Change in Course

One never knows exactly where time or life will take them. It is a mystery in almost every way. Some things are somewhat predictable though the details remain clouded until the right time. I am actually grateful for that as if we knew all of the facts in advance it may drive us away from rather than through the storms. 
Yesterday we buried our father. An honorable man, honest, gentle and kind. A "perfect gentleman" as reported by many of his co-workers who wrote about him this past week.

Following his hip fracture and repair he seemed to be doing well, but suffered an apparent stroke that led to the rapid spiral downward. Throughout his life he had a sense of humor and tolerance for any situation. He never complained. And this was the case even as his abilities became more limited including speech. Rarely opening his eyes, he would grunt when you asked him a questions. "Dale, are you hungry?" "Dale, do you want soup?" "Dale, do you want potatoes?" Grunt, that was difficult to distinguish between yes and no. "Dale, do you want a hot dog?" Grunt....only with a fluctuation in tone. "How many?" Two fingers go up. Two hot dogs. Can't open his eyes or give us a solid yes or no, but he wants his very favorite food. I was able to feed him his last hot dog dinner. He ate every bite.

With the change to his condition my family began to travel in to see him. The leader of our family and our wise counselor throughout our lives was now reduced to a grunt and maybe a nod. By his nod or tight grasp of the hand we knew he was aware of our presence even if we could not get other acknowledgments. His delightful memory care director Sara or 'boss' as he so often referred to her, along with his favorite visitor Pam and pet therapy dog Emily were able to come and feed him his favorite chocolate pudding the night before he passed.

It would be the next morning we got 'the call' that his condition had changed. I was at the far corners of the earth or at least valley as it would happen. Mom was at the hairdresser and my sister and her husband were at the hotel. Sure. I headed back with the plan to pic up mom. Linda and Homer headed up to his room. My mom knew the moment I arrived it was dad. We gathered at his side. Certainly he was on the road home. Not what we had hoped for six weeks ago when he entered rehab. Not where we thought we would be two years ago when he had his stroke. Definitely not what we expected five years ago when they moved to Arizona. When reflecting on the past several years, a definite change in course from where we started, from the vision we had, from the list of what we expected. It is not that it is completely bad, just very unexpected.

After a time together I sent my family and mother away while I took the first watch. I sent a few emails to work so they would know where I was. The room was quiet, no good noise. Then I remembered I had a Christmas CD on my iPad. I told my dad I would play that as it is beautiful music. I turned it on. immediately he relaxed, breathing easier, smoother. The hospice social worker arrived. I placed my hand on his arm. The second song, O Come All Ye Faithful began. Before that classic first invitational line completed, my father passed. No struggle, no signs of pain, no fear. Quiet, peaceful, sleep. Wonderful!

                                               Oh Come All Ye Faithful by Casting Crowns

Not what I envisioned. Not how I had planned. Not what I have seen dozens of times before. A different experience. Unexpected yet pleasantly surprised. The social worker even commented that she never sees this smooth transition or 'takeoff'. I sat there for some time, sad yet relieved. He died as he lived, without a battle. He was not afraid. He had a change in course, he was now home. Eternally safe, sound, happy, healed, rejoicing, celebrating with angels. Home! As in the song by Chris Tomlin I Willl Rise he is hearing the voices of many angels and longing hearts singing. He had great joy in the here and now, but he was waiting, ready for a change in course. In a way, his journey has just begun!

                                                            Lt Col Dale E Jackson (Ret)

A Chink in the Armour.

I am not really sure where to begin or what focus to have. As you are well aware it has been a few weeks since the last post. I thought I had done one.....CLEARLY not my best month for organization and control. I am completely OUT of control of.......................life! Who knew.

Parent One: ER for chest pain and new diagnosis of heart problems.
Parent Two: Fell and fractured hip requiring surgery.
Parent One: Fell and fractured wrist requiring a splint.
Parent Two: Slow to get moving and a bit more confused.
Parent One: Slow to get moving and a bit more confused.

HMMM, I believe I am seeing a pattern. Like the great big afghan of life (that one is for mom), there seems to be a familiar zig then zag in this phase of life. Terrible to watch and beginning to seep into the cracks in my armour. I am more fatigued and starting to have EMOTIONS related to this life change I am watching. While I have prided myself on staying 'clinically detached', it is starting to challenge my control of the daily flow as I bridge a full time job, a full time high school student, a husband and two ailing parents at 4 different addresses;-) I can honestly say.,.... I AM TIRED.

