Sunshine in a Bottle

I love this kid...., uh, MAN! Who let him grow up anyway. He brings a smile and warm spirit everywhere he goes. He blushes and gets so excited when there is good news. He is quiet and holds a hand when there is something serious. He is perceptive of the temperature in the room and the activity happening all around him. He misses NOTHING! He forgets NOTHING! He has unconditional, genuine, compassionate, steadfast love. Oh how I wish that could be bottled up and given out for Christmas. What a world we would have.

I gush a lot about our son, which if you have read any of this blog you will acknowledge is true. But there is something about him that is the best of gifts. I reflect about the day we had him, totally unaware of the extra chromosome he had and unprepared for a different life journey. It didn't matter to us. As a matter of fact, his father went straight to the library to learn what he needed to know to make a great start, no hesitation. We stood tall and were ready for the road ahead. But others, not so confident, or comfortable with the things that were different.

Comments were made that still ring in my memory. Who would find this life less than desirable, less than 'ideal'? Well I could tell you a few who did. And who would be uncomfortable with his diffabilities, his appearance? I can tell you who they were too. But those that stayed for the adventure and those that joined our forever family, they have been privileged to observe and reap the reward that is Cody. He has his grumpy moments, but they are precious few and far apart. As a matter of fact he has to remind me to take a deep breath, count to ten and stop talking loudly to other drivers on the road. Apparently they can't hear me anyway.

His way is calm, patient, forgiving. He would never intentionally hurt anyone, but he would definitely hug them, remind them he loves them and that it will all be okay. He is the nicest person I have ever met. And he is witty, quick to tell some jokes and have a good laugh. He is teased mercilessly by his mom (yes and I can't stop) and he laughs every time to make me feel good. LOL

He sings continuously, cheers on his favorite superheroes at top volume and plays a variety of instruments homemade and store bought. For hours! His imagination is constantly churning out new inventions and costumes with details. And everyday he adds more details. Most of them are puppets that he can make talk. They are very clever. He can describe them in great detail from their appearance to their personality.

He prays. We call him preacher and I believe he is a Pentecostal or at least charismatic. He can give a  great sermon and pray for the whole world in the course of a single session. It is wonderful. The longer he goes the more you hear his heart passionately intercede for those in need. It is a beautiful thing. He is a great example.

So today is Christmas. We made a zillion pit stops over the last four days. He was with me when I bought most of his gifts yet he pretended to be surprised. "You were with me, remember?" "I know mom!" LOL He plays Santa so he can hand out the gifts and make everyone happy. He cleans up, which he does daily, but wrappings and boxes. All of it.

So here I have this amazing son, my greatest gift, and today I celebrate his contribution to the family, our friends and the world! I feel sad for those who have chosen not to walk with us because their measure of what has value or meaning is skewed. They have missed a tremendous adventure, a silly and playful life. They have missed being touched by Sunshine in a Bottle!

Love the One You're With

That's right, love the one you're with. That sounds simple enough. But quite frequently we are tempted, whether by some emotional bent or visual eye candy, to seek the one .....over there. What is that? My thoughts on the topic are below, obviously, it's a blog.

1. You SEE someone who looks/acts/has something you want or that has appeal. They are popular, have money, affluent lifestyle, party life, possessions, etc. The appearance is they have 'it'! They may seem to navigate life well, but what is it that you don't see? Is the camera-ready life of the party there when the night is over and the guests go home? Do they have the same attitude, personality, interest in others when they are not on stage? Do they invest in others? I would wager my salary the answer is no!

2. You MISS someone you lost. There is a gaping hole that no amount of putty will fill. Your idea, theirs or God's they are no longer in your world. The story that was being written is abruptly ended, dreams have died, you are no longer living that life. It is a death in all cases. You have no control over the void. There is grieving and sorrow and longing. Do they care/notice/long for you? Again, if this is the scenario that answer is no!

3. You DREAM of the 'idea' of people............hey, they aren't real, they don't exist. That idea of a spouse, friend, sibling, child, partner is not real. It is an image or idea you have about what you 'think' is right, what you 'think' is perfect, but indeed they are not real. No one exists who lives up to the dream, that imaginary friend you have in your head. NOT REAL.

I think at the holidays this is magnified as you are painfully aware of the hole in your heart, that missing slide in the projector. For me it is often what I think is important for my son, what is he missing, what has been lost, what is important to him. I am reminded of a few things that not only help me when I ache for him but I apply them to my life as well.

1. Whose in the room/your life/your story on a daily basis. Who is next to you when times are good or horrible or terrifying. That is who you love.

2. Who wants to be with you and wants you with them? That is the one who has your back, is your cheerleader, your comforter, your friend, your family. That is who you love.

3. Who knows you, your dreams and loves you anyway, unconditionally present, judgements removed. That is who you love.

Our very sensitive son has lost people in his life and it has been difficult for him to understand. He used to wait for those missing people to return, but as he has grown he has demonstrated love of those in his  world each day or better TODAY. He doesn't miss a beat. He says 'It's ok mom, I love you!" just because he wants you to know. And when he goes to program, he walks in the room and hugs/high-fives/hand slaps each person. He values those right there in the room, those are his friends, his family. He is full of joy in the moment. As I watch him he does this no matter where he is and every time he changes groups. He is a lover and he spends his day, loving the one he's with. So I see that the lesson is rather than focusing on what/who was, what/who isn't or what/who is only smoke and mirrors, why not celebrate the love of the one you're with.

It's Coming!

Don't you want to know what's coming? Me too! I know I am writing this so you would expect me to know what's coming, right? But I don't. I know there are several, or 100's of things coming that might bring great anticipation and 'it' is different for everyone. What I DO know is that I am excited it's coming and I can't wait some days. So here are a few things that are on my list of coming events, just don't know the details.

