What Matters Most

This probably changes from day to day, and for me, some days minute by minute. What really matters most? When we are in the midst of life it may be trivial or selfish things, an iPod, Wii, Audi, Boat, vacation. Whatever it is, it is likely just that, "IT". Oh I know we all have periods of better judgement but when we get comfortable we lose our focus and get sidetracked by noise, sparkles and gizmo's.

Remember toys, you had to have the toy. You would do anything for the toy. Work, promise, beg, cry, tantrum. All you knew is you gotta have it, no matter what the sacrifice. My favorite example of this still modern day scenario is found in the classic movie The Christmas Story. That boy wanted, needed, had to have it, a Red Rider BB gun. Even if it meant he would shoot his eye out! Now the difference between him and me is a few years in age, we don't need to discuss how many, just know that there are a few! years difference. Aging should bring maturity, better judgement, ability to reason and choose the better road. Hmmmm, but then I think maybe not so much from what I see around. Older people just change the presentation of the tantrum, but they still have one in some form or another.

Today we were faced with news that provoked re-evaluation of what matters most. And it brings about that million dollar question, when you have only a limited number of days, what will you do? Will IT still matter? How will you act? Think? What business will you need to address? Decisions to be made? How long will your list be? Will you have time to do or say all the things you need to? Who will do what is left? Caused me to think on a grander scale.

Since we are born with a limited life span, i.e. we all only live so long, wouldn't it be great to start this process much earlier? To weigh every option, decision, conversation, action with the knowledge that it could be over tomorrow? Seems a little morbid and yet how wonderful to think that no matter when your number is called or your clock runs out, you have done well by others. You have done what matters most! I can just see dying, taking a deep sigh and wearing a smile of peaceful satisfaction because I know what I have done and I know where I am going. Ahhhhh!

So take a moment to make a list, evaluate what is important. Get your cards and letters in the mail, call someone just because, toss out the junk, enjoy a senseless afternoon with family or friends, take the day off, don't waste another minute. Then whether it is to bed each night or going before the throne you will be ready!

Psalm 90 Put this on the top of the list, read it soon!

Hard Headed

I have always wondered why we do not learn more from our pets and the abundance of natural lessons that occur outside our personal sphere. For example, we have the most persistent wood pecker in our neighborhood. Now I would say brilliant woodpecker if he chose a tree of fine wood that would permit him to gain access after hours of incessant "pecking". But our bird has chosen to repetitiously bang it's beak on the metal tube to our chimney. Something that over the period of 13 years he has managed to make a slight dent in the vent but has not been able to make a breakthrough....or in! And what would dear bird find would he successfully find a way but the hot embers from the fire below! Does anyone else see an instant word picture?

I also had a dog that HATED being groomed. His name fit him and he loved being mussed, not dirty just pleasantly disheveled. So upon return from the groomer I just gave a healthy sum of money to, he would immediately roll in the dirt or on the oil stained driveway and begin to chew the bows out of his ears. I would try to get them out but pulling the tiny rubber bands made him yelp! And without fail his teeth would get caught in the long hair on his ears during the process so he would then thrash around for several minutes (unless I felt sympathetic) trying to free is teeth from the web that was his own hair. Now it is true I could have eliminated grooming, but every dog needs a bath sooner or later. And I attempted to get the groomer to leave out nail polish and bows, but there is a code of some kind that requires all poodle or poodle mix dogs to be decorated before leaving the shop. I don't know, you have to pick your battles, right?

So as I think of these two scenarios, I see hard headed, stubborn and perhaps slightly "touched" examples. On the plus side, they are persistent, will never give up, focused at all cost. On the down side they are perhaps lacking insight to the consequences of behavior that gives the same results despite the number of attempts made. Hard headed, stubborn, incorrigible, unteachable, unwilling souls that will not be changed. Sounds like some people I know, and even me! I have been associated with refusing help even when help is exactly what I needed. I have determined to change a behavior or situation and without much ado found myself right back in step with the comfortable yet unsuccessful pattern that is me:)

How do I change? Change is uncomfortable, yet usually yields the exact thing you are working toward. Change is difficult in that we have to work harder at learning new behavior so it may take time to get the results we want. It is very much like the athlete in training. At first you run a block, fall down and take 15" to recover. Soon you are up to three blocks and you are just really sweaty and smell bad. And if you keep going to eventually get your wind and viola, you are running a marathon............or a 5K. Whatever your goals, it is a good accomplishment. So basically we need to stop beating our beaks on closed doors, quit gnashing our teeth on the yucky stuff and change directions always moving forward, eyes set ahead.........no matter what the pace! The end result is you WILL win your race and it will in part be due to the same hard headed nature that kept you back at the chimney!