It may just be today, but I sense that I may now actually NOT be able to keep my ducks in a row

cover all my bases

meet every ones needs

 satisfy my personal overachieving expectations

Yikes.

This is all quite alarming and forces me to be quite introspective (a large word meaning I have to evaluate/re-evaluate all activity/purpose/meaning to life for the purpose of priority and boundaries). I can clearly see the importance of all these things, and yet I must care for me for me to care for others. My focus will need to be on what is necessary not just necessarily nice. Wow, that will be difficult.

In addition, the course of THIS day has brought a somber reality that parent number two is losing the battle. While the hip fracture was a tremendous blow, things initially looked conservatively optimistic. But over the past three days changes indicate possibly a TIA or new stroke. Activity is profoundly limited and communication is sporadic at best. Not where we were hoping to be.

Parent one is also having more difficulty with daily activities and memory that makes this whole thing even more complex. So today after weeks of hospital hopping, one crisis after another, hoping endlessly for improvement, the word Hospice entered the conversation. I brought it up. It is time.

Hospice of the Valley

The facility they live in can accommodate parent two's needs and support parent one. Hospice can bring in any equipment, assistance, support, etc that is necessary for parent two while keeping everyone comfortable and close. Then it is wait. Weeks or months, never know. But at least we will be waiting in the comfort of 'home', surrounded by familiar faces, places and things. Not medical but comfortable.

 Palos Verdes Senior Living

I am so grateful for the support of family and friends. I usually do not share or indulge great  amounts of news.....this is an  unusual glimpse into this most difficult place. I have confidence, however, that while the days or months ahead may be emotional or sorrowful, Christ has prepared a place for each on and awaits their arrival. AND because I know that I am His, I have a relationship with Him, someday we will all be reunited. That is great comfort. I have seen God's hand on our family over the years and clearly His perfect will is being perfected,

The Promise of Heaven      

Nearing Home: Thoughts on Life, Faith and Finishing Well


All that being said, thank you for prayer. Thank you for patience. Thank you for walking along side me and my family. We are grateful and wait to see where we are in the next chapter of this journey.

NEXT!

So if you  recall, I was ruminating about what is next in the big adventure that is life. I am here to tell you........not what I  planned. That great adventure that is every day, it has arrived and here is what I have 'new' since last we met on my blog.

Best Buddy potluck was a hit on the heels of Homecoming! Mom and Dad enjoyed their son being 16, cool and demonstrating his new found interest in break dancing......ok, I was alarmed and fairly certain we were going to the hospital for a fracture, but we (he) survived without event. He did dance well too. He has it going on. The girls love him, the boys make noises with him. What more can I guy ask for? Great food, great friends. We are so enjoying this time with our forever friends.......it took us forever to get to know them and we will be bonded as friends forever.

I had a birthday. Wonderful day. Oh it did not start out with the appearance of wonderful, but it ended up being that way. You see I started off cranky as we woke up 7 minutes before the bus was to arrive. Now I am good and Cody can be, uh, motivated to move faster, but 7 minutes. I think not! SO I got us both dressed, lunch packed and breakfast to go made and had to take him to school. There I had to wait for the bus to catch up to us and then throw him .....let him out of the car so that I could speed along to work.  There I missed my therapy appointment and my traction. I was really looking forward to getting 'pulled apart' as Cody describes it. Thus I was on time to my first meeting. YEAH! And so the day was off to a grand start. A pot of coffee.....no a spilled pot of coffee, allowed me to clean my entire work space so that I could make a new pot of coffee. And by noon it was work as usual. When my husband asked how my day was going, I reflected that I had not harmed anyone so that was good! The day passed as usual from there with one notable exception. I had dozens of birthday emails, well wishes, jokes, cards, all contributing to a brighter disposition by days end. I actually was laughing at how agitated I had become over something so insignificant as being late as compared a real problem like work hunger. Perspective:-)

When I arrived home I had received flowers, a GREAT stampin gift set, and a handmade Book About Us by Master Cody Gates. Lovely. Oh and I did I mention an iPad!! WooHoo! Love it. I can only do like ten things so far but I am willing to learn. Apple store here I come. Cody makes everyday one to remember. Happy Birthday Mom!