Christmas, but that was easy. I love Christmas not at all for what I get but for what comes with it. Christ's birthday, the best gift ever and really the only one we need! Because of that gift we get to share joy, love, food, hugs, gifts, songs, clothes, a warm home, a listening ear, a tear, a laugh and so much more. And when we open up to that giving spirit we GET so much more and it is never what we expect. It's always a surprise.

The New Year, God willing. And it tends to bring lots of surprises like lists of unmet resolutions, babies, weddings, change, deaths, illness, friendships, bad haircuts, new teeth, you know. The list is just endless. Every day an adventure! Yes I really do talk like this. Ask my employees. In good or bad, for better or worse, in all things there is mystery, uncertainty and growth. With each event, small or catastrophic we are given the opportunity to learn something, gain wisdom and share forward the lessons learned. I never know what that will be and I can confidently say it is rarely what I expect. It's coming.

Peace! That is always the most important thing. It comes to calm the slightest whisper of anxiety and it fills me up as I reflect on a life well lived. Waking up, unafraid , reminded of the gift of another day. Walking along the sidewalk knowing I am not alone when I fall, and I have, twice! Waiting for news and making decisions, trusting I have the best Counselor. Closing my eyes knowing that whether they open again or not, I am either here or HOME! It will come at the most desperate times and the most content. It is the calm that speaks softly, is full of truth not fear. It is the smile that sneaks up on my face or the sigh that comes from feeling gratitude. Awesome!

So basically, we will know it when we see it. It's coming! Be sure you are ready to embrace it and live with purpose. When you do you will always find each day a surprise, an adventure waiting for you!

I AM Thankful

I have this full heart and great joy today. It may not always be so but almost everyday it is. I look at things with an optimistic view, a glass nearly full not partially empty or leaking or contaminated. Life happens, it brings good and bad, happy and sad, hard and easy. It is not about the circumstance or climate or emotion of the moment but about the things I gain, learn, incorporate into the great painting of life. I know not everyone has this frame of reference in their journey, but it has been a simple daily test for where I put my hope. And it is not on this planet.

So when I make my list of things I am thankful for it may and often does include things that for some seem 'wrong'. For example, I am grateful that while each of my parents suffered Alzheimer's Dementia, they were happy, sometimes knew me and seemed mostly content in their last days. I am grateful they each passed very peacefully. I am grateful my son was able to be a part of those days as he saw it was not to be feared and he is such a gentle servant, always glad to just sit with them, hold a hand. It was a great boon to his development as he talks easily about it to others and he understands when others are enduring the same. He learned to pray not just for healing but for peace. He is actively sharing his gifts with another dear young friend who is on hospice. He is not afraid or confused, and loves to visit, leave notes and pray.

I am grateful for the past two years of personal struggles as it has taught me to rely even more on the One who made me in the first place. I have hope for healing but patience in the process. I am above ground, upright and still know my name so this is a great day. My perspective is constantly framed by the genuinely difficult times I see others enduring and I am reminded that my situation is but a momentary affliction, guaranteed to pass into a very perfect eternity. Not everyone has discovered that path, and there is more concern and urgency for those who are lost than for those who are in the waiting room.

I am grateful for my family. We are fortunate to have family both near and far who shower me with text messages, silly cards, treasure hunting, coffee and love. It is a great gift. I love seeing the family grow, the young ones getting older and the old ones acting younger. That is my favorite part really as when you are old and choose to act how you feel, no one dares to say anything. They may stare, but in the end everyone is entertained. So I love entering a room and jumping into whatever behavior is appropriate for the moment. I suppose that is yet another gift of my sons influence, as I love being his friend and feel that I can "hang" with the best of them. I love when we get to spend any time with family though there never seems to be enough time. Life is short, so I drink it in.

I am grateful for my friends who have seen me through countless life events. It is hard when family is not near to help but my life is blessed with friends who have stepped in and stepped up. Helping with my own family when I was at my lowest, making sure I have rest, medication and coffee. It was my friends that traveled to help put on my sons incredible graduation party. One took my mom, two put it all together. It was incredible and is something I will never be able to thank them enough for. It was my friends who helped with both parents in life and death. They helped move them (a few times), care for them when I needed to be in more than one place and in the end help finalize the services for our family. It allowed my brother, sister and I to spend time together and with those who came. They have embraced my son as well to the point that I think they like him better. But that is great!

I am grateful for what we have been given. It is an honor to have the tangible things bestowed on us and I love that we can share it forward when we have opportunity. I see the world at large with so many needs and it is a gift to be able to help as we are directed. Nursing is that way, you have a skill, knowledge, calling to pay it forward if you will. When we have other gifts, possessions or finances or time, it makes sense to share our gifts forward. I have been on the receiving end of much and I am humbled when we get to do that.

I am grateful for the ability to worship, work and live where ever I want. This is a fragile gift that in our current world is being threatened. I am always mindful of the soldiers around the world who are watching, waiting and warring to protect us. It is a gift that could be lost if we are careless or take it for granted. Many have battled and lost lives to get to America, to protect our freedoms and to establish our country. I do not want to disrespect that sacrifice and I am honored to be surrounded by family and friends and generations of military service men and women. Thank you.

Last I am grateful for you, taking time to read this little blog. I am praying you will have a blessed Thanksgiving and that you will be encouraged to find your list of things to be grateful for. It is never the first brush stroke but the final one that best defines your place in the big picture as we are all important. A painting missing a single stroke is incomplete so we are all of great worth in the final draft. Thank you for your place in the painting. Jude 24-25

Moving On.......

I was sent a very thought provoking read today.....

'It's just a sad, universal truth that there are people we love a lot who don't really love us back. Whether platonic or romantic (or even, sadly enough, familial) there are always going to be these uneven relationships in which one person is constantly left feeling as though their emotions and their desires are a mild irritant. There are going to be those we go out of our way for who never quite acknowledge us in return, who will never be there to listen to our problems, who will never drive out in the middle of the night to pick us up when we're in trouble - no matter how much we do these things for them.'