Jude 24-25

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Thankfulness

I think that it is a very difficult thing for some people to define. They say "of course I love most of the family", "of course I am happy I have a job", "of course I think it is great the football team is playing well". But really, is that all there is?
If you were going to die, and you had to think about what mattered most in life and after, would you list the same rhetoric from those everyday conversations, or would you dig deep and find the true answers to your life?
I like to think of life as ending immediately and handle it accordingly. Many family and friends think I am morbid, but the truth is I am ready to die. I am not afraid as I not only know what matters most after I die, but I believe I have lived to the "last day" in the best way I know how. That does not mean without mistake but with the goal of constantly being perfected in the walk.
For example, relationships. I am me, you get what you see, take it or leave it or be annoyed by it. This is the real deal. I know that I am to love others as I am loved by God. That takes the understanding that not everyone appreciates that love, but they need it just the same. They may be angered by that love, push it away, embrace it or beg for it. But by having true love it means that I must be willing to be rejected, even hated. It is not my cross but the One who sends me. He even warned us that division in friends and family would occur as a result of some of the exchanges. Summary, not everyone is going to like or want to hear the truth or warm up to the one who brings the message. Fortunately most do accept you, just as you are.
Work is another area that takes serious reflection. Are you in the job that is right for you or the one that fits your image of you....money, status, power. I am in this space in time right now. I am going to have to choose between two positions: a job that will have lots of possibility and power and leadership opportunity, but with that comes responsibility to judge rightly, increased accountability and ultimately much more time OR a position that is still full of accountability and responsibility but less stress, pay and time away from home. Since I do not seek to have lots of things in this life I have to determine which role is RIGHT for me and where I am to spend my days in this place in my life. Either will be a great job, either will bring an opportunity to grow, only one will be the best for me. God knows and I can count on direction to choose the right one.
And as for sports, really, does it have any impact on our daily or eternal lives? I don't think so. it is great when our teams win, but if they didn't would we be any less grateful? Shouldn't be, as the teams loss does not put us any further from our spiritual goals or personal relationships. We should be able to enjoy sports or recreation or hobbies but not be controlled by them or have the balance of our lives tied to them. They should be fun not the fuel for our existence.
So I am thankful that I have a God who has a plan and has found me, taken me in and is walking me to the promised land. I am thankful for those who walk along, walk beside and pull me through the short trip through this life. I am thankful that I am not the one who makes the greatest impact on others but am merely a vessel. I am thankful for you!

The Holidays are Here

Well they are here. Who knew they would arrive this quickly. Just last week it was 1962 and I was enjoying my unbendable Barbie doll. Next thing you know you have experienced some time travel event sending you light years into the future and you find yourself reaching not for a toy but for the heating pad...and they say that time travel can't happen. Who are they kidding.
I remember waking up to the sound of my mom clanging dishes in the kitchen and putting the turkey in the oven at 4 a.m. and it would cook until 3 p.m. I don't know what temperature the oven was at. I don't understand that whole 1960's deal as today I don't have to cook my birds that long, so what is that all about? Years of torture waiting for that turkey. It probably has scarred me and I should be in counseling or something. It could be the reason I am overweight, fear of starvation, or hoarding, or some such.
The turkey smell was overwhelming, throughout the house it was all you could smell. All day you thought of one thing, bird! And when you finally got to walk through the kitchen, stealing pieces off the cooked delight while waiting for the rest of the meal to finish, it was then you knew it was all worth waiting for. Oh sure, you got your hands slapped a few times, but really, how hard can your mom slap you when she has those oven mitts on and pans in both hands. Give it up mom!
When we sat down to eat, we were truly a family united. We have a great family, even today, as old as we are or claim to be:) We enjoy each other, and we care for each other. So rare now in many relationships, where self interferes. Never saw it in our parents or family. Self was never at our table or in our conversation. And it was a great thing to take away from the table, in that we are thankful not for self but for others!
I am thankful for my husband, son, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends. I am thankful the God who rescued me from a life in the mud and gave me life everlasting. I am thankful for the opportunity to live in a place where I can write what I feel and I am thankful for the promise of eternal life without pain, disability or sorrow. Isn't there a lot to be thankful for?
I am thankful for you, reading this now, even though I can't see you God can, so He knows who I am talking to. How cool is that! Happy Thanksgiving to YOU!

