A Wonderful Life

Who knew that bell bottom pants would go out of style then come back. And platform shoes? Really, no one could walk on them the first time and yet they have soared back into fame. And then there is that disco music. We were just laughing the other day as we realized that some of our current favorite movies or shows win that affection because of the tunes or lifestyle portrayed. We remember younger days, and seemingly better ones. We turn off the tube with a sigh and a smile. Just walking through the grocery store the other evening they were playing all the popular 80's music. People were singing and toe tapping down every aisle. Ha Good times.
When I look at the entire aging process it really mirrors these moments. The current times maybe look too complicated, or busy so you regress to those younger more active days in your mind. While there is nothing wrong with the present, we all seem to enjoy most of it. We all find some comfort in looking at old pictures, times when there were fewer complications to living daily.
So as I sit across from my father during his 83rd birthday, my mom by his side, I see memories of better days, good times. Watching him talk and tell stories he basks in the light of the good old days,times in the service, all the planes he has flown, times of travel and times with his family. While he doesn't always remember us now, he knew us when and he is happy with those memories. They make him chuckle,and cause him to recall other fun times or conversations.
This could cause me to despair, but I could not be happier because he has indeed had a great life, lived a long time and enjoys the memories of days gone by. I have annoyed people for years with my camera but I am so glad I did. I have so many pictures of those good old days and he recognizes many of those times. I have even copied old pictures from his childhood. Good stuff. So what have I learned from this season? Time goes by fast, and while we are so busy running to keep up it is those quieter or simpler times that we will reflect on. Think about it, after being married 20 years we reflect on our youth, dating, falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and the birth of our dear son. Those are wonderful memories and I am so glad that I will be able to look back with the same pleasure as my father.....I have had a great life, lived a long time and enjoyed all those days gone by. Good times:-)

Sunday Best

As I begin each day I spend a great deal of time getting clean, groomed, decorated and properly clothed. This to go to work, where I will sweat, be in constant contact with unmentionables and certainly will collect a stain or two to my hand picked outfit. By the end of the day make up is no longer in it's original location or state, but rubbed about to highlight less desirable features. All in a days work.

What is the benefit of this morning ritual? The first few people think I look very nice, but by mid-day they think I look tired and as I egress to the car some ask if I feel okay. And this causes me to chuckle as some days I am not sure myself. But all in all I don't mind the disheveled condition in which I leave work as I feel it is worth the mess. It feels good.

Then there are those times where I don't want to paint the barn or put on the dry cleaned outfits. I want to just relax, be comfortable. This is nice, but upon reflection, it may appear that I am placing less effort for one activity more than others. This can cause observers to say that it appears one group of people is more important than others. I make less effort for some. Hmmm.

And what about Sunday? I grew up in a liturgical world. Dresses, hats, gloves, shiny leather shoes and proper manners. Sears Finishing School, I know where all the silverware goes and what it is used for. I made the most charming appearance upon attending those great houses of worship. The question would be for whom did I dress? And this got me thinking about all the other times I do or don't "dress". Where should my focus be?

Truly I need to start dressing from the inside out, not the top to bottom or utilizing war paint....not saying I don't need it, just shouldn't be the first coat or project so to speak. What is my motivation for the day, who has my focus and what do I want to be seen by others when I exit the preparation room? I think it needs to always start in the heart, looking for the reflection of my actions, then the mirror for necessary repairs. And if I indeed have the proper focus for the day, I will desire to honor others with my spiritual, emotional and physical appearance. That does not mean designer jeans or zillion dollar handbags, but cloths that are modest. Then I can assure my hair is in a kept style and just a tad of accents if it is pleasing to those I should please first in the world, family. And I know that if I dress in this order, putting on my Spiritual Sunday Best first, everything else will fall in to place. Despite the day or the number of stains I will have the glow that only comes from getting dressed in the right order.

Romans 13:12-14

Memories..........

Memories, those things that are entertaining and over time become even more so as they evolve into new, enhanced memories. Those of you who have been around older folks might have seen this phenomena. A story losses details and gains details and suddenly it is a completely new story. Best part, no one knows that the elements have been changed so you are able to hold the audience captive with the same intensity as when they were first told, version 1.1.