Really speaks to me as I have a life long problem of letting go. I love deeply and for life, and it takes a minute to gain my commitment. Over the years I have seen that some relationships are ended due to distance, circumstance or decision. I have a very difficult time with these, some much more than others, and I find it painful to lose someone I truly care for. It is a death. I grieve.

Interesting is that two of these causes at least are spontaneous if you will. They are easier to work through. You move away, interests change or circumstances change such as having young children or changing schedules. They die a slow, but seemingly expected death. It is almost as if they are on hospice. We know it is coming and we are more prepared. The longing for that person may still exist but you accept that they are 'gone'. You can appreciate the why of seeing it go.

The third case however is the most difficult as it is sudden, unexpected. It is clearly not something prepared for and much like having someone kidnapped. They are just gone! You walk around with this vision of what would have been, what should be, the hopes for the future. Longing for answers, racked with guilt and sorrow. You are not in control and can't effect a change. It's horrible for the one left behind.

In all of these cases, it is important to move through the phases of grief in order to let it all go. I am really horrible at this. But I am also fatigued by it. I have cards, gifts and letters that have never been sent because I don't have an address, I never hear if things are received or perhaps it is like the 100th time " I " will be sending something while I have never had anything returned. Not that I do things for reward, but if the only one having the relationship is me, then I must assume.......I am not liked, I am not wanted, I am not loved. I am, as the author wrote, an irritant that someone is putting up with or ignoring or hiding from.

So even though my heart loves, it is an un-requited love. And that energy, though I believe God given, is not being spent well. So I am determined to take a long hard look at the list in the book and begin the process of amputation of the painful growths that have consumed me over the years. Time to set free those whom I love and be free from those who do not value me.  I will work at moving on, trusting God will give me peace as I 'say goodbye' and give joy to those I leave behind.

Should be a new day!

Sakes Alive I'm 55!

Well isn't that something. And when I finally reach the double digit I am pleased to say I am no longer the speed limit. I am genuinely in the middle. Not city and not freeway, but just cruisin' in the middle. Cool.

I have had a very refreshing time this year as I celebrate my birthday. Here are some of the things I have enjoyed:

My hip is one year old and rotating without a hitch. That's right no hitch in my right giddy up. Sweet.
My beta blockers are helping me keep oxygen to the brain so that I have intelligent thoughts which I express freely. Hey, I heard you snicker!
I can do hot yoga. Who knew! And my yoga boy is having a blast too.
I now sleep at least two nights a week whether I need it or not, and sometimes when I'm talking but usually not while driving. This sentence should still alarm someone but hey, lets not focus on a little blip in wellness.
I am no longer rarely bothered by the fact that my legs and feet feel like they are freezing.
I am NOT my diagnosis and choose not to speak about it. It does not deserve that much energy.
I am able to purge.......the house. I realize that I will not have an 'episode' if I give away a parental treasure or take down a drawing by my son. I do believe there is a statute of limitations however so until that passes I may have to re-evaluate, or seek professional help.
I have true friends. They have weathered the storm of caring for my parents, my health crisis, my hip surgery and my recovery. They have stayed with me through thick and thin, late nights and ice cream and coffee. Priceless!
I have a wonderful family. Encouragement, humor, commitment, love and coffee. Amazing in every way. Who knew I would win the lottery in this way.

I really feel ready for the next decade or three. I have this fresh wind and it has given me courage and determination to continue to improve body, mind and spirit. I have renewed energy to write letters, finish decades old projects and organize space. I am even enjoying walking! Sitting remains my least favorite thing but then that's not completely bad, unless you are eating and then it can really be a challenge. Just have to find that perfect chair. Hopefully I won't have to buy too many before I get the BINGO.

So 55 looks much better than 50 or 52 or 54. I feel like there is some light in the room and joy in the heart. Those are good things. It is not always easy to journey in darkness as few are in rank with you.
I am fortunate to have very little stake on the things of this world, choosing to spend as much energy as possible finding the positive and enjoying the road in front of me. Thats where the focus needs to be, the next footstep. So here's to the next year. I am hoping it continues to  shine with healing and freedom from this life's momentary discomforts.

Ignited

It has been decades since nurses have come together as a force to be reckoned with. And what is most interesting is that while the scattered rumbling was the same globally it took a thoughtless public comment from a television character to set the profession ablaze. In three days, the world of nursing, paramedics, CNAs, physicians, physician assistants and even our precious housekeepers have gained an audible voice. It is clear that we are at the end of our rope, the last nerve has been struck, we are bold, hear us roar.

I have never been more invigorated than during this last few days. I have been in healthcare for more than 40 years in some role and spent another 10 years wanting to be. It is wonderful to step outside the walls of the daily grind to hear the focus of the conversation be on the work. Not on all the things wrong with the job, but on the primary, prevailing reason we are all still in the profession. It is the passion, compassion and deep desire to care. Care for the injured, sick and dying. We are proud of the countless hours of overtime spent advocating, helping, comforting, resuscitating, acting in the interest of our patient.

Complete strangers cause us to lose sleep, grieve, celebrate, sigh, laugh, yell, grumble, cry, smile. And we gratefully wake up to do it again, over and over. Despite long hours, deplorable pay, no breaks, less than desirable staffing, obstacles in language, lack of supplies, not enough time, we show up and we find our reward. It is not in the check but in the fruit of our labor. We go home having survived the day, completing all that is needed to assure our patients have what they need, And we are satisfied because we know we did our best and this helped others. Our reward is most often in knowing we did it, and we did it well.

Needless to say when we get a compliment, card, kind word or report to a leader about our effort this is icing on our cake. It is amazing when we get that extra kudos though we don’t expect it. And sometimes there is that unhappy patient or family, that while their words may burn, it is most often a minor sting as we trudge into the next room to start it all over again.

So out on the stage of the Miss America pageant walks this beautiful, blonde, with a passion to give a voice to the masses. I doubt she expected that the voice would evolve in the way it did, but I also don't think the profession would have gained the momentum had it not been for the comments of those daytime talk show ‘employees’.