SO the weekend continued to bring  more little celebrations and gifts. I am blessed beyond measure. I spent the weekend shopping, eating, churching, visiting. Good times. The bestest visit was that with old and very dear friends Benjamin and Magdalene Komanapolli. I will always hold these people in my heart. I had the privilege to meet them more than 20 years ago...ok 25 years ago, and stay with them in their home in India. I am so blessed when they come to town. Some of my dear friends joined us at Olive Garden for food and fellowship.

And the weekend came to an end. The big news from Cody was FALL BREAK.  He got to sleep in until 6:30 a.m. and go to UCP all day. LOVED IT. He runs the place or believes he could. And they all treat him pretty special. Great place

Then we arrived at today. Another birthday lunch with dear friend Kelly. We were brought together more than 20 years ago because of bandages. Who knew! Lots of fun. Then the phone rang. Found dad on the floor near but not his wheelchair and unable to move. Two hours later we are in the emergency department,  CT and xrays done and admitted for a fractured hip. He will have surgery tomorrow. Poor daddy. He would tell me it hurts one minute then ask what happened the next. He has the curse or blessing of a very short memory.....depends on which moment we are in which way that goes. Today we have the surgery complete, rod and pins. Now the real work begins!!

So I am preparing for bed and ready to wake up and declare "NEXT!" Let's see what tomorrow will bring as I got a pretty good idea where we ended up as of this point.

What's Next?

Every day is an adventure....essentially.....which should intrigue even the most remotely interested human. There are things we can do with little to no thought. And in the end it comes off without a hitch, well, most of the time. For those times when things DON'T go according to plan (assuming you had one) you are given really two options in life; roll with it or freak out. In my world, my little circle I find rolling with it to be the status quo. No matter what our parents do to us, we go with the flow.

That plan that didn't happen provides hours of fun. For example this could be a great wall ornament, maybe one of those tricky camera shots or it could be evidence of one of those times that, well, had little to no thought. I am just sayin! These, however, are My FAVORITE kind of moments. I would leave it personally, at least long enough to gain attention from the friends and neighbors, possible some free food.

Sometimes there is so little to do that doing nothing with whatever is in reach can yield the best entertainment. I mean it may start out as breakfast or light house cleaning, but what is the fun in that! So a little tape, streamers, marker, food and Voila! A stylish hat that most certainly would have made an I Love Lucy Episode or a wedding 'wish' where a ring should be. Who knew!

In the end I can honestly say I think there is a fine line between having fun and having a full blown breakdown. But on the bright side both can provide a much needed vacation from the insanity that is work, responsibility, pain, frustration, sadness, boredom, lack of craft supplies and the other things that so freely capture the waking moments of any day.  I am always eager to catch a glimpse of those around me taking action to seize the day..............or at least the youngest brother, long enough to show the love!

In retrospect I see those moments in life I captured well and those that would have benefited from far less intensity. Intentional living..........  seeing each second as a chance to engage, improve, enjoy! It allows me to remain positive, hopeful and excited knowing that I am passing through, not a resident but a guest in the land of men. I know I am not perfect but I know I am perfected. Because of that I can wake up in the morning excited to see.....................What's Next? I will let you know!





FRIENDS!

So many friends, so much to do, so much fun! We have had crazy busy fun things going on in the midst of our daily " life". It is all of these fillers.....or are these the life and the work is the filler, hmmmm....another post I think, but to complete the original thought....that make life so wonderful!

Whether we are having a great day or not, we find friends all around us. There seems to be a great amount of genuine love, complete empathy and a familiar sense of humor about things only those walking in our shoes can fully understand. Thank goodness we have each other! I say this often. As those ahead of us navigate the road ahead, they share it with us, and in turn we will share it with those who come behind. Phew, so glad I have others to follow:-)

In just the last couple weeks we have had many opportunities to hang out with our gang!

Isaiah's Birthday Bowling Party. Lots of smiling, boy noise and food! Good times as kids chased each other around the  ball return, ate cake and sang with gusto. I can tell you this, the bowling alley may reconsider it's all you can eat pizza package after having these growing boys in the house.