Jude 24-25

Going Down?

I am reminded that the end of life can often mirror the beginning. It may be sad to some, but to me the big advantage is you know what to expect. All of the things you saw or did as a wee lad or lass you are indeed going to do as a older than dirt man or woman. Not to worry, hopefully the middle of the road bunch will both remember their youth and be patient with your advanced age:) It is all good.

Since I am the baby, I know that I will have the pleasure of providing loving care and support to the elders and the old people. I am only slightly mindful that someone is going to have that same privilege, but not to worry since it is so very far in the distance. There are a few concepts that I will make note of for those of you not yet in the game.

Going down has an entirely different connotation. In babies we are talking about getting new foods to go down, or for formula to stay down. In elders things go down but often come back up. In the old people we are talking specifically about gravity. So rather than the short distance from mouth to intestine we are talking about upright to pavement. Indeed, going down is bad news. And of course getting up may require neighborhood participation and a pot luck, or a visit from your local fire department. While there are chairs to get you from sitting to standing, there do not seem to be any ground based devices to accomplish the same.

OOPS also can have an entirely different meaning, some frightening images come to mind. For example, a bathroom oops in an infant requires one to two handy wipes, while the same event in an old person may require several bath towels, a shower and complete change of clothes.....and occasionally professional house cleaning. WAY DIFFERENT than when I cared for my son even on a very bad day.

Another oops may be dropping the pills. Again, in a little person often we are talking liquids or suppositories. Very wonderful routes as there is very little confusion and certainly the size of the object is considerable. But pills, for old people, can number 10-15 or more. "I dropped my medicine" can mean one or all of the pills, and we have no idea for sure if any of them had been swallowed first. Where to begin, and how do we decide which ones to give again on the chance that some may not have reached the mouth. What might the outcome be to say three heart pills and no diabetes pills......hmmm

Then of course there is the ever present loss of the mind. Now as an infant or child, it is not that you can not remember what you are supposed to be doing, but that you have no idea at all what you are supposed to be doing. As an elder there is a gray area which vacillates between not knowing and not remembering. But when you are old, you can not remember why you are in the bathroom, which really should be a fairly sufficient clue in itself. The likelihood that you will arrive home from the store with anything you went for is really irrelevant at this stage, it is the fact that you arrived home and actually at least remembered to go to the store.

Things to look forward too. So for now, be grateful for whatever mind you have and definitely put on your "patience" as you are going to need it. And remember, eventually it is going to be you!

Philippians 1:1-6

Oh Pickles!

I had the privilege of being the baby, an only child and an underage aunt. My elder siblings are very old and so they were college bound and reproducing while I was still pursuing my 6th grade diploma. So it was no secret that indeed I was spoiled beyond belief, or so the elders will tell you. The fact that as they moved out I inherited anything left seems forgotten and thus my room became full of treasures. I can't lie, it was awesome.

Then came the little people, a niece and nephews that I had to be a role model to when I myself was just crawling out of my knee high socks and into my bell bottom pants and earth shoes. Tons of responsibility. But it did provide lots of practice in having children quote back what I had just said and realizing that some of the things were not that great for little ears. And it also caused me to think about what I was living, what I was practicing.

Then years later along came my son, who like all normal children, speaks constantly and included in his hours of didactics are quotes of the day from whomever he is around that day. And indeed, the regurgitation of conversations from friends, strangers and family on occasion leave a LOT to be desired. One thing that seemed to be rapidly adapted to was the use of slang or a profanity he would overhear at program from the young care takers or other clients. YIKES!

Just like the scene in The Christmas Story where the adorable young son blurts out a four letter expletive our precious baby appropriately replied to a question using a profanity that I knew he did not learn in our house. And just as quickly as the mother in the movie screamed and called the guilty parties mom, I was on the phone first to my husband and then to the program. A flurry of memos and apologies flew through the backpack and email and fortunately we have averted such a crisis again.

