What Have You Done?

What Have You Done?

by Judy Gates - Friday, 28 September 2018, 11:25 PM

For the third time today she called me to come back to her apartment. She had 'unprogrammed' the television remote again and was angry, threatening to leave her assisted living facility. I came in, slammed the door and went straight to the tv. Frustrated, I picked up the oversized remote, punched the keys and laid it down by her chair. I turned around and plopped down on the sofa. The soft, plush fabric under my fingers was almost calming. I rubbed it while I tried to not sound as frustrated as I felt when I talked to her.

She cut me off before sound came out of my mouth and proceeded to tell me how she was angry I tricked her into moving, took away her car and now she was going to walk out the door. She was not making eye contact but staring at the door and grinding the bridgework in her mouth. 

I looked around the room. It was a beautiful apartment for which I had bought almost all new furniture. I was envious in some ways. I looked silently at the picture of my dad and silently wondered what he would tell me to do. I could smell the popcorn from the game room down the hall which permeated the building every afternoon. That actually was making me hungry. I was thinking I could grab some on the way out. 

We sat silent for a bit and I finally decided I would go. She started at the beginning again, yelling about her life situation. 'What have you done to me?' She did not understand why she couldn't live alone, why I was locking her up. She stood up as if she was going to walk out the door behind me, lost her balance and nearly tripped over her shoes which she had taken off after the last time I had come back. She sat back down, wringing her hands, lips tight. She never took her eyes off the door. 

It was clear there would be no way to resolve this mood. I walked over to her tv, turned on the weather channel so she could hear the music, kissed her on the cheek and left. Guilt and failure followed me home. I was crying at the  overwhelming hostility and anger from her. I called to check on her about an hour after I got home. She was playing BINGO

JLG 9.28.18