While it is not wrong to have an opinion, it is never desirable to insult what you clearly don't understand. They mocked her talent, a monologue on nursing. They mocked her dress, the uniform of a nurse. They mocked her stethoscope, the thing we use most to determine the course of life. They mocked her words, a real human story about an epidemic disease of aging. They mocked nursing. And the nurses roared.

In hallways, social media sites, meetings, news outlets the word and message has traveled that we ARE professional, we ARE talented, we ARE the monologue worth hearing. Photos, over 5000 today of proud healthcare providers and patients with uniforms, stethoscopes and stories to provide confirmation that we are indeed a real life drama series, running 24/7 around the globe. We sacrifice so much time, energy, family time, emotion that we cannot sacrifice the perception of our worth. And we should not.

As of today several sponsors have pulled their support of the show. The apologies of the employees of the tv show were less than sincere and actually implied it was the nurses fault for not seeing it their way. The challenge would actually seem to be that those tv employees need to see it our way, see things from the view of a nurse. Maybe, just maybe, those employees would come walk in the shoes of some of the folks they referred to as ‘just nurses’. Maybe they would understand why we rise up for this one thing, respect. I know it will never happen, but wouldn't that be glorious?

As a footnote to the media firestorm, today Ellen Degeneres had Miss Colorado on her show. She not only honored her for her pageant accomplishment but also acknowledged the trending social media related to her monologue. Miss Colorado said it is her talent and she wanted to use the platform to give a voice to those that otherwise do not have opportunity. She wanted to give a voice to nurses.
The question now remains, what will we do with the energy, unity, fire that is igniting the nursing and healthcare community? Will we be able to stand together for the common purpose of improving patient care, outcomes and working conditions or will we fall back into ambiguity. I hope the renewed pride in our profession will carry on, paying it forward to the nursing generation behind us.

World Peace

That's right, it is found here on this planet. It is not on the evening news, in the slur of opposing candidates, in the disparity in religion, in the hateful crime against humanity. It is in the hearts of those who see all as friends, as equals, despite color, country or party. I have spoken of it at times in small images with groups of 5 or 10 or 20. I have imagined that if only they could be seen and if they could be used as examples the human race would see each other through very different eyes.

I have watched this world walk away, around or into these beacons of joy while mocking them for their lack of. Lack of money, work, words, skill, ability. Yet this beautiful sea of smiles and hugs sees past that hurt and anger, and embraces them all anyway if they can. It is not that they don't know that people are being mean, it is that it doesn't matter really. They might experience hurt feelings but in most cases quickly resolve to solve the cruelty by giving back something that frankly, others don't deserve. They operate out of grace and mercy.

World Peace happened in LA, is that possible? It happened at the Special Olympics World Games. 7000 athletes from 170 countries with 30000 volunteers and twice as many supporters. And there was joy. While I was whining about heat and long lines, my son stood patiently. While I wanted to sit down, my son stood patiently. My son stood, patiently, as did 1000's of others. They waited out of excitement, in the presence of their friends whether they knew them or not. I blamed, slurred, criticized while he stood quietly. I apologized and he forgave me. "It's alright mom,  I love you!"

World Peace as we watched the masses collecting for the games while we danced. They danced with us or stood by us or held our hands or sat near us. They celebrated, they smiled, laughed, hugged, helped each other though complete strangers. World peace happened at the games. And I am still full of humility and tears. It was a glimpse of what God intended when he put us in place and we wait with anticipation to live in that state of joy again. If only for a moment I am certain we saw God smile.

I have been the mom who wants to tell you everything her son accomplishes. I realize this as I have just spent a lot of money to see the first two years of my sons life moved from VHS to digital. And do you know what I saw, what I now realize I forced my loved ones to endure.....nothing. Hours of an adorable baby dressed in a variety of adorable clothes doing absolutely nothing. But WOW he sure could do it well. Now as an adult, 19, he has eclipsed my wildest dreams and makes me incredibly proud every day. He is my World Peace.

He has been surrounded by amazing family, friends, teachers, mentors and absolute strangers who have watched him grow, who see his actions, who admire his kindness. World Peace can happen. So here are a few glimpses from the games. If you didn't take the time to watch, find the links on Youtube, It is inspiration times a zillion from the founding of the Special Olympics, Best Buddies and Unified Sports to the meaning it brings to those athletes and the world.

My Dreams Realized 100 Times

It is always a very different reality for our family than most may imagine. We have a special (needs) son. I was young once, dreamt of 100 children and being the epitome of the perfect mom serving gourmet meals and sewing matching clothes. Yes, I really had these visions, but remember I had a southern mother who grew up doing this with her Mama for her family and I wanted to do this too. It was a secret of course as it would have taken all of the fun out of my rebellious years if she knew I wanted to be like her.
But one thing has been true in my life, I have No Clue what to expect, planned or unplanned. No control. Sigh! I leave that to the Author. So for me I take the day as it is presented and move that way. So for me, a wonderful husband and a single child who is forced to fulfill my dreams for 100! I say forced lightly as I believe he has dreams for 100 lives so it is a good fit! His world is neither predictable nor dull. He lives for the adventure, could get that from me just sayin.

So we spent the first dozen years discovering him. What makes him tic, favorite characters, songs, clothes, foods, colors and things to do. It was clear, for example, that I was going to share my every waking hour with a purple dinosaur, having 100 songs stuck in my head ready to sing at the drop of a hat. On a positive note by 5 he had learned colors, numbers, days of the week, please and thank you. And that was just the beginning.
We also spent that same dozen years living on the edge of anxiety, up all night, illness, treatments, hospitalizations, emergency rooms, insanity a 100 times telling the same story and having the same tests where I sang the same songs to calm the same precious child with a 100 lives.
It would be a random fact that drove me to the doctors and tests and discoveries that moved us to the second act. Yes my life is a play, or possibly a good movie. In this half we have poured our every drop of energy into making up time leaving no tape behind. Crafts or costumes created almost daily with cardboard, pipe cleaners and tape. As a matter of fact if you ask him what he needs from the store, tape is usually on the list twice. The bleary eyes of days gone by are replaced by eyes that sparkle with imagination, details and inventions.
See it, make it, watch it, act it! We have drums, guitars, a full Oklahoma and Outer Space wardrobe, and art lining the walls of my house. Each creation enters the living room whether in hand or grabber and is presented with full description of the artists work. And it is then taped up on display. Marvelous. Who needs the Smithsonian, I have Master Gates.