But one thing it caused us to do was to be sure that if our son needed it, he had a safe word to use for frustration. Pickles! They are fun, green but kind of icky tasting. My view, but I am sticking with it. SO now if he drops something, makes a mistake, etc he can be heard declaring "Oh Pickles!" which is usually followed by a giggle or a "that's silly". He has learned, at least in most cases, to find a little humor in frustration. Now I am the one learning from observation and when I forget and my ears turn red, my son will say "Mom, take a deep breath and count to 10. Oh Pickles".

Exercise

Today was one of those days where despite my best efforts I was going to get exercise. Oh it wasn't the formal gym type or even the jogging path, it was inflicted by my lack of grace and equally stunning ability to drop all retrieved items at least once. That is right, I kept dropping "the ball" so to speak. Before i left the house I was already approaching a 300 count of bending and reaching equal to toe touches of Presidential Physical Challenges of school days long gone by.

I remember in elementary school I couldn't do a single set of sit-ups and have never been able to do a pull up. And it was not related to weight but lack of coordination of my muscle groups. They seem to be on separate pages. Now I can play volleyball with a laser sharp serve and excellent setting and spiking skills. And so that was my sport of choice. I also attempted to play basketball, ran the wrong way; softball, couldn't run all the way and track; high hurdles which left me to fall all the way! Stick to what you do best right?

So in the remainder of the day I was reflecting on my extensive morning work out and began to think of all the ways I can drop things during the course of the day. Certainly solid items, papers, pens, shoes, dishes, but then there are those less tangible things that often are dropped without planning. Words, bad sentences, comments, opinions, dropped on innocent by standers with no preparation. Hopefully they recover quickly and no harm is done, but sometimes there is damage that is long lasting.

I came to consider the events of today on two levels, the visible and the invisible. The heard but unseen activities that happen everyday all day long! I think I arrived home unscathed and without inflicting harm. But I know some days I arrive home seriously injured by one of these verbal accidents, and I am sure I have unintentionally flung verbal debris at others sometimes. SO I thought it would be a good measure each day, before each interaction to consider my posture and prepare my words before they leave me so that the only thing exercised is my brain.....and perhaps my face as I smile:)

Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious,but a fool is consumed by his own lips. - Ecclesiastes 10:12

Freedom to Change

What will we pass on to those who follow? Do you ever wonder? We can look at history on a global level and see many great moments in time. Victory in war resulting in the freedom of slaves. Victory in war resulting in the defeat of Hitler and the freedom of Jews, and most of Europe! Victory in developing mechanical limbs giving freedom to those in wheelchairs. Victory in medicine giving freedom to those suffering chronic or terminal disease. We can pass on victory.

We can also pass on defeat. Failure in relationships leading to the inability to understand forgiveness. Failure in finances leading to the inability to support a family. Failure in careers leading to low self esteem and self worth. Failure in corporations leading to unemployment and for some poverty. Failure in communication leading to global tension and proliferation of extremist groups.

When we get down to the individual human level I believe we are individually responsible for our own behavior and decisions. There is no blaming mom, dad, siblings or others! It is impossible for some to be willing to accept that responsibility. It will always be someone else's fault we feel the way we do, look the way we do, act the way we do. But truth be told whose mother has ever sat and forced them to eat an entire case of ice cream. Except for Cybil and a few others probably not many. A slice of white cheese or a piece of fish, but then that is a normal portion, an attempt to get you to grow if not your weight at least in your taste.

When we look back at our family units, we may see patterns of victory or failure. These may be communicated in the family stories, behavior or expectations. We can also look at our own reflection and see what the bent of our life entails. But at this point we have a choice to change history. We can change it for the future generations. What would we change, and how would we change it? Instead of ill fated repetition of the past, what can we do to pass on better things for our children? Behaviors? Actions? Words?

I know that in many corporate pep rallies we hear that you can not keep repeating the same actions/words/behaviors and expect a different outcome. You will always melt the butter if you keep putting in a hot pan. So the decision is to stop, cold turkey. Make a change, make an effort, make a difference to those who follow. The same can be true in the daily life of individuals. Make a change to generational behaviors, actions, words in your family. Nip it in the bud. Treat each day as if it is a new life, one where you have the freedom to do something better for the generations to follow.


