Boundaries

Boundaries are a set of limitations or expectations placed on an individual. They have their first influence during infancy when adorable happy children are placed in small confined spaces. They continue on through life and come in many forms such as rules, regulations, social rankings, professional practice and more. As a child you can be very content with boundaries, and in fact your behavior implies that you felt safe when you knew that there was a perimeter of safety, aka walls, bars, cribs or play pens. So why is it as we grow up that we often come to view boundaries as a threat fighting them off like a mid evil dragon?
I have often fought my way out of confinement. I rattled those crib rails until the mounting came loose which confirmed there is more than one way to get free. I constantly traveled to places I wanted to go and I did it my way. Wasn't that a song? I hear stories about lacing my own shoes at a very young age. I refused help or direction. I did not want to tie my shoes singing that bunny song but wanted to tie them in loops and knots of my own design. Of course this would eventually require help from an old person as my way was not always the effective way to secure shoes before taking up walking.
I think about rules; don't walk barefoot on hot pavement, no smoking in airplane bathrooms, or no pets in the restaurant (which I think should seriously be reconsidered after seeing what a table full of children can do to the floor). Most rules are there to keep us safe even if they may at times be inconvenient. In most cases as I have aged I have come to accept rules and have developed a respect for their intent. I must confess that i will even use them to eliminate an annoying presence in the room. Sorry neighbors with barking dogs.
Regulations or laws on the other hand are tied to a number of factors such as personal gain, moral influence, popularity, lobbying, etc. Think about regulations in the news today. We regulate who can purchase a hand gun for instance which is great, but then we permit those folks to carry them in to a bar, with alcohol. Am I the only one who can see a possible situation here? In these cases I can see that boundaries are not as clear cut, maybe don't make sense and we may no longer feel safe. As a matter of fact it may actually cause us to question our own beliefs about boundaries.
Social rankings or cast systems are alive and well. We even have organizations that will try to stretch the boundaries to give preferential treatment to one group over another, or to promote changes to a regulation or law which blurs the boundary for a particular group. We can no longer be certain what is or is considered to be right, acceptable, safe. At times it seems that the mid evil dragon is back in the room.
And then there is the whole work thing. Where every position has role expectations, goals, evaluation criteria, career ladders, reporting structures and more. And don't be the one to cross a line or boundary in your role, rank, or influence. That is when we find the full effect of boundaries as grown ups. You have probably heard someone say they would like to do something but there hands are tied. There are limitations or expectations that prevent them from doing something. There are boundaries they can not pass.
On the bright side, we also can set our own boundaries. What we will or won't allow in our home, what we will or won't do on a date, and what we will or won't watch on our television screen. Boundaries. They can be that line in the sand for us, or that wall that is impassable or that cage we can not get out of.
It seems that boundaries are with us throughout life, though their effectiveness or purpose may vary. For me I am glad I escaped from the crib, safely navigating into adulthood. And I have to confess that I have not always stayed within the boundaries and have had to deal with the consequences of those deviations. Truthfully I have often thought about that crib. When the boundaries have been blurred or crossed or challenged I have longed for the security of those four crib walls with my mom sitting close by and the television playing in the background. I am glad I started with good, well defined boundaries. Good job parents:)