As we have watched this stage in life unfold we are seeing bits of the present disappearing and more of the past becoming a bit cloudy. And for most of it, only we recognize these changes. But every once in awhile he remembers that he can't remember, which upsets him. Then he sees a bird and he has instantly forgotten what he remembered he forgot. I see glimmers of this in my life already. I wonder some day will I be remembering a different reality? This would not be all bad, but most of my real life has been exceptional.

So for me it has always been pictures. I have thousands of pictures, literally. Books, boxes and now discs and hard drives. I don't won't to miss a thing. I believe I got this from my parents. I am so grateful for this annoying yet perfectly divine habit. I have pictures of everything; first swim, first cake, first camping trip, first concert, first car, first job, first school, first (only) husband, first son, first house, and on and on and on. Wonderful. I have piled through these memories on a few occasions this past year and a half with the unexpected loss of a cousin, loss of a dear nephew, the stroke of my father and the graduation of our son. Other moments we have enjoyed spending time in the years of memories from pictures of my husbands family and mine, remembering wonderful times, and we are left smiling.

So I have found that by writing books with pictures instead of words I am able to restore order to some memories for my dad and will be preserving memories for me. When opportunities arise we can reunite with family and be able to show them every moment missed. We can share with friends and entertain them with stories of our lives. And hopefully we will not drift too far off the facts, but when we do, we trust we will be as entertaining as in our more reliable and fact filled presentations.

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time” Friedrich Nietzsche

First Steps

I do not remember my first steps. I hear that I wanted to do it all myself, all the time. Not much has changed there. Everyone who knows me describes me with friendly words like independent, creative, confident, strong, when they are really thinking stubborn, headstrong, and pushy. You didn't think I knew what you meant, right? Ha, it's okay, I may have had those same thoughts about some of you:-)

But as I have been reflecting over my current situation, I realize that I could not be meeting all of the needs and expectations if I wasn't all of those things above. And it is all good. But I have found that when I struggle the most it is when I do not allow others in, or accept help. Then I saw this old picture. Suddenly I saw a large cast in what appears to be an event isolated and independent of the planet. "Ah Ha" I said. And yes I do really say that!

How many people or how many years did it take for two or three men to get to skip on the moon? 1000's! Those required to sell the idea, acquire funding, manage funding, design the suits and the shuttle, build and arm the ship, electronics and life support systems, teachers, counselors, trial run and trainers. Crazy. So then how on earth can I expect to provide car to so many people if I do not let others in, share my needs and accept their gifts? I can not.

I will drop dead as I have threatened to do for years! But it will not be because I am at the ripe old age and place in life to do that, but because I pushed too hard and too long without the support and love of others. Thank GOD for others! A prime opportunity presented just this morning. I have met a friend for breakfast at 7 a.m. every Saturday for years. And she listens intently to my plans and tasks, then calmly says so "What can I do to help?" "What day will you like me to take off?" "You are doing too much and you need my help. I want to help!"

Wow, what a great friend. And how humbling to know that others see me so much more clearly than I see myself. Good thing too. I was told just the other day that I was not aloud to leave for any reason, and that included death! I hope that I can remain willing and open to accepting help. And I hope that those who offer it know how truly grateful I am, even though I might be a bit pushy, stubborn and headstrong:-)

Are you Listening?

It has been an interesting time with the progression of my fathers dementia. He is a different man in many good ways, so we will focus on those for now. Growing up my father served in the military as a pilot. The only thing he ever wanted to do was fly. He worked at a theater making a dime a night and did odd jobs including giving people rides, carrying pregnant women up stairs at the the little two story "hospital" and much more all for the end goal of making a nickle and taking a flying lesson.

And fly he did, everywhere, in anything with engines and wings. He has a million stories to tell about his youth, his service and the two flying careers that followed. And over our lifetime we have heard them soooooo many times already. But now they are taking on new meaning. And I would go so far as to say that we have learned a bit about the value of a good tale. We may have passed on some story fests or only given half of our attention when we were younger, but now we are hanging on every word. History, purpose, humor, dad!

And what has surprised me is that as his details get a little mixed up I actually know some of the "original" facts. I must have listened a bit more than I was aware. In addition I am seeing that my father, who used to only socialize as a result of work requirements, is enjoying his new found audience. These unsuspecting beings are like chocolate to dad. He LOVES someone to come make his bed or help him get dressed as there is always a tale or two he can share. And don't get him started on his picture books. Those are awesome. He shows them to me like they are new every visit and that is just fine. I'm taking notes.