"For, dear brothers, you have been given freedom: not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to love and serve each other. For the whole Law can be summed up in this one command: 'Love others as you love yourself.' But if instead of showing love among yourselves you are always critical and catty, watch out! Beware of ruining each other. Galatians 5: 13-15 TLB

Beneath the Costume

I love dressing up. It is fun, and makes you feel special. I know that I stand taller and feel more confident just by wearing fancy clothes. I think that may be true for many people. I have spent my career working with people from all walks of life. Rich or poor, one thing is true, that once they are in the issued hospital attire, they are all the same, vulnerable. I think this may be true everyday but our costume of outer wear hides that condition.

I was privileged to provide care within a prison unit. Now, there is no doubt that there are all kinds of frightening or horrible people in prisons, but there are also some that simply made bad decisions, choices that may have seemed rational at the time. What was true was that we were not privy to the reason for their incarceration. So you had 20 or 30 inmates and you had no idea what brought them to prison, only what brought them to the hospital.

The "blinder" effect is one that allows you to give equal care with compassion to all. You do not know if you are dressing a wound to a murderer or a bad check writer. No clue by way of the hospital record. But what if you knew what they did? How would you change your approach, your conversation, your care? Would you change or could you continue to care for their human needs without reservation?

Occasionally you would find out. Behavior towards the inmates could be seen changing in the staff right before your eyes. It was like watching a dogs hair bristle. Suddenly their years of nurses training to provide compassionate care were laid aside for another kind of care. Perhaps it was vengeance, justice or fear that motivated the change but it definitely was noticeable. And the inmates could see it too.

Problem is, we were not there to pass sentence, that had been done. We were there to meet their needs. And like any patient in a gown, we were not there to inflict any additional punishment, but simple compassionate care. It is an interesting test of character, much like that game where there are people in a lifeboat and you have to decide who to throw over board to survive. How do you choose, what is the measure of the man, or woman? How do we know they have not or will not change? What if the wonderful secretary becomes a hardened criminal, or the mass murderer becomes a devoted prison minister? How do we know? We don't.

So I guess the thought for today is: be sure to treat everyone equal, no one better or worse, everyone with the potential to change, everyone naked and vulnerable beneath what ever clothes they are wearing in public. We are definitely more alike then unalike, the only difference may be the costume we put on in the morning.

Age of Innocence

Remember when you thought chocolate milk came from brown cows, or that Santa was real? Ooops. Sorry to spoil that for you but all milk is white:) The point is there was a time when things were believable. When you are older and you believe something silly it is called ignorance, but when you are young it is called innocence. I think we should be able to have that measure of grace our entire lives. I have many friends who for whatever reason believed something completely ridiculous way into their adult years.
For example, I was told by my Great Uncle Francis that he lost his arm to a rabid chicken. At the age of 5, having never been exposed to a live, unfried chicken, who would question it. Especially when you are looking into the face of an old man with those large, brown eyes belonging to an old man with one arm? Wearing coveralls? He clearly was a farmer, had worked in the chicken coops, why would he make up such things? Adults don't lie. And there it is again, innocence.
Innocence thinks the best things about people, no matter what. Innocence wants to believe in and find hope in the eyes of the person in front of them. Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it is not even in the building. But innocence gives everyone an equal chance to prove or disprove them self. When we prejudge others, we may miss either a really good story, or the truth.
Now this is not to say that we do not want to have wisdom, but that does not imply judgement. It just means that, for instance, that if you were 35 when you heard the rabid chicken story you may say to yourself, a human being out weighs the average chicken 100 to 200 x's. So even if the chicken was rabid, a grown man would be able to say hit it with a stick or lock it in a coup prior to it pecking the mans arm off. Wisdom would tell you this, innocence would lead you to ponder this and ignorance, like rust, would not be able to find any interest what so ever.
So how did my great uncle lose an arm? He got it caught in an auger where he was trapped for hours before somebody realized he was not back from the field. And oh yeah, they had a hard time getting it out. I gotta be honest, as a child or an adult I think I like the chicken story a bit better.
So just like in everyday life, innocence also allows us to freely accept unconditional love. Wisdom would say unconditional love is truth while ignorance will spend eternity looking for an angle or scam. Mark 10:15

Three things to remember

I love when I am having one of those days. The kind where you drive to your destination only to recall as you egress from your vehicle that you are not going to work, as you are unemployed, but that you are going to the grocery store. Or when you drive to church only to recall it is Thursday and you are supposed to be picking up your child from school due to early release . And then there is the most routine pho pah. I arrive at the store, purchase $86.91 worth of groceries and arrive home having forgotten the ONLY thing on the list:)

So to escape the "white coats" headed to take me away I attribute these things to a plethora of defects such as my advanced age, my recent head injury, the fact that I live with a man or that I am a mother. Depending on the day these cover most plausible excuses. I do have a selection I save for special occasions, but that will be another post I am sure. For a price I might even be willing to provide the entire list of reasons why I have missed the mark.