Sports, not his favorite always but always willing. And when he won he did it big. Football with a pass and a touch down, basketball with a score in his game as well as in an adjacent game, track running alone or with the entire unified partners and AZ Cardinals mascot. Cheer leading and bowling and bocci and soccer (wore the uniform well). No matter what it was he liked to be present even if he did it 'his way'.
And that creative talent knows no limits. He loves to dance. ballet, hip hop, remix, Up Town Funk and so much more. And do musical ballets, productions. Sign language with or without music, ASL, BSL or GSL (his own language). Karate and photography (he is excellent actually) and art and costume design and story writing and story telling! It is amazing.
It is as if 100 talents have been given to one young man with 100 ideas a day. I am blessed. I never tire of his mind and love to live with and through him. When this gig started 19 years ago I thought how blessed I was 'even though'.....shame on my unbelief. There is no lack to the fulfillment of my dream. And as long as I can be in the plays, or make the costumes, or wear the tutu, or scream loudly at his performance or cry with joy or post a zillion pictures, I am good with my 1 in a 100 gift. I have more than I dreamed of loving every minute and looking forward to the next 100 grand adventures.

Things I Learned on my Summer Vacation............

I gotta tell you, I have a great family and had a great time. I have not traveled for quite some time with the pure purpose of vacationing! Wow, I see why folks enjoy this. HA! Having spent the last many years with work, school and life it was a true blessing to enjoy the open road.

Because of the outrageous price of plane fare, I opted for a short flight and road trip. Wonderful idea. We saw things, stopped whenever we wanted, ate when we wanted, perfect. I got to see and share places from my childhood like Mt Rushmore, Wall Drug, the Farm, Plainview Academy, Corn Palace, Prehistoric dig, Cabela's, Fort Cody, Air and Space Museum, drive through Domino's and so much more. Good stuff.

Cody sang across the countryside while looking out the window. I don't believe in videos or books while driving as there is so much to see out the car window. Cousins and Auntie joined us at the farm for parade, food, games and lots of talk. We are a small but gabby bunch.

As we poured through old photo albums I learned I was named after a cat. True! My sister says that's not it at all, that the photo of mom holding two cats named Sally and Judy outside her first apartment was not the inspiration for my name. Sure. I think another sister would have been named Sally, just sayin.

Cody gots game! He is excellent at playing Fuzzy Peanut.  Well that's what they call it. It is a great game, lots of twists and turns based on your own inability to draw, or read. LOL Cody did great shaming some of the rest of us.

With a stack of paper equal to the number of players:
1. Write a word (object or character) turn the stack over and slide left
2. Turn over the stack look at the word then move it to the back of the stack
3. Draw the word turn the stack over and slide left
4. Look at the picture then move it to the back of the stack
5. Write the word for the picture you saw turn the stack over and slide left
Repeat this process until you get your stack back. Turn it over, move the page to the back. You should see your word. Now for the fun................
Lay the pages out in order starting with your word (should alternate word, pic, word, pic, etc) and let the fun begin.

Cody read all the words well, and his art was quite good out drawing many of the others at the table. A near XXX drawing was averted when he asked what the 'word' was. I told him I couldn't tell him. 'Is it a body part?" "NOOOOOO! Don't draw that!" "Ok." Phew!

Given enough days and gas in the rental car I can still find my way around Redfield. The Plainview Academy is still standing, still locked up, still full of books and still owned by Seventh Day Adventist Research Institute. I lived directly behind it in Redfield prior to moving to Phoenix. Would love to 'tour' but alas no open doors.....or windows:-) Not that we tried but we might have, just sayin.

I have a competitive family. This was very clear during the outside games with a rigorous bunch of discussion around rules, points scored or not scored for different things, and that whole points thing. I had to get a non-partisan reunion attendee to validate the scoring system and award the winning popper! OK, well Cody was on the winning team, but I had no control over how cute he is or how well he counts during croquet. Point is, CODY and MARSHA WIN!!! Enough said.

I still got the moves to snatch candy from children at the parade. Cody needed candy, I got him candy. He eventually got all in and did fairly well. But I still won the parade candy game. Cody shared his 'caught' red hat with a little cutie who gave him the doe eyes. Nice boy. I did not share my candy.

The ER is very efficient on the 4th of July in a small town. I am guessing the person who arrived in the room with flip flops, daisy duke shorts, a bandanna around her hair and party beads was indeed some medical person. No introduction, no ID badge, no frank alcohol on her breath, and definitely in a hurry. Glad no one was in labor. Sprained ankle, no drugs needed. We did score an ace wrap. Sweet.

I love old cemeteries and found some cool headstones in the tiny town of  St Lawrence. And if that wasn't enough Miller has MORE! No one enjoys a good epitaph like I do but the masonry and my imagination are very entertained by the smallest things. The very slippery mud road left me thinking about a horror movie where they are trapped in a cemetery. That might be MY movie, can't recall.

Pre-historic in Mitchell is 900 A.D. Not sure why, unless civilization did not occur in South Dakota until a millennium after Christ. Hmmmm Anyway, cool digs. LOL Saw the turrets being moved to place on top of the Corn Palace. That was new. And apparently it is taking about a harvest season for that to occur, that is the word from the local farmers. Very cool art created every year! And inside, could there be more? Why yes it was a treasure show; i.e. souvenirs, books, food, all corn themed and unnecessary. Yes Cody had to have it and yes, I bought it. Like you would have to ask!