The best part? He is happy, and he has a million stories to tell and lots of new folks to tell them to. He waves at people walking by. He lights up with the least bit of attention. And when we go to visit, he pulls out the picture book to show us his new book, and I am all ears.

Lessons from the Throne

Okay, there is no where this blog can go but down the toilet on this one. Today I thought about the subtle changes that impact life as I sat down on an unsecured porcelain seat?! Hmmmm

Well anyway as I sat down for what I thought was a simple task I was treated to a small amusement ride, absolutely free of charge. I recovered without event and without attracting any sign of alarm from whomever was knocking constantly at the door. Etiquette 101: If once you have knocked and the door is still locked, ...you can continue to pace knowing someone just isn't done.:-)

The rest of the day was uneventful until I arrived home and well, you know I am 50! So I visited my clean and relaxing loo with a deep sigh of relief only to discover that my own seat was a bit loose. Nothing like the earlier event, but still a little wobble was noted. I began to ask myself a couple of questions that took me on one of my bunny trails, so here it is.

I began to wonder how that perfectly tightened bolt became loose, and eventually completely unwound. And without really being noticed until it was several revolutions from sound. This made me think about our own lives. Subtle changes cause us to slowly lose focus, and can eventually derail us completely leaving us to spin recklessly off the security of the "throne". It is frightening how my little mind wanders isn't it?

I often think I have a plan and I am committed to it, focused, never gonna quit or give in. Then like that small plastic toilet seat bolt, I start to turn around, looking everywhere but my target. I either have to stop and "get a grip" or I will end up spinning wildly until I am falling onto a dirty, smelly tile floor. Thought provoking and yet so true!

And what about the rider? Have you ever imagined what impact or effect you have on others who are relying on you to stay true? If we loose our hold on the task others go slip sliding away with us. Wow, who knew this could all come from porcelain?

So as I start my next big project I am going to remember that little bolt. I am going to remember to hold on tight, stay focused and avoid those less than desirable pitfalls that leave you unsatisfied and stained by the, well, you know. And since this is one of those analogies that I will frequently be reminded of I think there is a chance I will remember this one!

Lucy

I can honestly say that of all the reading I have done, the Chronicles of Narnia are my favorites. Every time I have read them I am at a different place in my life, or had a situation present that is reflected in the characters and stories. C. S. Lewis was one great observer of life!

I would like to think I could be the loyal Reepicheep who is small, mighty and unflappable. Well, anyone who knows me knows that is not ANYTHING like me........After all I am TALL :-) and he is, after all, a mouse or rodent of some kind. I am no longer strong, but wimpy with a sore shoulder, wrist, hip, ankle and I no longer am able to keep my mind calm with changes. I am a real disaster. Ha!

I occasionally see a bit of Susan in me, but not often. Foo-foo and all things frilly have never had my attention...mostly because they are not often in my size:-) Edward and Peter are tried and true kings, both tested and steadfast....with some normal brotherly combat from time to time, but never forsaking their family or their king! They have focus on the final prize.

So that brings me to Lucy. I so want to walk with that simple faith, willingness to see/admit my flaws and then move on, not hold on to anything. Just letting go and following the prize. She is the most spiritually free of the children. Not Woodstock free but no guilt, innocent, no remorse, total trust free! She is Mary choosing to sit at the feet of the king instead of Martha losing focus over spring rolls and table cloths and the number of house guests who have showed up for supper.

As I write this I think of my week. What will I focus on, what will get done and what will have to get tossed onto the someday list. What will I be concerned about that I can change now and what will I need to hand over, trusting the King to deal with. Hmmm There are really big things that I would like to fix, but know I can not. I have to let the King work....will I be able to let those things go? What would Lucy do?

She would talk to the great Aslan, He would give her an answer and she would move on, trusting her King had her best interest in mind. I will let you know how it goes and if I am actually able to keep my mind free, untangled, not trying to solve the worlds or my dilemmas but letting the Masters Hand take care of every tiny detail!

New Beginnings

I love a NEW year. It is a chance to start new, fresh. A blank slate so to speak. Now that being said, there are some things that I like to carry forward as reminders or memories of lessons learned. Good, bad or just nuts it is a wonderful opportunity to learn from the past and apply to the future.