I try to stay oriented. For those who are home based employees full time, such as parents, care givers or the terminally unemployed I admire your ability to appear as if you are aware of the correct day, date and season. It is not like the stores help as they place Christmas decorations out in September. The TV shows are the same every day so I assume that you can guess the time but really, doesn't the View look and sound the same everyday? All that chatter so little substance. I truthfully need a Microsoft calendar alarming for each event and a time clock that tells me the correct date and time. I have resorted to programming my cell phone to beep when I am supposed to be somewhere or do something. Did I mention I had a head injury?

So my goal is to remember three things: Where I am going. This has succeeded with sticky notes and phone cues as well as regular reminders from my son "No Mom, we are going to therapy, remember?" What I am doing. I have gotten up mid program walked down the hall and am stumped as to the reason. It could be any of a dozen things depending on what room I end up in to which I loudly exclaim "Come on!" So I give up and just do anything that comes to mind:) Why I wake up. It is often to go to the bathroom, which is good. But even when I can't remember what the day holds, I wake up to see my favorite people and see them off to enjoy a great day. So as long as I don't miss that the rest will hopefully fall into place.

The Rest of the Story

My dad has said this at least as long as Paul Harvey, if not longer. I think about this all the time. Have you ever had a conversation and you hear "A" side of the story. It may be entirely convincing, filled with all of the juicy details that would cause Whoopie to get excited and sit on the edge of her seat and cause Barbara to start digging for dirt. Has to be true, how could you look at those eyes and not believe the tale right?

I find that almost always there are significant GAPS in the product of the speakers mind. Gaps in details, comments, actions, events and players. Gaps in the things that led up to or happened in the past. It really is a one sided edition and is the theme of stories picked up by Enquirer who fill in the holes with pictures of dinosaurs and three headed women from China. If you take a moment to THINK, you quickly know it can not possibly be all there is to the story. I mean really, when is the last time you saw a three headed woman from any Eastern country in the United States?

I usually am most driven to consider this when conflict is in the air. Peoples memories fail, just like when witnessing a robbery, the memory of details changes over the course of hours and days. Pretty soon the tall white man in a dark suite driving a motorcycle is a medium build older man driving an Escort. Might of been a homely woman now that you think of it......hmmmmm

So knowing that to be the rule more than the exception, conversations should happen with both parties. Separately is good if possible to see how the tales align, or not. A wise charity in our community has people seeking bus fare tell their story to three different people. Those three then compare the information to see if is consistent or not with truth. If it is they are on their way...somewhere. If it isn't well they are on their way out.

So the next time someone comes a yelling, listen, then consult the other party to see what is truth and what is emotion. Sift through what was said or done, and what each THOUGHT was said or done. Seek out the "rest of the story" and you won't be prone to unruly gossip, or unrighteous anger. Many a good relationship is wasted to the heaps of half truths and misunderstandings.

Proverbs 18:17 "Any story sounds true until someone tells the other side and sets the record straight."

It's All Good

Perspective is everything. A little project can turn into a full blown home remodel. Not what you were planning on, not on the schedule, not the right tools or the right pieces and I don't care what you say, it is never in the budget you planned on. So you are doing a good deed you think, and going to replace a simple ceiling fan. You get a new one, it is nice and not out of budget nor will it require you to buy new furniture to match it:) It is just right.

Then you remove the old fan. It comes down without a care. From this moment on nothing will be as expected. It won't even be conceivable at points. You will find yourself repeating over and over in your head "Lord give me grace!!" This intermingled with 3000 "You have got to be kidding me" and 200 "I can not believe this!" By the time you are done you will have completed enough repetitious phraseology to resemble a rosary script.

Now it is no mystery that life throws a curve ball now and again. And it seems that the big stuff can be easier to deal with because we can identify it as, well, BIG! You are not perplexed as it is clear that the BIG situation is going to require total trust in the Creator and you will have no control over it. But these simple, somewhat tiny issues, these are the ones that can throw a wrench in your day causing you to completely forget that even in the daily grind you are not in control. Of anything. Ever! Period!!.