Randy and Riley's Birthday. Not right! We have known Randy way long before Ashley, Riley and Ally were born and when big brother ricky was just a little cutie pie. Sorry Ricky! Still cute, but now taller than........... everyone! Great time.

Anthony's Birthday was full of pizza, arcade games and prizes. These kids are something at fenageling prizes from the counter staff. They look up at them with those bright eyes, flash a grin and walk away with twice as much as they earned from tickets. Of course, we pay 700 times what they are worth, but it is all about the prize:-)

Picnic in the Park is one of our favorite events as it lets kids be kids, and moms sit. Yes, mothers sit and talk and drink coffee all without chasing children around the block, searching for them as they slip away silently or taking some inedible object out of their hands. It is a great day for us all and we enjoy knowing more about each other and the journey that brought us together. Let me tell you, many have been through difficult times beyond imagination and have emerged strong and courageous. Inspirational is putting it lightly. Good times!

Sharing DS Walk for Down Syndrome which was excellent. Thousands of folks with the CUTEST kids on earth. Okay some of them aren't kids by definition, but they keep us young no matter how old we all are. AZ Team Mascots, dancing, games, food and a great walk around Tempe Diablo stadium. The event and Sharing Down Syndrome is run by no other than my BFF Gina Johnson, mother to us all! I, like so many families, have been touched for life by this woman's love and passionate commitment to our kids. I cry just thinking about her....it's a good cry:-)

As you can see we have a common theme to all our activities of late. Fun, Friends and Silliness! We are fortunate to be loved by so many great people. I am blessed to be supported by such amazing women, all who inspire me to reach higher.

Here's to Aging

Well as I approach yet another wonderful anniversary of my 18th birthday I find more physician orders for investigation and fewer working parts. Whatever does this mean? I know that these bodies are vessels or better failing, temporary houses. But I also know that while I am in "the house" I would like to assure that the plumbing is sound and their are no rotting beams or rusty hardware.

So here it is, the C word. I know, I mentioned this in passing before. I don't know why but I have resisted this for 2 years. My doctor was actually quite rude handing me the order for a colonoscopy well before my 50th birthday....BECAUSE I was turning 50. That is like punishment for reaching a landmark day. I quickly replied "No way. That is not a proper celebration for the half century mark. You don't give that sentence to someone who is going to turn 50 but because they DID turn 50!" He laughed and gave me permission to wait until after my 50th birthday. I jumped right on it...................more or less..........okay two years to get it scheduled but I have it done. It is on the books. I would appreciate some emergency or crisis intervention from anyone but I have a feeling I will have to bite the bullet or laxative, whatever the appropriate preparation may include.

Then there is this whole "back" thing. What a trip. I have gone from not being able to stand on Fathers day to reduced pain but no feeling whenever I sit, cross my legs, keep my legs straight or flex my legs. Other than that I am good to go, except for the first and second toe, both feet. Ahhh and here it is. I have avoided diabetes and neuropathy (loss of sensation to feet) with weight loss and diet only to develop neuropathy (loss of sensation to feet) from my back, aka, radiculopathy. I find that ridiculous! HAHA And what is with the tail bone? I have more discomfort from that now then when I was thrown from a horse years ago.....Yee Ha! I do remember that fractured pelvis though, and head, and I think something else. Oh yes, ego.

But not to worry. I have to tell you it's all good as my husband says. These are but light, momentary afflictions (interruptions) that have no bearing on my here and now, or my eternity in glory. They are irrelevant in the big picture. They could affect me badly if I let them but why? I have perspective around me on a daily basis. There are those with more or less, better or worse. I am good. And if all goes well my meds will prevent me from remembering the "test" so all I have to worry about is remembering to get there for the test. If I ever am to have a memory lapse this would be the best time ever. HA.

To be clear I will not, like many television personalities, show you pictures or describe any gory details. I wont be on YouTube.....unless there is an illegal camera phone in the room. I will not repeat comments made by physicians who speak candidly when they think you are sedated. I will not discuss my bowel prep or outcome in any manner. I will focus on the "afterlife", i.e. after the test resuming my wonderful life. I look forward to that. See, perspective! It only takes a miserable procedure and a pain in the back to remind you of how great life is. Once home I will sigh deeply, sit on my special chair cushion and enjoy a night of boxing with my husband. Thank  goodness I like to watch violent sports:-)