As I visit my social network, I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends, getting to know family better and sharing thoughts or events with those who, like you, are willing to read them. As I have reflected today I have laughed over old times and thanked God I have grown. I have been humbled by those things which were painful or brought sorrow to me or my family or friends. And of course some things are just there, unable to be framed as there is still unfinished or unresolved business.

That being said, it is normal I think to end an old year in this manner, with a list of the years pros and cons, good and bad. And if we are planning for new year resolutions, it is good to have a list to start from. No sense repeating any finished work, or worse still, undoing completed work. For me it is the challenge of letting go of what I can not change and fully embracing those things I can or should.

So, I can imagine that everyone who knows me would love to make suggestions on what I should focus on in 2011. Thank you in advance for your input! I tend to be the one who wants to do it all and I want to do it now! Is there a problem with this? I have friends who for years have told me they are not sure how I cover all my bases, get it all done, run in circles. Well, I am finally thinking I am not so sure I do get all my bases covered WELL. I do many things but don't always get to give each of them the attention I would desire or that they deserve.

So the first thing I think may help me and others is to:

1. Make a list of all required activities and time involved
2. Make a list of all optional/volunteer activities and time involved
3. Make a list of all daily chores and time involved
4. Make a list of most important people, most to less most?!
5. Make a list of how many waking hours are available every day

NOW, on a blank weekly calendar fill it in.....run out of space? I already have and I am not done blogging! Ha. Where did you put "me" time, prayer time, laundry, family dinner, husband, parents, friends, work.....it is really hard. I want everyone in the top box but as I age (I said it, I am aging!) I am finding more value or desire for some things and willing to spend much less energy on others. Perhaps it is because I know some things I can never fix, but a few things I may be able to impact. I must focus there.

I have a lot of work to do on my list this weekend, but I will have it done by Monday. I have put it on my required list! I want to live more intentionally this year, enjoy more laughing this year, get to know family and dear friends even better and serve in the RIGHT place, not just any place. Phew! Think there is any hope for me? I hope so as I tire easier, am slightly less resilient then in my youth and well, I am cranky sometimes, a totally new thing for me. Don't over think this as I am SURE it will pass in a year or 10 :-)

So hormones and age aside, I hope that you will walk with me this year. I truly enjoy my family and friends. I think you all rock and I am constantly inspired to grow, be better in my daily walk. I recall a famous (humerous) quote which reflects how I feel as I learn from some of you. I am thinking that many of you feel the same about me!

"It may be an unwise man that doesn't learn from his own mistakes but it's an absolute idiot that doesn't learn from other people's" Frasier 1996

Sticktuitiveness

It is rare to hear of married couples lasting more than ten or fifteen years anymore. My parents are such a great example of Sticktuitiveness. 62 years. 62! I think of how many people I know that have married and since divorced. Not all relationships can be restored, but many don't try. I am not anywhere near 62 years old, but I have been around the block so I can tell you that an alarming 50+% of my peoples have not made it to the finish line. Whether it was one or both, the end was declared, the white flag tossed, the crayons divided.

Is it any wonder that we fail at so many of the other lesser commitments we make? Marriage is the most important so it would seem that losing weight or cleaning out the garage doesn't stand a chance. Right? I ponder this a lot. If a promise to a human can not be kept, is there any hope that we will leave the Ding Dong on the shelf? I say probably not. After all we are talking chocolate....And if we measure our integrity when dealing with people verses say, television, is there a noticeable difference in who wins, showing preference for family over football?

I am not saying that football is bad, but if it means dissing the spouse, kids or a friend in crisis, what are we saying is our choice for intentional living? I am truly committed to ....say.....love my spouse? Never miss Survivor? Always putting down the remote to read to my child? Driving to a friends at 2 in the morning to help in a time of need? When you read it or write it, the decision seems pretty simple, but I think application is the key. And if we are not faithful in the real things,God and people, why would we expect different outcomes in the New Years resolutions such as quitting soda pop or licking that 2 pack a day gum habit.

Sticktuitiveness. We all need some more superglue in our yes or no. When we say yes, let it be and if we nod no, let it be no. Don't be a flip flopper, like some politicians we know. Don't let your words say one thing and your actions say another. Even when you are not having fun, when it is hard or boring, stick with it. The outcome is always good, the reward is even better. And we can not do it just some of the time, as this is a daily effort. I said it, effort. Takes work, commitment and love to have a perfect outcome. So you should log off of the blog, turn off the TV and listen intently for 5 minutes to your spouse, friend or child as they tell you something important about them.