And it won't be until the last missing bolt for the fan is found and the home made jerry rigs are done that you will be able to reflect on your experience and recognize that all your mental tantrums were for nought. You were not in control anyway. God knew what you were going to get into and the only reason you got out was because He let you. You see no matter what you face, it is all good! It always was and it always will be. It may not be apparent when you start, but it will finish and you will accomplish just what was needed for YOU to learn to lean.

Wearing the Uniform

Ever have one of those days (years) where no matter where you go or what you do it is covered by a cloud? Today is such a day. So the day starts off innocently enough, but then goes south, past Brazil and possibly to the geographical center of Antarctic. The physician treating me is worried about his money, understood, as it is part the treatment for a car accident. The referring physician doesn't want to write for continuation of the part of treatment that's working but is very willing to go for the ones that don't. The consulting physician forgot to write for any treatment. The surgicenter for my sons procedure has called to tell me they have not gotten clearance and approval for payment from any of his three health plans. And my mother fell (she is sore but good) and I know this because I stopped to help them find their lost checkbook. I walk in seeing my dad is sitting about 2 feet away from her in a dining room chair, staring. Did I say ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH yet? I am sure I did, I have been thinking it for some time.

Well, I know that God is in control, no doubt about it. I know that we are under attack, nothing new under the sun. I am given just what I need to deal with the situation. Okay, got the big bases covered. But my weakly flesh is pooped out. The good news, I found the old peoples checkbook right where I told them it was. "But the numbers are wrong, we can't use them if the numbers are wrong." So I reassure them that they will not go to jail or have their account closed if they use them out of order. So I also demonstrated that while the top check in their old book was number 17, that it was followed by 18-20, which would mean, yes in deedy, that the first check in the next book, #21, is the CORRECT book. I jest and the wonder when it will be that I too will forget simple steps to problem solving, like counting.

I am still waiting to see what will happen with all the docs and all the notes to be written and the insurance approval to get coverage for my little mans procedure. Which means, unfortunately, that I will have to answer the phone Monday. So what will I do to prepare? I will put on the uniform. I will smile, be patient, calm and speak respectfully. I will say please and thank you. I will cry in the bathroom or while muting the phone and fix my face before I go back for another round. I will be hopeful that everything will be resolved, that the letters will be obtained for therapy, that authorization will be received for surgery, that my parents will remain upright and that I will remember to be grateful for the process.

Epheisans 6:10-18

Change .....

I can remember the television I used to watch. I thought I was the Queen of the Dakotas with my 27" black and white television in the day room. And it had 3 channels to choose from. In those days it was always a great adventure to go see an old train or dinosaur statue. WOW! Those were simpler times when we had little crime and the worst thing that happened on campus was gum and sleeping in class. Teacher ratios were 20 to 1 and a tour at the historic bus cost 10 cents. We won't even go to what it cost for super out or an ice cream cone.

Today change happens just waking up. We see the world view has changed, the need for constant stimulation is a change and the focus of a humans attention seems to have shifted from others to self. So when it is time to plan for my son to transition for junior high to high school I am freaked out by change on so many levels. Lets just consider what I observed today that has caused me anxiety that will cause me to self medicate if I think about it too long.

The school size is 1800 not 640..the class size on average is 40 with 1 instructor...the common language is what used to be considered slang and which at one point was not even included in Websters with a formal definition but now is defined and printed on tee shirts. The clothes themselves are by definition immodest but by school policy do not expose certain body areas so must be permitted. I couldn't wear pants until I was in 9th grade!!! I played in the snow in a dress for a mandatory 20 minute period twice a day below zero or not! CHANGE!

I see a lot of great opportunity at high school however I see a lot of issues or concerns in supervision, safety and the over use of "we have never had an incident" phrase. I must remind everyone that it only takes one to significantly change your world view. And my son will be in the mix for change, both wonderful and challenging. And, and, and......I could go insane with concerns and fears about change. But at the end of the day when everyone has arrived home safely I remember that at the beginning of the day I put my son, husband, family and friends safety in the hands of the ONLY ONE who has control or ability to protect and change the course of life. So tomorrow I need to change, and perhaps start by recalling Who is in control, Who has power and Who will be with my son, husband, family and friends.