I am in awe of being able to see miles away, smell manure, hear sounds other than cars and swearing in traffic to which South Dakotans say 'Whats that'? I love trees, open roads, driving with abandon and seeing family and friends! And Dad would have been pleased I inherited his skills for using a map, tracking miles per gallon at each refill and finding each landmark long enough to snap a picture and resume adventure.

We had dear friends wait very late for dessert, played with Ewan who we just met at his 2 year birthday and talked to Cuddles aka Aiden Daniel who arrived after we left and now shares birthday with big brother. I hope HE is not 2 before we meet. Sigh!! I think we all had a gas! And we were energized on that last leg when God showed us there is a Red Robin .....Yum in every state and a Dollar Tree to find that last minute 'something' Cody needed.

Finally, I love to travel! Did not know how much I missed a real road trip adventure. I had a gas and might have been chastised for walking too far, fast or to places not interesting to my travel companions a time or three. We used to take trips and had so many giggles and fun memories. It was great to make this one in the parent seat!

Advice: Just Do It! Live, Laugh, Play, Enjoy, Share, Stop, Look and Drink it All In! I love my life!!

What a Difference a Year Makes..................

I remember just last year my mother had fallen and ended up in Sun Grove Village CC. Worried about her hair appointment, not happy with her hair do and fairly certain she needed a new blouse. I am grateful for that opportunity to take care of her in those last months though at times she reminded me why children move away from home, some farther than others. LOL. She always had a quick wit and great sense of humor. She smiled often and really enjoyed her family, REALLY enjoyed her family. Not enough visits or pictures to keep her satisfied. Every time I walked through her room I would see different pictures taped up on the wall, her dresser or stacked by her bed. Her greatest desire was to get to 'touch' them all at least once. And we almost made it!! I think alot of that was related to her own early years. In the good old days, family lived and stayed close to home. But as she married and moved away she rarely got to see her family. The military life did not really suit living in one place. She missed that. And now in this modern era the grandchildren all moved away and married and had children......and she had to wait to meet them or missed them all together. There is something about touch, putting your eyes just once on your own family and enjoying the imagination of what your legacy will be. We are a musical, military, medical, mechanical, laser engineering, educating, dancing and farming kinda family with some still finding their first path or maybe starting the next one. We are decendants of a pilot and homemaker both completely invested in their children. I hope that we will pass on the things that were important to them and their character to those who come behind us. In the meantime, I am relishing my photos, stacks of them.

An Inspirational Story from Noah's Dad

From Gold Chain to Seminary Degree

Happy Nurses Day

I felt inspired by my extended family of nurses and healthcare providers so I wrote this verse. Enjoy!

BECAUSE by Judy Gates (c)

Because you care
Because you work hard
Because you are patient
Because you want to make a difference
Because you take any challenge
Because you want to learn more
Because you are passionate
Because you are committed
Nurses learn
Patients are safer
Because of you!


Have a glorious nurses day and week.

*For those of you who are not in the profession, I bet you know someone who is. Let them know you appreciate them for ridiculous hours, tolerance of every human behavior, unpredictable work loads, enforced flexibility and enduring every single human emotion each day they choose to don their uniform and focus on the needs of others!

Amazing Brother

So I have this amazing brother. He is not perfect, just to be clear, being human and all. But he is loyal, honest, compassionate, dependable, funny, adventurous, a giant kid and all around the best brother ever. He just had a birthday, a big one!! Not the one that makes you legal to vote, drink or run for president. Not the one where you get black candles, lots of jokes or waterproof unders. No this was much bigger, SS kind.

He is going to have the option to work or not, put up with buerocracy or not, play golf or not. Great times ahead as he now can clutter his calendar with things he WANTS to do as opposed to being told to do. Awesome. I actually already have a list of things I want to do but am so young I am no where near being able to do them. This will be his starter list. After all, he will have loads of time to do all kinds of things when he decides it is the 'last' day. Sweet!

He can enjoy babies ( his and theirs) and hunt down family history, take four million more pictures we will never be able to organize, visit family (me, me, me) and travel around the globe. Maybe volunteer, so many great things to help with. Perhaps take up hiking, well after he has his hips and knees done. And painting, a peaceful thing he can do along with Bob Ross as he speaks so softly that your brook and trees are happy or have become Chinese New .year symbols if you drift off mid-episode. That's alright, you can watch them over and over.

I can't wait to see what he does on his next great adventure but I hope it is a blast and brings him joy. I had a great family growing up and I am so grateful we remain close today. Happy Birthday Big Brother!! Love you always.

Helping Build Community

Every year Special Olympics works diligently to raise awareness of the great benefits to including and supporting those with special needs. We look at diffabilities rather than disabilities. And Unified Sports has further advanced the message that we are all in this together. We are community. This year   Make your gifts count! Buy Play Unified clothes, sporting gear and more. You will be getting a great item AND supporting Special Olympics!! Thank you so much for making a difference!!

Click here to see all the great stuff!!  Play Unified

It's time to consider - Do you have Celiac Disease?

Celiac Disease

This is a fantastic new resource with video, symptom checklist assessment  and the Do's and Don'ts for wellness! Check it out, share it forward, and take control of your health!!

You may not realize but it ALL matters

Every day I hear folks talk about the lack of fruit they see from their lives. They don't think what they say or do matters. But the truth is it ALL matters. You are the seed and the water or you are the weeds. The work and words you pour out each moment have a lasting effect. They will nourish life or choke it out. This is a beautiful example of human kindness, and the impact from someone years earlier still influencing a lovely young woman. Thanks to my friend Claire who has always found a garden of love to share. Enjoy!

Claire's One Last Post While She's Still a Kid

The Mercy House

To the Monica's of the World.... You are Not Forgotten

Forgiveness ....... Conversation of the week!

