NEW LIFE! It is a wonderful miracle. I cry everytime a baby is born. It started early on and I just can't stop. I remember as a nursing student having to make up a clinical on a cold snowy Saturday morning. The floor was short staffed and the halls were overflowing with round bellied ......."stressed" women. They saw my nursing uniform and sent me straight to a delivery room. Are you kidding? I can't do that I protested, I am just a student. It was made clear to me that I had arms and no skid shoes I would do! So in I went. I watched my first live birth. Put those school videos to shame. I was mesmorized. And then it happened. After a lot of screaming and sweating out came the most beautiful human being I had ever seen. I CRIED.....ALOT! And the doctor turned around, handed me this creation and said "do your stuff!" As I sniffled and cried some more.
THEN I thought for a few seconds and decided I had no idea what "stuff" was.
After raising an eyebrow and mumbling he listed off what my job was. It was clear at that moment he had no idea I was a student despite the presence of my bright yellow school bib. He softened and helped me assess this newborn. Cool! I probably said that 100 times.
I have since enjoyed this experience a number of times with friends and eventually after several miscarriages I had my son. And we cried. What a privilege we are given to care for and love these gifts. I think of how so many choose not to have their babies. One moment looking in those eyes or touching those tiny fingers and I am certain most would change their minds.
I am humbled when I think about the job God has entrusted me with. To raise a child in the way he should go, to be a
testimony to the God that knit him in the womb. Cool!
To our cousins who today delivered another miracle I say "Cool"!

Shambles

So you wake up feeling great most days. You groom, nourish, pray, interact and rest each day. You care deeply for family and friends, enjoying those moments together. You feel pretty good. You go about your business without a clue that an assault is coming. Your nice mojo is about to be blasted to bits leaving you in shambles. And most alarming is no one will say a word. They will cover their eyes, ears and mouths letting the bitter chemicals eat away at the fabric of your being. Like the fence around this house you are shunned without cause. Left to wonder about all those years of love and trust you put into those you thought were genuine, faithful, faithfilled and true. You only see now that no one can be relied upon save for God alone. You are outside, castaway from your circle of life. Tragedy in every way and we are reminded then of Gods faithfulness and justice in all things. Our defender and the lover of our soul. We are reminded that when men fail God prevails. When men knock us down God picks us up. That when men stop loving us God carries us. That when we are alone and discouraged God gives us hope and friendship.
When man finds you worthless God finds you priceless. When you are cast aside, left in shambles, God sees you worth more than silver or gold.
Do not be discouraged for I bring you Good News!
The best news is that God will enter that broken down fence, He will sit at your table and He will love you as you are without condition. HE is your one true family and friend.

unconditional

I AM GOING IN! Wait you shout, you can not pet the ducks. We are not the same. They only like us if we feed them. We only like them if their dinner. Always some rule or exception or clause for the ducks and people to coexist. Sound familiar?
I have found it interesting to see if I can truly give unconditional love and acceptance. It takes deliberate, intentional actions at times. A concentrated effort to give love to all no restraint or restrictions. BUT it can be done. Even more enlightening is to assess if I am able to receive unconditional love and affection. Much like those ducks I think there are conditions, hidden hazards, mysterious motives that are really intended to bait me in so you can baste and roast me for dinner.
We are complex beings with insecurities and unchecked emotions that lend us to creating more drama to any conversation than needs to exist. We are suspicious and hyper-reactive to even the slightest waiver in tone or volume. Unconditional! It means NO condition action motion emotion will cause me to love you less or more. It is not I love you if or when but I love you. Period.
Enduring unmoved unshaken uncomplicated uninhibited undying love. Unconditional.
So like that boy who says he is going to see the ducks. He doesn't care if they are loud scary flighty nippy ugly bald. He just loves the ducks. Maybe one day the ducks won't run for cover but hang around for a little TLC!

What, was I talking? Have you experienced this today? I have been reflecting on this from both sides of the discussion. I was in a meeting and without fail every time someone wanted to interject a thought or explain their side, this face would be glaring back at them. You could tell that there was not the least bit of interest in anything that would be said. Their way or the highway.
It took me back to many past situations personal and professional where a conversation was attempted but clearly the face looking back had closed the door. They were not going to even entertain hearing what you thought or felt. Your opinion or concern was not important, it didn't matter. Only them. Only what they would choose to think would be considered to be so.
Frustrating to say the least. Especially when you want peace, you find yourself at war. Tragic really. God told us to think more of others than ourselves. He told us forgive. And so we do this but the caution is that while you do your part to live in peace you can never influence others to take those same steps. That is Gods work. Only His spirit will change the heart. The good news is that He can and has changed hearts, changed lives. So we know He can change the hardest hearts. The job we have in the meantime? Love, pray and trust.

Sock Puppets

While I run in circles trying to juggle all the cares of the world my son is focused on the here and now. Seems there is a Sunday service in there somewhere. But just at the absolute breaking point to my overbooked schedule, he runs in to tell me the funniest joke, he promises. I sigh deeply and try to act extremely interested.
"Why did the banana go to the doctor?" "I don’t. Know. Why would a banana go to the doctor?" "Because he didn't peel well. Get it mom?"
Okay I have to admit it is pretty funny. Then I realized I wasn't peeling as well as I should either. Why, I half wondered as I clearly knew the answer. I had not been spending enough time with my fruit, or son. I was busy but for all the wrong reasons. Happens to me all the time. I move or sleep. I must be doing. Problem is I start out good, defined list, clear priorities. Then the magnet phenomena occurs. I attract every project, needy person, volunteer for all the projects. Before I know it I have packed that schedule to the hilt. Jesus will be back before I hit page two. Just call me Martha.
It is while at the bookstore that my son tells me he has found it. The perfect thing. Sock puppets. A kit to make puppets. It is easy the box assures me. For children 8 and older......right!
The easy kit turned into an all night ordeal. But what fun it was. I was not messing with work emails, my classwork, the dozens of other things I do. I was focused. I had my eye on the prize. And it reinforced something I know but often forget. I do my best when I am all in as opposed to divided into a million pieces. I made two pretty decent sock puppets, completed in one sitting. Not dragged out over four weeks and a fragmented calendar. Some of my family or friends have this perfected. I am still learning I guess. I have to reboot my mental computer and do a scan to defragment and declutter. I hope I get this down someday. But in the meantime I will start out with babysteps, or in this case Sally the monkey and Spot the dog.