Jude 24-25

History

Ever have a conversation or argument or laugh that you think you have before? Matter of fact you are certain you have been on this merry go round many times? History. It is true that history repeats itself. Things that have happened in the past will most assuredly happen again if people or situations don't change. Good or bad, we can ride the same ride over and over. What we choose to do with those rides is up to us.

A good laugh is a wonderful thing. You tell a joke that gets a great laugh and you can use it every where you go as an ice breaker or to make someones day or you can even tell it to someone with memory problems and they will think it is new each time they hear it. That might sound unkind, but some of the old people have a short cycle and can be entertained by the same joke or concerned about the same issues several times a day! It's true. The benefit is you don't have to come up with so many new things to talk about when you visit. But the advise would be to have some backup material on the ready so you are prepared for a seasoned audience.

A conversation can be a wonderful thing the first time around and if you are me possibly even as enjoyable the second time around:) While I am not old, I do have a hitch in my memory that causes a few gaps in the synapses leaving a chasm for information to get lost in. The good thing about this is I am great person to confide in as I will almost certainly forget what you tell me. The bad thing is you may have to tell me again to get it back in the "loop". What gets bad, annoying, down right crazy is having the same discussion time on end. it never changes, the players are the same, the topic is the same and there is never a change or solution because it never matures. It is stunted like the growth of a chain smoking 7 year old. It is going no where.

An argument can be resolved immediately if both parties will step back, review and compromise. But when one refuses to share the load or puts their foot down to discussion the situation will never change. And just like you can't repeat a process and expect a different solution, you can't expect a situation to improve if everyone involved does not share in the responsibility of change. It is like driving your car on a tank of gas until the red light comes on and you get stranded on the side of the road. If you never decide to add gas before the light comes on or when the light comes on you will always end up on the side of the road. Advise to you, wear good walking shoes:)

So what can we observe about history. It is good to have a laugh or two. That has stood the test of time. Discussions or conversations can be enjoyable as long as they are nurtured and matured, able to move on and grow into other topics. Only then can progress in relationships personal or professional be moved to a more in depth or trusting level. Arguments while painful can bring about great change if each party will share in the responsibility and be willing to make change or compromise to reach a mutual respect and understanding. And what is great is it can all be done with a good laugh and some healthy conversation!

Morning

I think many days morning comes hours ahead of schedule. You go to bed at 8 or 11 and wake up equally tired. What is that about? And I am not a morning person by nature. I think if coffee had been approved for infants my baby bottles would have been filled with it. I don't like noise in the morning or talking. And for anyone who knows me this would seem a severe contradiction in known characteristics or behavior.

I had the great fortune to go on a singles retreat many years ago. Now the pastor of our group was a true sanguine through and through. He bubbled cheerfulness and energy from the moments his eye lids twitched in the morning. I do not have this same sunny disposition for at least the first hour of my day but am capable of running that perky nature clear into the wee hours of the night. This is the "me" that the world sees.

The retreat started with loads of fun and we were up late the first night. No problem there. But when dawn came, I was now about to expose my true morning side. This came as shock to many as they observed me staggering down the path to the shower and then into the mess hall straight for COFFEE. As I was making this pilgrimage to the elixir of all energy, the pastor, like an Energizer bunny, came running up to me full of morning solicitations at a volume only suited for elementary children. When all he got was a foggy stare, he suddenly had the epiphany I had been hoping for. "You are not a morning person! I never would have guessed it!"

Now that could have and would have been the most desirable end to the conversation but he was so delighted to see this other side of me that he was compelled to go on and on about the wonder of my dark side. It would be several minutes before he realized I was not yet in simpatico with the glory of a new day. His expression changed and he excused himself apologizing for his extended morning greeting. I shuffled back to my hut and began my morning ritual. By the time I would appear again I would be a changed person. Miss Hyde to my morning Jekyll.

Whenever I recall this I am reminded that others who have one persona may well be hiding a secret alter ego. Someone who is completely different from the public being you know. The controlling person at work may have no control at home. The moody person at the store may be the exemplar of joy in their safe zone at home. The quiet, shy being at the board meeting may have no trouble sharing deep thoughts in their safe zone. So it could be that first impressions are not all they are cracked up to be. And it could stand to reason that not everything is as it appears on the surface. And it is ever so possible that while I am not yet ready for any noise of any kind yet at this predawn hour, I am quite able to converse silently on a blog sharing yet another observation of my 40 something life. Bottoms up!