Relationship issues all week for my team and some of my friends. All kinds of nastiness, mean words, cruel and lasting insults damaging the heart of some of my strongest folks. While forgiveness is a hot topic, it is clear that there is some gray (grey) area. In order to exercise true forgiveness you have to define what it is and what it is not! Ego and emotion aside here is my take on the subject.


It is a decision, of will or mind, not emotion. It is an intentional choice to obey God. It is separate from the individual who has committed the offense. Whether they repent, want to reconcile or not, it is ours to give. It requires us to move on. With or without the relationship. We have to choose peace and purpose rather than contention that can lead us to sin or be a stumbling block for them.

To forgive is to forget! Uh, no! In order to learn from the past, the experiences of any kind need to remain in the mental 'file'. We may need to let go of the emotions, hurt or disappointment, but we would be remiss to try to wipe clean the memories of the past. It is imperative to take captive every thought in order to prevent reopening those feelings or wounds that would lead us to anger or hate. Should we face the source of our pain or suffering, we need to be in control of the memories that could fan the flames! It requires us to be purposeful in our actions and words.

Forgiveness won't stop the memory of pain! God has promised that He sees and that He will wipe away each tear. But it should mean that we are free of the bitterness or anger that leads to hate. Forgiving is not releasing the offender from the consequences of their actions. It is not excusing or dismissing behavior. People make choices and must be responsible for the fall out. Much like traffic violations, one must be accountable to accept they chose to run the red light, so to speak. As humans, we will make mistakes. But in order to grow we have to step up, own our mistakes, seek reconciliation and change! We should forget what is behind and strive toward what is ahead. Philippians 3.13

Forgiveness is not laughing it off. Minimizing hurt or denying it lives does not erase it. We can't ignore the feelings, as it would be a lie to say they 're not there which runs us into all kinds of trouble. Forgiveness involves not holding a sin (grudge) against a person any longer. But that said, it is different from trust. It is wise to take precautions, and sometimes the dynamics of a relationship will have to change. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, / but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22.3 In other words, you won't keep walking into the situation expecting different results unless there is evidence God has changed hearts.

Forgiveness means being on guard so that we don't  allow be a root of bitterness to come springing up in our hearts. We must be 'shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves'. So we may forgive but we must be cautious in future encounters should they occur. Only God changes hearts. Until an offender has a true, supernatural change of heart it is only wise to limit the level of trust one places in that person or relationship. Being cautious doesn’t mean we haven’t forgiven. It simply means we are not God and we cannot see that person’s heart. It may be that separation with forgiveness is the answer.

This is difficult for many who feel we all need to be holding hands and singing world peace songs from the 70's. It is definitely a two way issue and requires a two way response, God in the center. If both are not seeking and serving Christ, it is unlikely true reconciliation can happen. Peace may come with time, distance and prayer. Waiting on God is the only sustainable solution. And that's ok because God is able. 

Where Hope Grows

Where Hope Grows

Maybe not.....

"Mom I can't wait until next year to go back to Kellis with my friends. They miss me!" And he misses them desperately at times. I see or hear more since the Friendship walk. He misses his brothers and prom date. He thinks if he would visit Kellis they would all be there.

How do you help him understand he will never go back to high school?
How can I help him understand they are graduating and moving on too?

As an only child we have always kept him plugged into groups or activities where he would build friendships. And he has, a zillion acquaintances and several great friends. But his heart aches a bit for that gang of friends he saw five days a week. My heart hurts for him as I try to sound excited about growing up, moving on, keeping in touch at social gatherings. Then it dawns on me, that this is that unfortunate course of life that has left me with the same longing at different stages of my life. I didn't like it either sometimes mourning the loss for some time.

It was my last post, where I felt the 'ouch' in change. I thought he had escaped unscathed but perhaps not. I have seen social circles change in my life as I changed schools, churches, entered relationships, got married, gained new neighbors, added more members to our groups. You become less relevant, moved down the preference list, don't fit the feel or look of the group. I have weathered this time and again as part of life, perhaps Gods way of moving me in a new direction. But it can and has carried a price.

So here is my amazing, charismatic, joyful, loving, happy man feeling alone and a bit lost without his friends. We have activities coming up again, but what do I do for the here and now? He had my iPad today and wrote notes. One wrote back, dependable and true. He stared at the iPad for some time. So I put it away. We are going to check tomorrow.

Thing is, even if we have our get togethers or they write back, how do I help him move on? Or do I let him grieve awhile? My protective mothers heart wants to prevent his suffering but I know it is also a part of life. It is the part I dislike. I have worked diligently for 18 years to keep him protected, surrounded by good people, happy! And he is warming up to his new environment but he has not found that friend, that one that is your pal you bum around with.
Oh I pray he finds that friend or two that will make him feel excited, happy, connected.

In the meantime I hope God will move mountains to unite The Brothers and The Prom Date just long enough to fill his sad heart with contentment and peace.

Reflections

With the New Year has come some reflection on what matters most, what disappoints most and what needs to be moved down the list. This has been a long process but for the first time in a very long time, I have the mental energy to 'pay attention' to the things passing before my eyes so to speak. Some of it is not new while some is revelation in real time.

Friends, I love my friends! But much like days gone by, I realize I have been blinded by my loyal 'forever friends' mentality even when it is not truly shared. Maya Angelou said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!' Ouch!! I have shared my wisdom with friends and family on the things I have learned from life and yet I am back at this lesson again. I never want to see the motivation of others. I assume they are like me, forever friends or family. Sadly, I SAW some reality this weekend. It kind of hurts, but like some of my relationships from the past, I have to move some folks down the list of priority.

In one circle of long term friends I discovered I suddenly was on the outside. I know it is not intentional, but it is the sands of time that have shifted their priorities and loyalties. The group photo was happening even though we were not in place, which sadder still meant my dear son is now on the outside as well. We are 'history', no longer a part of the things they have in their immediate view.
As I watched the scene, I could see that he sensed it too. He sat at the end, leaned away. He is growing up and has made some new friends, has different things to do. He did not seem too bothered, but also did not desire to stay. Hmmmm. He was happy to say hi to his besties, but as they were pulled aside for other things he was left alone. On a positive note he seemed okay to move on.