Utter Joy

Though we are often running in circles day and night, the best part is when we are together. My family brings me joy! I love being around them. I enjoy sitting back and watching people. One of my favorite places is at the mall. Families and best friends come out in flocks to seek the prize, the perfect gift. And around the holidays much can be observed in those endeavors.

The hand-holding, the giggles, the smiles and laughter as folks stroll in and out of stores adding bags to their load. People begin listing by mid-day. Or there are those that are tense, arguing about what gift, how much to spend or how much time it is taking to find the right purchase for each relative or friend. The holiday music seems to have no impact on their mood. These folks would not appreciate the Flash Concerts in the mall.

I ponder the motivation for each cluster of shoppers that pass by. What is it that has the world up in arms this one time a year? And are they this thoughtful the other 364 days of the year? Do they shop out of heart-felt affection or obligation? Do they resent the task or find utter joy in it? Would they give a friend a Starbucks gift card just because or only if they are required to?

I know that in a small way most people want to find a way to show how special a person is or how much they love them. They want to find a gift that will not be returned but enjoyed by the lucky recipient. Then there are those who may be purchasing out of guilt, trying to appease or restore a fractured tie. They may even consider re-gifting because they are not really that interested in putting forth that effort.

I think if I look at the example of God, His gift was for everyone, without variance in purpose and with equal measure. He gave everything, with full measure to anyone who would like to receive it. It is easy to give a gift to those you love, or have some fond feelings for and who return those feelings. But to give to those who hate you, or who are strangers to you? That is what Jesus' life was, a gift for all mankind, even those who persecuted Him, beat Him and abandoned Him on the cross. WOW!

Think about it, Manasseh (2 Kings 21-22, 2 Chronicles 33) was saved for only a short time before his death. He was the most evil ruler, but when he called out to God, He received the gift. He received the same reward as Billy Graham who has led the multitudes to the foot of the cross. Two very different lives, same gift!

What was the gift? Utter Joy! Eternal life, complete forgiveness, white and pure, able to stand before the throne without any shame, anger, hurt or guilt! How cool is that, to know that we will sit at the table of the Lord, walk on streets of gold, worship with the angels!!! If you need reassurance about this gift, read below;

Jude 24 To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— 25 to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

He Cares for You!

Isn't it great that no matter what we do, what we say, we know that we are loved by God! He lets it all roll off His back, never holding on to any offense. He is so big that He never lets go of us even though we let go of Him. We can not do or say anything to make Him so angry that He would forsake or leave us. He holds us in His hand.

Not always the case with the human race. We can probably recite a million examples of how we did not meet up to someones standards or expectations, or how we have failed in meeting their needs. Happens every day. And no matter how many times or how many ways we apologize, there is no grace, no forgiveness.

There may even be times where we are wounded beyond our hearts ability to mend. We are shattered, left with self doubt and a lack of worth. We are unable to find our way through the mire. Much like a chess game we replay the situation time and again in our minds, and yet can not see a different move to make. A stale mate occurs no matter which way we turn.

The good news is that God knows the human condition. He knows that some will walk in peace, able to forgive and some will not. He knows that many are prone to live like puffer fish when we really need to be soft, absorbent, like a sponge able to squeeze out the bad stuff in a cleansing spiritual bath. I know as I wash away the dirt from my dishes I see it disappear down the drain leaving a clean, shiny, blank slate. Oh if only we humans could master that!

God spoke to the issue of offense and what our individual response to it should be throughout the old and new testament. It would only take each human living out a couple of these lessons to change the view in our spiritual dish.

(1 Peter 4:8) Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

(1 John 4:20-21) If anyone makes the statement: “I love God,” and yet is hating his brother, he is a liar. For he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot be loving God, whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him, that the one who loves God should be loving his brother also.

So what is it that God tells us to do in these situations? To humble ourselves, let God take over. He says if we hand it all over, He will resolve it. He will defend us. We do not need to be overtaken by emotion or circumstance. There is nothing He can not handle. He cares!! Wonderful!

(Psalm 16:8) I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

1 Peter 5:6-7- Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.