miss him I also find he is very close and I think often he is laughing! He had fun in everything no matter what it was. He found the right attitude for his life, and I am forever grateful for that. And I will always hear his laughter. Love always, Aunt Doodley

Unexpected Segway

I love the thought that all roads lead to fun and adventure. I am a human though, so unlike my favorite canines, I am acutely aware that not all roads are fun despite the 'adventure' I embark on. What does make life 'worth it all' is the work we get to do along the way and the people who stand beside us.



FACT: work is a four letter word, often associated with harsh labor, inferior pay, lack of kudos.

QUESTION: Is that really what work is? Is all work bad? The words we use for 'work' may not be fully defined in our tiny view. Lets review.....

Hiking over a mile uphill with 50 pounds of winter camping gear so that you can be the first girl scout to camp in the snow.

Cooking and washing dishes to earn money.....for a first car.

Marching 6 days in a row for months to prepare for an international band trip to Europe.

Studying with crazy people and pots (fields) of coffee over the course of years all kinds of hours to become a nurse.

Flying more than 24 hours each way to teach hygiene and participate in crusades in India.

Fighting a sailfish and marlin for hours to reel them in.

Wooing a great man for weeks with spaghetti, chocolate and feminine whiles.

Planning a wedding including the travel plans, reservations and house sitter.

Waiting and waiting for a boy to be born who had to be delivered...I think against his will.

Rocking all night for days on end for years on end holding someone who depended on me.

Searching for the right doctors, the right schools, the right therapists, the right friends for a special son.

Watching life pass by at light speed with my son growing up and needing me less.

Waiting for the next phase.

Hoping for a clear vision and excellent hearing as I search the heavens.

Trusting that even when I am no longer here someone will continue the work.

Resting in hands so much stronger than mine.

I am thinking not all work is bad, or for not. I am also thinking I might actually like a lot of the things that might sound bad to the casual reader. I will probably choose to continue some of them, as a matter of fact. So I guess I need to say, "More later folks, I have work to do!"