I must follow his lead and move on. As a matter of fact, at one defining moment I saw a mom rush to 'beat us to the punch' when we really were not planning to get in the ring. Its a long story. We watched and saw new friendships blooming and we clearly were no longer in the garden.

This sounds sad, and in my current state of mourning it is, but, I also now feel some freedom to step back letting them go so I can focus on those who are still in it for the long haul. That number is much smaller. It is in that number that I find true give and take relationships. It is not all about what they want, need, like, want you to do for them but it is equal in partnership.

We have been rejected and ostracized in the past which at times very confusing and painful to our son. People you would not expect to cast you aside. Probably why this community seemed so perfect for us. We felt certain of our place in the group and even more positive we would always fit in. And for that season we did. We are not outcast in this present situation but simply have become part of the past. We are not relevant. So now I must face the day anew recognizing these new truths and step back from the group to see if it is going to remain a part of our future.

Hard words, tough choices, but in the end positive balance! I have the fondest memories and will treasure them always. I might find a surprise in the journey but for now I can say 'it was a great ride' and prepare for our next great adventure!

Happy New Year

2015 is here and I am so grateful for the last few months. I would like to say I feel the winds changing........but I have learned that the breeze doesn't matter.

The loss of both parents has been more present over time for all of us I think When you are in the midst of 'living' you really take so many things for granted. It can be a simple thought that causes you to utter the words 'I should call......' Or seeing something that reminds you of them but then you are again aware they are gone. I miss them. They were always there, interested, supportive, constant approval. We never had cause to doubt we were their pride and joy. Every card or call we get confirms that when they we see or visit the folks they received an update and were shown pictures. I have nothing but happy thoughts. OK a couple crazy ones but I have put them in the dark. Lol! We were a very Leave it to Beaver or Brady Bunch family. Grateful.



Health is another thing you can't live 'well' without. I have spent the last few years with problems, the worst of which really came to a head Fathers Day 2013. A zillion tests, seriously I am certain I am fully radioactive, and crackin through as many bad or disinterested doctors I came to an orthopedist and a neurologist who listened. They each got to name some problems and so that must have been a good success for them and I have names for my problems which means I am not crazy. For those who disagree, a neurologist said so:-) I have autonomic polyneuropathy and POTS. My automatic functions don't do it well and my nerves send incorrect messages, such as to my feet and legs which to me 'feel' like I am standing on a frozen lake all the time. To you they feel as if they need a wax but lets not go there. POTS is not about cooking but a change in attitudes. Every time I bend over or stand up my heart runs a marathon. I was thinking I was glad some part of me can run but it is actually not good as it sucks up oxygen and wears me out. I learned that apparently oxygen is everything it is cracked up to be and I need medication. By keeping my heart rate regular I am no longer falling asleep during phone meetings.....I mean at the computer.....while others are talking....well you understand. And I no longer am constantly laying my head down and complaining of feeling as if I am going into a coma. As a side note, should I say "I feel like I am going into a coma!" Remind me to take my meds. Haha



As for the bones, found the broken hips. Well actually a pelvis fracture on the right and a hip fracture on the left and severe degenerative disease to the pelvis and spine. Over the course of a few months the right hip became very bad thus the total hip replacement. I am walking without cane or walker and no pain to the right hip. Yeah! Now we wait to see what and when other things will need replacement but I have not moved this well for a long time. Since I am the baby of the family it is imperative that I move better than my elders.....So very grateful.



Cody is a delight every moment. I can not get enough of this kid with a major personality. He is happy, positive, kind, quick to forgive and almost never angry. He is the first and last to pray with deep intercession that leads me to think he is Pentacostal and I call him Preacher. But for those of you reading he has probably prayed for you by name on any number of occasions. He has the gift of both excellent memory and stamina. He loves his training program and we are becoming accustomed to it. The folks are very nice and it seems well run. But it is not high school, you can't go back. Sigh. He is enjoying karate, dance, basketball, science, creative writing, reading, art, photography and socializing with new friends. He is even on the dance team who did their first performance at the ASU bball half time. They were so well received they have been asked back. Yeah!!! He seems very happy. In addition to his training program he is practicing to take his first exam for the Royal Ballet Academy of London. should he pass, he a tually earns college credit. and he keeps in contact with all his high school and ballet friends. So very blessed.



Rich continues his journey at Calvary Community Church as manager for maintenance. He has used all of his journeyman skills there from carpentry, construction, repair, organization, leadership and leg pulling to train conductor. 'All aboard!' He enjoys the people a lot. Of course he spends time perfecting his master craft....golf! He remains a scratch golfer and his worst day on the course may be 3 over par. I know I have told him to be quiet any number of times! Continued blessings.

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We are now also enjoying a new baby girl. Okay well she's not a baby really, though she is our brother and sister-in-laws baby .....of sorts. Ok she's 26 but 'cute as a button' according to Master Gates and he likes her so very much! Ahhhh he loves having his cousin to hang out with and so do we. We have seen her make a major life move to a BIG city, Phoenix, get a new job, new car, new apartment and new everything inside. And church and friends. Lots of new friends. She is almost as busy as me but I still got her whipped. And she was a lovely addition to the holidays along with our Grandma and Grandpa Art. Cody so enjoyed it all as did we.

We finished off the year with our annual "Silly String" Caper. Two years in a row we got Master Gates, but this year he planned and pulled off the perfect surprise. Awesome!
Not bad for a messed up 50 something year old who works full time, has Master Gates for a major busy son and a cute husband to live with. It is likely due to the fact that I don't sleep. Complete waste of time, or takes too much time or I just really don't have the time. Well you understand. So there it is 'The Story of My Life' .........I know I am a whole year behind popular but then I never was that popular. I am a throwback from the 70's. What can I say.